Should I?
Yes.
88.2% (15)
88.2% (15)
No.
11.8% (2)
11.8% (2)
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Poll: Should I go balls to the wall and ask her out?

Right, here's the premise. I started at a new VI Form a month ago, after a terrible first year, for multiple reasons. I decided to retake, meaning that I'm basically the oldest in the year. About a week in, I get friendly with this girl. She's interesting, we share common interests, but also differ in several ways. She's quite vunerable and reclusive, and, while I'm quite restrained with my emotional ties at the moment due to being burned by a multitude of previous 'friends', I'm quite forthright. She's religious, I'm not, etc...

So here's the thing. Her best mate has this huge crush on her. He has done for years. Now while ordinarily, I'd say fuck it, he had his shot, we've also grown to be friends, and she is VERY loath to hurt him in any way that could resemble a rejection. She REALLY dislikes hurting people. I get smiles from her, and she talks to me quite a lot, but I'm not sure if she is viewing this as a friendship or an attraction. I've also got a backlog of about 1000 texts from her on my phone, but that has slowed considerably recently.

The girl dragged me into choir, is generally lovely, and apparently talks to me more than most, but I haven't done this in a while, and while rejection does not scare me, I really don't want the awkwardness associated with the 'no', because even if she rejects me, I'd like to remain friends.

Opinions? Have I left it too long? I was going to go for it next week (We basically have a one-to-one double session every Friday), but I've gone from confident to doubting.

In my opinion, I think it would be best to talk to her about your/her current situation rather than straight up confess/ask her out. Has she simply decided not to date anyone else because one of her friends has a crush on her? Yeah, I doubt that too.

This may be a bit rude, but do you think her stream of texts slowed down because you weren't answering them, seeing as you referred to it as a gigantic backlog...

In regard to her vulnerability and reclusiveness, I would just recommend you tread lightly with what you say to her regardless of how your relationship ends up. If she could misinterpret what you say and get hurt by it, put it as gently as possible. Stuff like that; you're treading on thin ice. Good luck sir, I hope I have been of some help.

KaosuHamoni:
Right, here's the premise. I started at a new VI Form a month ago, after a terrible first year, for multiple reasons. I decided to retake, meaning that I'm basically the oldest in the year. About a week in, I get friendly with this girl. She's interesting, we share common interests, but also differ in several ways. She's quite vunerable and reclusive, and, while I'm quite restrained with my emotional ties at the moment due to being burned by a multitude of previous 'friends', I'm quite forthright. She's religious, I'm not, etc...

So here's the thing. Her best mate has this huge crush on her. He has done for years. Now while ordinarily, I'd say fuck it, he had his shot, we've also grown to be friends, and she is VERY loath to hurt him in any way that could resemble a rejection. She REALLY dislikes hurting people. I get smiles from her, and she talks to me quite a lot, but I'm not sure if she is viewing this as a friendship or an attraction. I've also got a backlog of about 1000 texts from her on my phone, but that has slowed considerably recently.

The girl dragged me into choir, is generally lovely, and apparently talks to me more than most, but I haven't done this in a while, and while rejection does not scare me, I really don't want the awkwardness associated with the 'no', because even if she rejects me, I'd like to remain friends.

Opinions? Have I left it too long? I was going to go for it next week (We basically have a one-to-one double session every Friday), but I've gone from confident to doubting.

Well, while the idea of placing your genitals against a support structure of a building in order to impress someone you are infatuated with may *seem* like a good idea right now, I'll guarantee you, it isn't. That is, in point of fact, not a good way of attracting them.

But yes. You might as well see if she wants to go see a movie, grab coffee, get a beer, vandalize children or kidnap buildings.

KaosuHamoni:
Right, here's the premise. I started at a new VI Form a month ago, after a terrible first year, for multiple reasons. I decided to retake, meaning that I'm basically the oldest in the year. About a week in, I get friendly with this girl. She's interesting, we share common interests, but also differ in several ways. She's quite vunerable and reclusive, and, while I'm quite restrained with my emotional ties at the moment due to being burned by a multitude of previous 'friends', I'm quite forthright. She's religious, I'm not, etc...

So here's the thing. Her best mate has this huge crush on her. He has done for years. Now while ordinarily, I'd say fuck it, he had his shot, we've also grown to be friends, and she is VERY loath to hurt him in any way that could resemble a rejection. She REALLY dislikes hurting people. I get smiles from her, and she talks to me quite a lot, but I'm not sure if she is viewing this as a friendship or an attraction. I've also got a backlog of about 1000 texts from her on my phone, but that has slowed considerably recently.

The girl dragged me into choir, is generally lovely, and apparently talks to me more than most, but I haven't done this in a while, and while rejection does not scare me, I really don't want the awkwardness associated with the 'no', because even if she rejects me, I'd like to remain friends.

Opinions? Have I left it too long? I was going to go for it next week (We basically have a one-to-one double session every Friday), but I've gone from confident to doubting.

I would try to see how she feels about it first, but don't make it too obvious. Just ease it into the conversation if you can. Maybe you can talk to her a bit more about why she doesn't like rejecting people, and connect that to general relationship-type conversations to gain a bit more insight into how she might feel or react. Feel it out a b it to help you decide what you want to do. It sounds like you both have a really good connection, and it would suck to ruin that but the old saying stays true even now, and that is:

If you don't try, you will never know.

It's a risk assessment. Find out a bit more then weigh the options. If you do tell her, and she rejects you or you can tell shes not into the idea, it might be a good idea to try and reassure her that you don't wan't to ruin her friendship because you both are really close, good friends. I personally would go for it though. I don't like looking back and wondering; I like looking back and knowing. <3

I hope this helps!

L0dest0ne:
Don't be an ass. Let her friend have her. I may be a bit biased, having formerly been on he recieving end, but trust me, he'll quite literally want your head if you wind up with her.

Does she like her BFF? He may have already entered-DUN DUN DUN-the FRIEND ZONE.

Suijen:

L0dest0ne:
Don't be an ass. Let her friend have her. I may be a bit biased, having formerly been on he recieving end, but trust me, he'll quite literally want your head if you wind up with her.

Does she like her BFF? He may have already entered-DUN DUN DUN-the FRIEND ZONE.

Re-read the OP. She does not like him like that.

KaosuHamoni:

Suijen:

L0dest0ne:
Don't be an ass. Let her friend have her. I may be a bit biased, having formerly been on he recieving end, but trust me, he'll quite literally want your head if you wind up with her.

Does she like her BFF? He may have already entered-DUN DUN DUN-the FRIEND ZONE.

Re-read the OP. She does not like him like that.

If that's the case, I say go for it, the other guy doesn't have the nuts to ask her out (If he rags on you about it, just tell him he didn't take the opportunity to ask her) and will probably end up feeling worse if he does rack up the nerve to ask. Ask her man, before someone else does.

Tell us how it goes!

It's only been a month? Pfft, that's not too long! The bigger problem here seems to be the friend...

You could always try talking to him and asking him if he would mind you asking her out. Of course, if he asks you not to then you're in a tricky spot but you could always ask her anyway, then if he confronts you tell him "I was just doing you a courtesy by asking you first". Would that be worse than going behind his back to do it? Maybe, maybe not.

As for wanting to be friends if she says no, that shouldn't be a problem if you two are already as close as you seem. I had a couple friends in a similar situation, he asked, she said no, he said "Alright, do you still wanna hang out as friends?", and everything was sunshine and roses. If she does say no, just make sure she knows you appreciate that you're just friends and you aren't gonna pursue anything any more and things should be fine.

Whatever you do, good luck! Hope it works out for the best!

Didn't read; voted yes. The answer is always yes. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

L0dest0ne:
Don't be an ass. Let her friend have her. I may be a bit biased, having formerly been on he recieving end, but trust me, he'll quite literally want your head if you wind up with her.

Let her friend have her?

That's not how it works. At all.

Unrequited love (or infatuation, as this probably is) is never nice but just because he isn't getting any, doesn't mean nobody else is allowed to either. If this guy was a real friend, he'd be supporting anything that makes the girl happy, not obsessing over her, stroking his Madonna/Whore complex, and cockblocking everybody else.

What's the harm in trying? Also, if she texts you constantly, she likes you. All of my exes have been like that.

mitchell271:
What's the harm in trying? Also, if she texts you constantly, she likes you. All of my exes have been like that.

That's not entirely accurate in my opinion. Girls can text you at lot but only see you as a friend too. I've had a few guy friends get that same impression, as hard as I try not to do so. Being friendly doesn't always necessarily mean being interested. ;)

If she doesn't like the guy like that, then there's no issue or "letting him have her", which is a ridiculous way of phrasing it anyway. I'd say talk to the guy. See if he'd still be friends with the two of you if you attempted, and succeeded, at getting a date with this girl. After that, you're in the clear; let it take its course.

 

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