Just started college, trying to meet women.

The problem is that I have social phobia. I am nervous around strangers and go from uncomfortable to petrified of large groups or crowded places. I tried joining a few clubs in hopes that it might put me in contact with like minded people, and to an extent I was right. I joined fencing, for instance, and the club is like 80% female engineering students. I also joined Latin club, the ecology/conservation club, and engineering club. I go to a school with a lot of engineering students (read: fellow geek friends!) which my school is renowned for.

The trouble is that even though there are plenty of women I am attracted to in those clubs and even though I've talked casually with a few and have a lot in common with some, most of them are older than me (a lot of juniors) and that's kind of intimidating, and this added to my already considerable nervousness in social situations makes things very difficult for me.

I'm just not really sure what to do.

If you want to meet women, then you need to start small and just get used to talking to people. If you can't talk to someone new in your class for 5 minutes then when you see a hotty, you're only going to make a fool of yourself. Building up your confidence takes practice. Chat with your classmates, the ones you wouldn't normally, worse case scenario is you have nothing in common and don't make a friend. Nothing lost.

So go for it, confidence makes you more attractive and the more you chat to people the easier it gets. Try taking up a new language, those classes force you to speak in front of people and that is a really great confidence boost, knowing that no one is really judging you.

Galletea:
If you want to meet women, then you need to start small and just get used to talking to people. If you can't talk to someone new in your class for 5 minutes then when you see a hotty, you're only going to make a fool of yourself. Building up your confidence takes practice. Chat with your classmates, the ones you wouldn't normally, worse case scenario is you have nothing in common and don't make a friend. Nothing lost.

So go for it, confidence makes you more attractive and the more you chat to people the easier it gets. Try taking up a new language, those classes force you to speak in front of people and that is a really great confidence boost, knowing that no one is really judging you.

This kid gets it. Don't be afraid to speak to people and women are people. But start small.

renegade7:
The problem is that I have social phobia. I am nervous around strangers and go from uncomfortable to petrified of large groups or crowded places. I tried joining a few clubs in hopes that it might put me in contact with like minded people, and to an extent I was right. I joined fencing, for instance, and the club is like 80% female engineering students. I also joined Latin club, the ecology/conservation club, and engineering club. I go to a school with a lot of engineering students (read: fellow geek friends!) which my school is renowned for.

The trouble is that even though there are plenty of women I am attracted to in those clubs and even though I've talked casually with a few and have a lot in common with some, most of them are older than me (a lot of juniors) and that's kind of intimidating, and this added to my already considerable nervousness in social situations makes things very difficult for me.

I'm just not really sure what to do.

I learned to socialize online first. Through myspace, video games, ventrilo, msn gaming zone, etc (oh how old school).

It helps make you more chatty. Chatty helps you communicate with people in real life. When you communicate with real people in real life you get confident enough to talk to women in real life.

I went from very shy to making girls laugh. Maybe it'll work for you too. Socialize online more, see how it goes. Try to add the most elements into communication as possible, using voice chat, video chat, the more interactive the better.

renegade7:
The problem is that I have social phobia. I am nervous around strangers and go from uncomfortable to petrified of large groups or crowded places. I tried joining a few clubs in hopes that it might put me in contact with like minded people, and to an extent I was right. I joined fencing, for instance, and the club is like 80% female engineering students. I also joined Latin club, the ecology/conservation club, and engineering club. I go to a school with a lot of engineering students (read: fellow geek friends!) which my school is renowned for.

The trouble is that even though there are plenty of women I am attracted to in those clubs and even though I've talked casually with a few and have a lot in common with some, most of them are older than me (a lot of juniors) and that's kind of intimidating, and this added to my already considerable nervousness in social situations makes things very difficult for me.

I'm just not really sure what to do.

Okay, first question you're going to have to answer for yourself--are you looking for women to just pick up and have little flings with that you don't expect to go too far, or are you wanting something possibly more long-term?

If you want stuff for the long-term then what you're doing seems pretty good--join clubs and go to places that you will find people who have common interests with you. I found my first boyfriend through my school's anime club. Get yourself a few good pools of friends, get comfortable with them, and as you get to know them sort of size-up the women among them. Get to know them and get a feel for what they think of you. It sounds scary and abstract on paper, but when you're in a group of people you have a few things in common with it's not as hard as you might think. And it's been my experience that the best and most enduring relationships start out as friendships. That doesn't mean you can't find flings as well, but I've never heard of a fling that started as a friendship that ended well.

If you want more short-term hookups I don't have a lot of advice for you (simply because that's not how I roll), but I think there are some around here that can help you out. I hear bars, parties, and more nonspecific gatherings like that are good places to find flings, but from what I've seen that requires a bit more extroversion (because likely you aren't going to have as much in common with them) and a willingness to mingle. But again I don't have a lot of experience in the area of finding "flings."

Really you should just speak to them more and when you feel comfortable enough mention something fun you are doing. Of course you have to be more specific when saying fun. Like if you live in a dorm dorms have their little costume parties during halloween if you know at least one or two people going that you know mention that your going to your female engineering friends, say your going to dress up as *insert something funny* they'll laugh and then you ask them if they'd wanna come with for the free candy and possible best costume prizes. Its a good chance to mingle with out having to worry about alcohol and see what they are like outside of the situation you normally see them in. Oh and be clever with your costume. After you hang out once there is a lot less between two people.

This is of course a general situation, you can replace halloween party with anything you want.

As others have said, you have to learn to talk to people before you can impress women. School clubs are a fantastic way to do that, so well done on that count, but that's only the first step. Next you have to get confident around them. A couple tips:

-Work on your smile. Smiling when you meet someone will make them WAY more likely to be willing to chat with you, and if you know you have a great smile you'll feel way more attractive.

-Buy some nice clothes, ones that make you look at yourself in the mirror and think "damn I look good". Doesn't matter what style, what's important is that you feel cool in them, because that's what's gonna come across.

-Jokes are great ice-breakers, even corny ones. Maybe not for complete strangers, but aquaintances at school clubs are great targets for jokes like the one about the vacuum cleaner (you don't wanna hear it, it sucks ;)). A lot of girls like guys who don't take themselves too seriously, and a bit of laughter loosens people up significantly. Plus, if you can make girls laugh it'll do wonders for your confidence.

-Random facts can also be great ice-breakers, or awkward pause preventers. If you feel too awkward cracking jokes something like "Hey, did you know that..." can often start off a conversation, or bring a dying one back to its feet.

-Square your shoulders and look people in the eyes when you're talking to them. The worst thing to do when trying to chat with someone is giving the impression that you aren't interested in them by looking off into the distance or facing your body away and turning your head to look at them. If looking people in the eyes directly is too uncomfortable look at their forehead or the bridge of their nose.

-And lastly, practice practice practice! The only way to get a girl is to go out and talk to 'em!

Captcha: panic button. Captcha, you're not helping.

Pretty musch everything has been said already. Just randomly start talking to people in lectures or in the hall. This may seem really, really creepy, but if you hear a group of people talking about something you're interested walk up to them and join in, saying something like, "Sorry, I couldn't help but overhear..."

Oh, and if you're looking for a relationship as opposed to a one-night stand, start out as friends. I know, I know, you might get friend-zoned. No, she might not reciprocate those feelings. But starting as friends lets you get to know someone; their hopes, their fears and anything else. Try to learn stuff about them that would scare you away from a relationship with them.

Finally, just be yourself. If you're a quirky guy who loves metal and manga, you'll meet a group of people that you fit into. You're in university now! This is best time of your life to meet as many people as you want. I'm in my first year as well and I've met at least a hundred people (whose names I actually remember). Join a club or a team, play intramural sports, doing anything and everything is a great way to get around.

Every friend was once a stranger.

My advice is wait. Going through a break up mid semester can be devastating to your academic career thus the rest of your life. At least wait till your senior year when it looks like you are defiantly going to graduate before you get a serious relationship. You will even look more suitable to women because you have a planned and stable future. Just wait, build your future first.

Aren't you the same guy who posted a thread on wanting to help your girlfriend lose weight? Maybe not cheating on her would help her self-esteem.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/538.388450-Trying-to-help-the-GF-lose-some-weight

Liam Patterson:
Aren't you the same guy who posted a thread on wanting to help your girlfriend lose weight? Maybe not cheating on her would help her self-esteem.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/538.388450-Trying-to-help-the-GF-lose-some-weight

No, I didn't post that, but thanks for bringing it to my attention. Removing.

For the record, I'm as single as I've ever been.

It seems like you're getting pretty sound advice on here, but I figure I'll throw in my few cents too.

Just be cool, sounds easier said than done but follow me a second. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to attract girls with your witty words or to find someone date worthy. Keep things simple, start by just small talk, breaking the ice, cracking a joke when appropriate, working your way up to being more and more comfortable.

Sometimes you will just need to step out, take a break, catch your breath and that's ok. Personally I know that I don't do well in really large groups or crowds and find it too easy to feel overwhelmed or easy to get lost in the conversations.

Also, don't let age bother you, as you'll always be younger or older than a lot of people and really it's about mental maturity and attitude. It is good to be around people your own age, but plenty of people have friends who are younger or older than them, so don't let it stop you.

renegade7:

Liam Patterson:
Aren't you the same guy who posted a thread on wanting to help your girlfriend lose weight? Maybe not cheating on her would help her self-esteem.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/538.388450-Trying-to-help-the-GF-lose-some-weight

No, I didn't post that, but thanks for bringing it to my attention. Removing.

For the record, I'm as single as I've ever been.

Well, you're old enough to drink, so..Bars?
Really, I've always gone with bars.
But if drinking isn't your thing, aren't there things help at Campus that might interest you? Events and activities that interest you, and thus you might find someone there which share your interests?

Realitycrash:

renegade7:

Liam Patterson:
Aren't you the same guy who posted a thread on wanting to help your girlfriend lose weight? Maybe not cheating on her would help her self-esteem.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/538.388450-Trying-to-help-the-GF-lose-some-weight

No, I didn't post that, but thanks for bringing it to my attention. Removing.

For the record, I'm as single as I've ever been.

Well, you're old enough to drink, so..Bars?
Really, I've always gone with bars.
But if drinking isn't your thing, aren't there things help at Campus that might interest you? Events and activities that interest you, and thus you might find someone there which share your interests?

Eh, I know I've never done well meeting new people at bars. Also loud bars aren't great for talking even with close friends. :/

toadking07:

Realitycrash:

renegade7:

No, I didn't post that, but thanks for bringing it to my attention. Removing.

For the record, I'm as single as I've ever been.

Well, you're old enough to drink, so..Bars?
Really, I've always gone with bars.
But if drinking isn't your thing, aren't there things help at Campus that might interest you? Events and activities that interest you, and thus you might find someone there which share your interests?

Eh, I know I've never done well meeting new people at bars. Also loud bars aren't great for talking even with close friends. :/

Bars doesn't necessarily need to be loud. It's a great place where it is both socially acceptable to be drunk and have lower inhibitions, and to casually walk up to someone you don't know and start a conversation.

 

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