First date, PANIC

So I am going on my first date, not only with a girl I like but first date EVER. (I've had girlfriends, but we didn't really date, we just sort of hung out together. technically they weren't proper girlfriends, but y'know, ooh, sidetrack) So yeah, I have pretty much a run of being friendzoned, never really getting to the point where a girl is willing to date me proper, but this is it. The big one.

Okay so technically it's a test run to see whether we both feel compatible to date or just stay friends, but I DON'T WANT TO STAY FRIENDS. I want to be her boyfriend. I really like her, but I have no idea what to say or do to not be friendzoned in the highest degree.

WhatdoIdoomigodsomeonehelpomigod.

Congrats dude. My advice would be to just try and relax. She's a human too and will be feeling nervous and the like, same as you. Just try and enjoy yourself and enjoy each others company.

SpectacularWebHead:
So I am going on my first date, not only with a girl I like but first date EVER. (I've had girlfriends, but we didn't really date, we just sort of hung out together. technically they weren't proper girlfriends, but y'know, ooh, sidetrack) So yeah, I have pretty much a run of being friendzoned, never really getting to the point where a girl is willing to date me proper, but this is it. The big one.

Okay so technically it's a test run to see whether we both feel compatible to date or just stay friends, but I DON'T WANT TO STAY FRIENDS. I want to be her boyfriend. I really like her, but I have no idea what to say or do to not be friendzoned in the highest degree.

WhatdoIdoomigodsomeonehelpomigod.

Well.........don't do that.

Calm the heck down and try not to act like a guy who's trying not to be friendzoned. Try to act like you. Whatever that is. You don't want a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Able Seacat:
Congrats dude. My advice would be to just try and relax. She's a human too and will be feeling nervous and the like, same as you. Just try and enjoy yourself and enjoy each others company.

Actually, she has orange skin and comes from the planet tamaran, but I get your point.

She doesn't, I just felt the need to be snarky :P

SpectacularWebHead:
So I am going on my first date, not only with a girl I like but first date EVER. (I've had girlfriends, but we didn't really date, we just sort of hung out together. technically they weren't proper girlfriends, but y'know, ooh, sidetrack) So yeah, I have pretty much a run of being friendzoned, never really getting to the point where a girl is willing to date me proper, but this is it. The big one.

Okay so technically it's a test run to see whether we both feel compatible to date or just stay friends, but I DON'T WANT TO STAY FRIENDS. I want to be her boyfriend. I really like her, but I have no idea what to say or do to not be friendzoned in the highest degree.

WhatdoIdoomigodsomeonehelpomigod.

Calm down, dates aren't supposed to be stressful, my first date was a movie (the movie unfortunately sucked) but we got to complain about it after! Her mom arranged to have a cab pick her up, I waited with her, cab came, I asked for a kiss goodnight, got one, date completed.

It would have been better if we saw a better movie but eh, we had fun.

Just chill dude, don't act like a paranoid wreck. Go with the flow!

Don't worry good sir, just calm down! Remember she will be nervous too! Just relax and enjoy :) The important thing is to just be yourself. Don't panic while with her, don't act like you are trying to avoid being friendzoned, don't look and act like you think you know for sure you are going to be friendzoned. Be confident, be calm, just be you, just go with the flow as Tizzy said. Good luck and have fun!

Just relax and be yourself. Ultimately, you want to show her what kind of guy you are. This will give her an idea of how you would be like if you two were together. It's alright to be nervous but don't jump the gun or anything like that. Take things as they come, be confident in yourself and see where it goes from there. If you feel things went well, and she feels the same way, ask her out. :)

I should note though, that even though you want her to be your girlfriend, try not to put all your cards on her saying yes. If she does, that's terrific but if you invest a lot in that chance it will be really tough if she doesn't say yes. Plus, it may even affect how you are on the date! The balanced, level headed guy wins over the obsessive, worrying about chance guy. :)

I hope this helps!

I went on my first date when I was 15, you should just be yourself, if she likes you for you not being you then the relationship won't work out, be yourself from the start, I'm sure it'll go fine for you bro :)

SpectacularWebHead:
So I am going on my first date, not only with a girl I like but first date EVER. (I've had girlfriends, but we didn't really date, we just sort of hung out together. technically they weren't proper girlfriends, but y'know, ooh, sidetrack) So yeah, I have pretty much a run of being friendzoned, never really getting to the point where a girl is willing to date me proper, but this is it. The big one.

Okay so technically it's a test run to see whether we both feel compatible to date or just stay friends, but I DON'T WANT TO STAY FRIENDS. I want to be her boyfriend. I really like her, but I have no idea what to say or do to not be friendzoned in the highest degree.

WhatdoIdoomigodsomeonehelpomigod.

A few points (most of which are advice that I wish I could have given to myself):

- She said "yes" to going on a date. Congratulations! That's the difficult part over with.

- Don't put anyone or anything on a pedestal, delicious nubile women included. The point of this date isn't to desperately "trick" her into liking you, it's to decide whether there's chemistry and potential.

- If you don't want to be friends, be honest about that. Is "being friends" something you're not willing to settle for due to it being too painful a prospect, or is it that you don't think you have enough in common to be friends?

- No great inventor stumbled on perfection on their first try. Relationships are the same. Just remember that all experience is good (even if a date is a disaster, you'll know what to not do next time). Nobody's watching or judging (apart from you), nobody's going to hold up a scorecard at the end of the night or berate you for what you "should have" done. Whatever happens, be positive.

- There's no such thing as the perfect woman. There are, however, a great many perfectly nice and agreeable women, some of which are going to like you. Yeah, I went there, pebbles on the beach and fish in the sea. It's a cliché because it's true. Which leads back to the friendzone issue - being "just friends" with a girl isn't the worst thing that can happen. Girls have friends. Friends who are also girls. Some of whom are pretty. See where I'm going with this?

- Go for it. You only regret the things you didn't do.

- It's actually remarkably difficult to truly "blow it". There's usually a second chance or an alternative. Keep your mind and your options open.

You'll be fine. If you like her and she likes you then no problem. The first impressions have already been made, so there's little that can go wrong at this point. There must be things you have in common so there'll be stuff to talk about. Just try not to think about impressing her. Try to focus on enjoying yourself. You're going to be spending company with someone you get along well with, so enjoy yourself. If you focus on impressing the lady, then you run the risk of trying to hard, or just not being yourself, both of which are not good ways to go.

Oh, and don't forget to tell her that you had a great time after wards and suggest another date, but don't be too pushy. You know what you want, and dropping a hint and leaving it to her is the best way to proceed.

But don't worry about it. A first date is not often your one and only chance, just an ice breaker, so go with the flow and try to enjoy yourself without worrying whether you'll end up an item.

Remember that there are plenty of people around. Even in the unlikely even that this goes horribly wrong, you will have plenty of other opportunities.

Let us know how it goes.

SpectacularWebHead:
-snip-

(I just snipped it because I was in your shoes about a year ago and I think this will help)
(I don't want to come across as a womanizing jerk but this is just from experience)

Just do something that you think you'll enjoy together. Usually a nice dinner and watching the sunset is a great first date. The sunset gives you an excuse to move in close and if the moment is right, go for the kiss. A good way to do that is, if she leans on your shoulder, lower your head a little and turn towards her a bit. And then move in. It either works or she decides to remain friends (again, just from my own experience). Also, it's been getting cooler so if she gets cold, offer her your jacket/sweater. Doesn't matter how cold you are, just do it.

People say nice guys finish last but the nice guy is the one who gets the girl.

Ok the first thing you need to do it TAKE A CHILL PILL. Better? Good. I understand you being nervous because it's your first date, but you have to be relaxed. If you come off nervous and reserved on the date, it's going to make her feel uncomfortable. Now, the rest of the stuff is actually pretty basic. Put on nice clothes (not shirt and tie, nice button down and nice jeans), good cologne, do your hair nice and manly. Pick her up, open doors for her, tell her she looks nice, all that chivilrous stuff. When you drop her off, walk her to her door, and tell her you had a nice time. Hug her, give her a kiss on the cheek. ON THE CHEEK. Don't be too greedy on the first date. The most important thing is to just be yourself. If she's your friend then that means she already likes you as a person so just be that. Follow these simple steps and with any luck the second date is on the horizon.

CAPTCHA: FALL GUY. don't do that

mitchell271:

SpectacularWebHead:
-snip-

(I just snipped it because I was in your shoes about a year ago and I think this will help)
(I don't want to come across as a womanizing jerk but this is just from experience)

Just do something that you think you'll enjoy together. Usually a nice dinner and watching the sunset is a great first date. The sunset gives you an excuse to move in close and if the moment is right, go for the kiss. A good way to do that is, if she leans on your shoulder, lower your head a little and turn towards her a bit. And then move in. It either works or she decides to remain friends (again, just from my own experience). Also, it's been getting cooler so if she gets cold, offer her your jacket/sweater. Doesn't matter how cold you are, just do it.

People say nice guys finish last but the nice guy is the one who gets the girl.

Here's the trick with the coat: Wear enough so you'll be warm without the jacket, but wear the jacket anyway.

It went poorly.

SpectacularWebHead:
It went poorly.

Would you care to elaborate, or should we leave it alone?

TheMightyAtrox:

SpectacularWebHead:
It went poorly.

Would you care to elaborate, or should we leave it alone?

I don't want to make another nice guy/friendzone thread.

SpectacularWebHead:

TheMightyAtrox:

SpectacularWebHead:
It went poorly.

Would you care to elaborate, or should we leave it alone?

I don't want to make another nice guy/friendzone thread.

I meant right here, if you wanted to break it down for us. Up to you.

TheMightyAtrox:

SpectacularWebHead:

TheMightyAtrox:

Would you care to elaborate, or should we leave it alone?

I don't want to make another nice guy/friendzone thread.

I meant right here, if you wanted to break it down for us. Up to you.

So did I, I don't want to talk about it.

SpectacularWebHead:
I don't want to make another nice guy/friendzone thread.

Did you actually tell her how you feel? It's been my experience that most cases of the "friend zone" are either when the guy never makes his feelings clear and they just remain friends, or she happens to not like him that way and wishes to remain friends. Which to me isn't really the "friend zone," that's just life. It goes that way sometimes. It's nobody's fault, not hers, not yours.

Lilani:

SpectacularWebHead:
I don't want to make another nice guy/friendzone thread.

Did you actually tell her how you feel? It's been my experience that most cases of the "friend zone" are either when the guy never makes his feelings clear and they just remain friends, or she happens to not like him that way and wishes to remain friends. Which to me isn't really the "friend zone," that's just life. It goes that way sometimes. It's nobody's fault, not hers, not yours.

Nah, I don't blame anyone. I made it clear how I felt, but she just wasn't interested in me in that way, and I can't be mad at her for that. I've now moved onto a huger shitstorm.

SpectacularWebHead:

Lilani:

SpectacularWebHead:
I don't want to make another nice guy/friendzone thread.

Did you actually tell her how you feel? It's been my experience that most cases of the "friend zone" are either when the guy never makes his feelings clear and they just remain friends, or she happens to not like him that way and wishes to remain friends. Which to me isn't really the "friend zone," that's just life. It goes that way sometimes. It's nobody's fault, not hers, not yours.

Nah, I don't blame anyone. I made it clear how I felt, but she just wasn't interested in me in that way, and I can't be mad at her for that. I've now moved onto a huger shitstorm.

It's possible she may already like someone. I honestly think that's all the 'friendzone' ends up being - bad timing. I'm sorry that she said no, though. Do you feel like talking about your bigger problem?

Aylaine:

SpectacularWebHead:

Lilani:

Did you actually tell her how you feel? It's been my experience that most cases of the "friend zone" are either when the guy never makes his feelings clear and they just remain friends, or she happens to not like him that way and wishes to remain friends. Which to me isn't really the "friend zone," that's just life. It goes that way sometimes. It's nobody's fault, not hers, not yours.

Nah, I don't blame anyone. I made it clear how I felt, but she just wasn't interested in me in that way, and I can't be mad at her for that. I've now moved onto a huger shitstorm.

It's possible she may already like someone. I honestly think that's all the 'friendzone' ends up being - bad timing. I'm sorry that she said no, though. Do you feel like talking about your bigger problem?

I got into this massive argument with my best friend and she isn't talking to me. Thing is, I knew I was in the wrong. I said really stupid shit, and it's like I was looking at myself thinking "What the fuck are you doing!?" She won't respond to texts, emails, I can't meet her in person, and I feel like it's over and it's all my fault. I pretty much felt horrible about well, this topic, and I took it all out on her in a stupid way. So now I've pretty much lost my best friend, and I feel like I'm slowly dying because of it. I can't focus on anything else for long periods of time, I can't stand that I made her feel so horrible when all she was trying to do was help me and I'm disgusted with myself on levels you can't imagine. I hurt someone I care about for little to no reason, and I hate myself for it.

SpectacularWebHead:

Aylaine:

SpectacularWebHead:

Nah, I don't blame anyone. I made it clear how I felt, but she just wasn't interested in me in that way, and I can't be mad at her for that. I've now moved onto a huger shitstorm.

It's possible she may already like someone. I honestly think that's all the 'friendzone' ends up being - bad timing. I'm sorry that she said no, though. Do you feel like talking about your bigger problem?

I got into this massive argument with my best friend and she isn't talking to me. Thing is, I knew I was in the wrong. I said really stupid shit, and it's like I was looking at myself thinking "What the fuck are you doing!?" She won't respond to texts, emails, I can't meet her in person, and I feel like it's over and it's all my fault. I pretty much felt horrible about well, this topic, and I took it all out on her in a stupid way. So now I've pretty much lost my best friend, and I feel like I'm slowly dying because of it. I can't focus on anything else for long periods of time, I can't stand that I made her feel so horrible when all she was trying to do was help me and I'm disgusted with myself on levels you can't imagine. I hurt someone I care about for little to no reason, and I hate myself for it.

That is pretty bad. Well, the hard part is out of the way. Admitting you were the one who was wrong. With that, you can properly apologize & hope for the best. Unfortunately, she isn't responding to you right now. That leads me to my first question, which is: why cant you meet her in person? The best way to resolve this in my opinion would be in person. Tell her what you typed up there. That you were wrong, she was right. Say you are sorry. The rest is entirely on her end. If you guys are best friends, I think she will forgive you. Close friends go through rough patches all the time after all. :)

Regardless of the outcome, it's mundo important that you learned from this experience. It's never, ever a good idea to take things out on someone else like this. Take them out on games, a punching bag, exercise, or a designated person. I know people who get this way often, so they have adapted by finding an outlet to vent on whenever they are going to lose their cool. It can even be a person if they offer their ear to you. I'm going to do that now. If you ever feel this way again, send me a message and just unload into it. Get the negativity out of your system so you can function normally. That sound cool? :)

I really hope things turn out okay for you & your bestie. It might take time though. I can't know exactly how bad the argument was for obvious reasons... but sometimes, the other person needs to get feelings out of their system too before they can respond or answer you. YGou know? :)

Aylaine:

SpectacularWebHead:

Aylaine:

It's possible she may already like someone. I honestly think that's all the 'friendzone' ends up being - bad timing. I'm sorry that she said no, though. Do you feel like talking about your bigger problem?

I got into this massive argument with my best friend and she isn't talking to me. Thing is, I knew I was in the wrong. I said really stupid shit, and it's like I was looking at myself thinking "What the fuck are you doing!?" She won't respond to texts, emails, I can't meet her in person, and I feel like it's over and it's all my fault. I pretty much felt horrible about well, this topic, and I took it all out on her in a stupid way. So now I've pretty much lost my best friend, and I feel like I'm slowly dying because of it. I can't focus on anything else for long periods of time, I can't stand that I made her feel so horrible when all she was trying to do was help me and I'm disgusted with myself on levels you can't imagine. I hurt someone I care about for little to no reason, and I hate myself for it.

That is pretty bad. Well, the hard part is out of the way. Admitting you were the one who was wrong. With that, you can properly apologize & hope for the best. Unfortunately, she isn't responding to you right now. That leads me to my first question, which is: why cant you meet her in person? The best way to resolve this in my opinion would be in person. Tell her what you typed up there. That you were wrong, she was right. Say you are sorry. The rest is entirely on her end. If you guys are best friends, I think she will forgive you. Close friends go through rough patches all the time after all. :)

Regardless of the outcome, it's mundo important that you learned from this experience. It's never, ever a good idea to take things out on someone else like this. Take them out on games, a punching bag, exercise, or a designated person. I know people who get this way often, so they have adapted by finding an outlet to vent on whenever they are going to lose their cool. It can even be a person if they offer their ear to you. I'm going to do that now. If you ever feel this way again, send me a message and just unload into it. Get the negativity out of your system so you can function normally. That sound cool? :)

I really hope things turn out okay for you & your bestie. It might take time though. I can't know exactly how bad the argument was for obvious reasons... but sometimes, the other person needs to get feelings out of their system too before they can respond or answer you. YGou know? :)

I Feel a little better after reading this but, I should kind of explain. This girl has been my best friend since I was in like, year 8 (8th grade? I have no idea, probably) And we've only ever been face to face twice. We met at a comiccon, I'd gone alone and we just started chatting, then afterwards we started texting. And that's really where our friendship started. We were both kind of sad, but we gradually made each other happier. She was always there for me, and I tried to do whatever I could to cheer her up when I could. I always felt like I was weird, texting some girl I never see, but she never made me feel like that. We'd had a couple of rows, and always made up before, but this time I think I really went too far and I can't make it up to her. I can't see her because she lives really far away. It sounds kind of... less real, when I explain how we tend to talk, like, less important than people I see regularly, but she was my only real friend when I really needed one, and I pushed her away. If I'm honest, I wouldn't expect her to ever come back, because there are so many ways for her never to talk to me again, and so many reasons for her to hate me. It's eating me alive, partially because I don't like being alone, mainly because I hurt her.

As for unloading on you... It's a really nice offer, truly, and I'm grateful you made it but I really can't accept that, it isn't fair. I'll just go for the videogames route, thanks :P

Also wow, nice people on the internet? This is unexpected.

I definitely got that online impression, but I did not want to assume so I asked why first. Ok! Then send her an apology in a way that she will see it. She may not read it now, but the fact that you send a big, heartfelt one at all definitely helps. Well, everyone is different. Just because it's not in person, or regular doesn't mean it's any less important. After all, we define what our feelings mean to us, what others mean to us right? :)

That's my advice though...even if you haven't seen her much in person, she is still important to you. Enough to try making things right. That's all that matters, because that's what makes it worth it!

Very well. The offer still stands if you ever need it. :)

SpectacularWebHead:
I Feel a little better after reading this but, I should kind of explain. This girl has been my best friend since I was in like, year 8 (8th grade? I have no idea, probably) And we've only ever been face to face twice. We met at a comiccon, I'd gone alone and we just started chatting, then afterwards we started texting. And that's really where our friendship started. We were both kind of sad, but we gradually made each other happier. She was always there for me, and I tried to do whatever I could to cheer her up when I could. I always felt like I was weird, texting some girl I never see, but she never made me feel like that. We'd had a couple of rows, and always made up before, but this time I think I really went too far and I can't make it up to her. I can't see her because she lives really far away. It sounds kind of... less real, when I explain how we tend to talk, like, less important than people I see regularly, but she was my only real friend when I really needed one, and I pushed her away. If I'm honest, I wouldn't expect her to ever come back, because there are so many ways for her never to talk to me again, and so many reasons for her to hate me. It's eating me alive, partially because I don't like being alone, mainly because I hurt her.

I've had a long time friend I've known for many years now. We met in Ultima Online, of all places, and eventually graduated into online emails almost daily (we get bored at work). I've met him face to face exactly once, and he's one of my best friends.

We've had our rows as well, including one where we stopped talking for several months. Eventually we got back in touch, and smoothed things over. If you and your friend were as close as you imply, it is quite possible that this, too, will blow over.

You seem pretty certain that she has "many reasons to hate you", though, so without knowing for sure what exactly it is that you think you've done, it's hard for me to guarantee that things are going to be okay. If you were utterly monstrous over a long period of time, there's always a possibility she finally decided to be rid of you. If you just said hurtful things during a single argument/conversation, that's usually something that can be recovered from.

 

Reply to Thread

This thread is locked