I feel violated.

Recently, I went on holiday to venice, and I met a girl. We hung out, went to dinner, then she took me back to her house and we were very intimate. We would have had sex, but I couldn't find a condom and didn't want to get her pregnant. (I'm 16 and a virgin) We spent the whole night together, just cuddling, kissing and touching, and the next morning I left. I met her later that day, and she told me that she had a long term boyfriend, and I was supposed to be a way of her getting revenge because he cheated on her. Then she told me she was sorry and that she needed to see me again, and she wanted to be with me.

I walked away from her. I felt used, hurt, violated and heartbroken, and I've felt that way ever since it happened. I'm so glad we didn't go all the way, I would have hated to lose my virginity like that, in such an unspecial way. But what can I do to stop the hurt?

=(

That's horrible. You feel used because you were used.
I think the best thing you can do right now is not talk to her, and let yourself be sad about it for a bit.
But you're 16, there will be plenty of other oppurtunities. Be glad you got away from this before anything serious happened.

Also, just as a side note- virginity seems important when you're a virgin. Your first time probably wont be super-special (an older friend said this to me when I was younger and it really helped). If the person you are losing it with is a virgin too, it probably wont be fireworks from the first second either. But doesn't really matter in the long-run.
So yeah, eat ice cream for a bit. Focus on yourself.
And keep being smart in the contraception sense, too. :)

You don't stop the hurt. If you focus on stopping it, you're thinking about it, and thinking about it makes it worse. Do what you would do anyway. Fill your time and distract yourself. I know being a teenager makes it easy to wallow in self pity, but it's not as bad as you think it is. Go murder a prostitute or set of a bunch of fireworks inside a church or something. Whatever it takes to distract yourself until something else happens for you to think about too much.

Captcha says sing a song. Maybe you could write an instant hit pop song about it, I dunno.

Maintain your dignity?

Remind yourself that you're never going to objectify a human being like that, and make sure that in your daily interactions, you are not.

SpectacularWebHead:
What can I do to stop the hurt?

My technique probably won't work for you (not least because I'm twice your age...Jesus Christ, you people make me feel old), but: I find that truth is the best medicine. I examine the situation and analyze it until I am satisfied that I understand all its parts and factors, and once I've done that, I feel a peace with it. Knowing what it is and what made it be that way helps me out a lot.

Well, it's hard to give reasonable advice because if you're in such an emotional gloom, it's hard to take reasonable advice, I'd know, really. But, it is what it is, you need to come to terms with it. People do stupid stuff all the time, and they don't think about who they may hurt with it. Just move on with your life as you would have otherwise is all you can do, really.

JimB:
(not least because I'm twice your age...Jesus Christ, you people make me feel old)

Have the same problem here, yes...ugh. Keep being told not to make a fuss about it, but bleh.

So, you met a girl on holiday, 5 minutes later (give or take) you end up in the position where you might sleep with eachother and now you're the one that feels used? Sounds like you're feeling hurt because the girl considered it to be a meaningless encounter. Well, what else were you expecting if you ended up in bed with her on the same day as meeting her??

If you were waiting for someone special to lose your virginity to why wouldn't you wait until you were in a relationship? It's frankly bizarre that you could feel used in this situation. Any other single man would have rejoiced at the chance to be "used" in this way. its called a one night stand. Hate to break it to you but these are very common outside of relationships and they aren't to be considered meaningful encounters and if you want to lose your virginity to someone special then perhaps don't offer to sleep with them on the first date.

Good for you.

You should be so proud of yourself for protecting your health and what you believe in. Too many people of your age would have done the wrong thing and landed themselves in either an STI clinic or the Jeramy Kyle show.

Do not feel bad about yourself, you are awesome.

Raven's Nest:
Any other single man would have rejoiced at the chance to be "used" in this way.

Hello. Your argument is now invalid.

Really, one night stands are just too much of a hassle with all the picking up and dancing around and that kind of egotripping nonsense, blah. But, even when getting into one, it's kind of better if it happens because the woman wants to have sex with you, not just because the woman wants to get back at whoever she's currently with (though I suppose it happens faster and easier that way). Really, revenge sex is just totally silly. Angry sex is much better, believe you me.

I'm kind of confused.
You want to lose your virginity in a special way but would have been fine doing the deed with this random girl so long as you had a condom?
Good on you for being responsible, bitches be crazy and all that, but I'm still confused.

Vegosiux:

Raven's Nest:
Any other single man would have rejoiced at the chance to be "used" in this way.

Hello. Your argument is now invalid.

Really, one night stands are just too much of a hassle with all the picking up and dancing around and that kind of egotripping nonsense, blah. But, even when getting into one, it's kind of better if it happens because the woman wants to have sex with you, not just because the woman wants to get back at whoever she's currently with (though I suppose it happens faster and easier that way). Really, revenge sex is just totally silly. Angry sex is much better, believe you me.

Why might you assume a woman isn't looking for a one night stand for the same reasons a man might? Correct me if I'm wrong but you seem to imply as much.

Raven's Nest:

Why might you assume a woman isn't looking for a one night stand for the same reasons a man might? Correct me if I'm wrong but you seem to imply as much.

I wouldn't naturaly, but had to for the sake of the argument - because of the way you phrased it.

Raven's Nest:
Any other single man would have rejoiced at the chance to be "used" in this way.

That implies one'd know they're being "used" that way. Well, spekaing for myself, if I knew that, I'd decline, not rejoice.

SpectacularWebHead:
Recently, I went on holiday to venice, and I met a girl. We hung out, went to dinner, then she took me back to her house and we were very intimate. We would have had sex, but I couldn't find a condom and didn't want to get her pregnant. (I'm 16 and a virgin) We spent the whole night together, just cuddling, kissing and touching, and the next morning I left. I met her later that day, and she told me that she had a long term boyfriend, and I was supposed to be a way of her getting revenge because he cheated on her. Then she told me she was sorry and that she needed to see me again, and she wanted to be with me.

I walked away from her. I felt used, hurt, violated and heartbroken, and I've felt that way ever since it happened. I'm so glad we didn't go all the way, I would have hated to lose my virginity like that, in such an unspecial way. But what can I do to stop the hurt?

If your gonna continue to be a nice guy like that get used to that feeling. Being used goes hand in hand in being nice. If you want to stop that kind of shit. Tell her to fuck off and never see her again for "using" you. People will only push you as far as you let them.

Vegosiux:

Raven's Nest:

Why might you assume a woman isn't looking for a one night stand for the same reasons a man might? Correct me if I'm wrong but you seem to imply as much.

I wouldn't naturaly, but had to for the sake of the argument - because of the way you phrased it.

Raven's Nest:
Any other single man would have rejoiced at the chance to be "used" in this way.

That implies one'd know they're being "used" that way. Well, spekaing for myself, if I knew that, I'd decline, not rejoice.

Well consider yourself not part of the most men that would.

By most men, i'm referring to the habits of a much larger male demographic than that of the escapist. Majority here are either virgins or have this weird sense that all sex outside of a relationship is bad, or at least not for them.

I hold to my original comment. Edit - which I have just re read to discover I did not use the word most, in that case, fair enough.

Mope as much as you need to, (although try not to bring your friends down if you can). Don't focus on the hurt, but feel as much of it as you have to. Then find your anger. Because she *used* you, and then expected you to just accept her apology after she changed her mind? Not cool. Find the anger, and get it out -- without getting anybody else involved. Don't contact her again, don't lash out at other people. Whatever your solo venting ritual is, do it. Get the anger out. Then take a deep breath, shake it off, and know that there's bound to be another girl who's into you soon enough.

I've had similar stuff with women. Just move on, trust me the more involved you get the more hurt you feel. Find a nice single girl, it's a lot easier.

You shouldn't feel heartbroken, you spent one night with her. It's stupid.
What you should feel is the sense of despair that she used you and threw you away.
Like a tissue which teenage boys use to masturbate to then throw away.

So I give to you, this golden nugget.
Chin up, talk to someone and keep a stiff upper lip.

Or...

GO ON AGAIN, USE THE POWERS OF THE MANWHORE, TAKE YOUR POT OF YOGURT, GO WALRUS HUNTING.
BE A MAN!

BECAUSE LOVE IS LARGE AS BRONTOSAURUS, PASSION LIKE A BLEEDING WALRUS.

Attitude is everything my friend, ive been travelling for a few years now and it can be a lonely place out here in this this crazy old world, so for me finding a stranger to share a bit of a human connection with can be a wonderful thing..."two ships passing in the night", it maybe didnt have to be a one night stand in your case, beautiful things can sprout from barren soils.

Obviously its your virginity to give to who you want, and of course youre entitled to feel upset and used but its worth keeping in mind that someone who she trusted and loved cheated on her and i imagine she was feeling very hurt and alone, it could indeed be argued that it was wrong to come to you on these pretences and although this isnt want you want to hear she's probably still in more pain that you are right now buddy.

I think it was the second poster who said that losing your virginity is a bit overrated, i'd have to agree with this (again, it's your thing), i waited as well for the right girl to come along, and when she did, let's just say i wasn't up to scratch in that department...we ended up going out but my lack of skills in the sack made me pretty insecure and ended up being a bit of a destructive force in the relationship. It ended on good terms (she had to leave to start film school in another country) and obviously i know now that im older, wiser and rather handsome (>.<) that my insecurity was my biggest failing (another good lesson for you!) but honestly brah if i could do it all over again i'd rather be 'practised' for ms. right than save myself for her.

You might not until you find another girl who will treat you right. However, there is some good out of this. You will be a little wiser now that this has happened. I was in nearly the exact same situation as you except I DID go all the way and I regret it. Still feel dirty.

You did the right thing, be proud of that.

 

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