I'm incredibly stressed, I feel trapped, and i'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

So i've been under a great amount of stress lately. Ever since my father got together with his new fiance they've done nothing but try to manipulate me (they've both separately admitted this to my face) and are trying to force me down a career path that will make me miserable. My father is also clearly putting his desire to move on with his new fiance above my needs and wants. All of this has been building for some time now, but it's all coming to a head at this point.

It started when he and his fiance told me that I had a 60 day deadline to come up with a plan to reorganize my life (which was only in a bad situation because they arbitrarily decided they didn't want to pay for me to go to college anymore). Then after about 40 of the 60 days, and while I had been mostly investing my time into coming up with ways to get a start in my chosen career path, or looking into alternate ways, my father informed me that part of this plan needed to be me being able to move out very shortly after the 60 days were up

Even after all that, I was able to come up with an arrangment wth a friend of mine, that since he was also going to be looking for an apartment, and said that once I got myself a new job, I could move in with him. This plan still apparently also was not good enough, as according to my dad it didn't count as a plausible plan if i wasn't currently employed by the end of the 60 day period (which I remind you he didn't even tell me that part of that plan needed to move out until 40 days in, and didn't tell me that my plan to move in with my friend as soon as I got a job and could help pay rentwasn't good enough as well until there were only 2 weeks left).

Now it seems that my only option left would be to move in with some members of my dead mother's side of the family 600 miles away, which would leave me incredibly isolated from from nearly everyone I care about in a city that I barely remember. I'd almost certainly become incredibly depressed if forced to move back there. I don't know what to do. I'm so stressed out that I can't even think sometimes. I don't want to move away, but it doesn't seem like any of my friends would be able to take me. I don't know what to do, and the deadline for having a plan is November 9th. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

please help.

I would first try to talk to your dad. It doesn't sound like it from what you said, but you may be able to prolong his deadline if you talk some sense into him. Short of that, keep on job hunting in the mean time. The important thing to note here is, your dad should not be able to control what you do with your life, what plan is plausible or good for you, or anything like that. You should choose what you want to do & go for it. Keep going for whatever that may be, but do not let your dad manipulate you into that mindset if you can!

If worse comes to worse, try staying with another friend here while you look for work. Even if it's for a few weeks here and there, you need all the time you can get ahold of here. I'm well aware that not everyone can or wants to accommodate someone else in their house, but it's worth a shot if you know & care about a lot of people where you live. Things may escalate to worst case scenario, and you may have to move though too. My best advice is to exhaust every possible advantage that you can, no matter how unlikely, before that happens. :)

Last thing I would do is try to find a way to vent your stress out. Do you have any activities in which you can do that? Stress will make any road you travel on harder. Blowing it off in a healthy way will really help. :)

I hope this helps!

Aylaine:
I would first try to talk to your dad. It doesn't sound like it from what you said, but you may be able to prolong his deadline if you talk some sense into him. Short of that, keep on job hunting in the mean time. The important thing to note here is, your dad should not be able to control what you do with your life, what plan is plausible or good for you, or anything like that. You should choose what you want to do & go for it. Keep going for whatever that may be, but do not let your dad manipulate you into that mindset if you can!

If worse comes to worse, try staying with another friend here while you look for work. Even if it's for a few weeks here and there, you need all the time you can get ahold of here. I'm well aware that not everyone can or wants to accommodate someone else in their house, but it's worth a shot if you know & care about a lot of people where you live. Things may escalate to worst case scenario, and you may have to move though too. My best advice is to exhaust every possible advantage that you can, no matter how unlikely, before that happens. :)

Last thing I would do is try to find a way to vent your stress out. Do you have any activities in which you can do that? Stress will make any road you travel on harder. Blowing it off in a healthy way will really help. :)

I hope this helps!

I have already talked to my dad about it , and brought up my concerns about it being an unreasonable timescale given when he revealed the certain facts i mentioned in my first post. He said that it doesn't matter, and that the deadline isn't changing.

I'm currently in the process of trying to find someone who will take me in, but I've had no luck so far. it seems nearly every one of my friends aren't able to take me in for a variety of reasons (lack of room, no longer on good terms with parents, currently living in college dorms, etc)

I'm not sure how long i'd have to leech off of the hospitality either, as I have very limited work experience, and thus it makes it really hard to get any sort of employment, especially in the current economic climate.

As for stress relieving activities, I don't have much at the moment, just talking to my friends and video games both of which only provide me with a very temporary relief that stops almost as soon as i stop engaging in them as the situation continues to loom over my head. If you have anything to help with this, please tell me. It's getting to be too much to handle. It feels like at this point i'll end up miserable no matter what I do.

First of all, I'd make absolute sure that your dad cannot be budged on this. You know your dad better than anyone here, would he actually kick you out if you can't meet the deadline?

If so, make sure to exhaust your list of friends looking for places to stay to buy more time. Maybe just ask to stay with X friend for a few days, Y friend a few days after that, and so on. It's not ideal by any means, but its a tough situation you've got on your hands here.

Sutter Cane:

I'm not sure how long i'd have to leech off of the hospitality either, as I have very limited work experience, and thus it makes it really hard to get any sort of employment, especially in the current economic climate.

I can provide more helpful advice in this regard:

(1) First of all, if you want to get a job and don't have much or any job experience, apply everywhere. When searching for my first job, I tried to file at least one application a day if not more. Nothing is beneath you, as cruel as that may sound. For someone with no experience, fast food is generally a good place to look, even if it sounds demeaning.

(2) Take your application to the next level. Write yourself a snazzy cover letter and make up a simple resume of helpful experience (doesn't have to be work related) and staple it to job applications. If possible, try to hand it to a manager in person. This will help make you stand out from all the other job seekers and smooth over a lack of experience.

Can't guarantee that will get you a job in two weeks, but it's a start :D

Hope this helps you.

My parents have, in the past, expressed a deep desire for my sister to move out, however, when that time came and went, they didn't kick her out. There aren't many parents who are willing to do such a thing to their children. Especially when the child has nowhere else to go.

If you show that you're very actively trying to move out, your father may budge a little on his deadline. He wants you to have a plan, you DO have a plan, it's just hard to find a job and certainly he knows that. As Savo says, apply everywhere. There are quite a few business taking seasonal workers at this time. Even if a seasonal job is temporary, sometimes they can jump into a permanent position, and if they don't, will at least give you the experience you need to acquire a permanent position elsewhere.

Sutter Cane:

Aylaine:

Last thing I would do is try to find a way to vent your stress out. Do you have any activities in which you can do that? Stress will make any road you travel on harder. Blowing it off in a healthy way will really help. :)

As for stress relieving activities, I don't have much at the moment, just talking to my friends and video games both of which only provide me with a very temporary relief that stops almost as soon as i stop engaging in them as the situation continues to loom over my head. If you have anything to help with this, please tell me. It's getting to be too much to handle. It feels like at this point i'll end up miserable no matter what I do.

Martial arts, but that can be difficult if your time and finances are limited.
Try outdoor activities like swimming, or going for a walk. If you live in an area that provides hiking, that's a wonderful activity that can take your mind off things. I wouldn't suggest going to the gym because quite a few people find that to be boring. I personally need to be doing something while I exercise, so it becomes fun rather than work.

Sutter Cane:
As for stress relieving activities, I don't have much at the moment, just talking to my friends and video games both of which only provide me with a very temporary relief that stops almost as soon as i stop engaging in them as the situation continues to loom over my head. If you have anything to help with this, please tell me. It's getting to be too much to handle. It feels like at this point i'll end up miserable no matter what I do.

Try some form of exercising. That helps me relieve stress pretty well. Running, boxing, and a few others are what I have personally tried. You can also write your feelings down on paper to get them out of your system. Crying also helps. Basically, try things available to you in order to see if you can find some better ways of getting rid of stress. Another tactic I use is to watch funny videos or movies. Laughter can be a really amazing medicine. Do note that stress has to go away naturally, things you do to vent it won't make it disappear in most cases. It's more of a "minimize the strain" solution. The less you feel stressed, the easier things will be. :)

Have you talked to everyone so far? Savo offers some sound advice there: just apply. Everywhere. If a week has passed, apply again or call them. You want to some employers that added level of initiative. They will take notice of that among all the other people who just apply but don't check back. :)

Have you considered asking your friends and father for help getting a job?

sometimes it takes the friends and family hook-up to boost your application over the others.

Sutter Cane:
snip

First of all, try to stay calm. It's a bad situation, but panicking at this point will make it worse. Try and keep things in perspective and, if things get rough, just sit around and brainstorm for a bit what your options are. Don't focus on worst case scenarios, your dad sounds like a bit of a tool but I highly doubt he's going to let you starve on the street. It sounds like he just wants to move on with his own life, which is pretty selfish but also kind of understandable in a way, so I suspect he's pushing you quite hard but that doesn't mean he just doesn't give a shit about you. If he didn't, he would have kicked you out already.

If worst comes to worst, moving in with your mother's family might not be such a bad deal. Sure, it would be harsh being so far from your friends, but as long as you keep in touch with them they're not going to suddenly forget you or stop caring about you. I don't know what your mother's family is like, but unless they're outright abusive it's going to be better than being homeless. Just keep in mind it's an option and again, it means you're going to get through this. You're not going to end up homeless, that's the really important thing right now. The main advantage is that you probably wouldn't be paying as much rent, so you could afford to save up with a view to maybe long term going back to college or something like that.

Speaking of which, don't worry so much about college, because you can always go back at any point in the future. The only thing that might potentially stop you is doing something like getting a mortgage or having children, and even then you might be able to work around it by getting a student loan. It doesn't sound like that's an option for now though because you have so little time, so my advice would just be to look for any kind of job you can, even if on the face of it it looks pretty terrible. Working in a crappy job is not going to permanently damage your life chances, it can only help you in fact because it will make it easier to find other jobs.

One option might be to see if you're eligible for unemployment benefit. I know it's humiliating to go on benefits, but it's a temporary thing and it will buy you some more time to look for a job. Your dad has not given you enough time. You could try explaining that to him, but it doesn't sound like he's being very flexible. Benefits might mean you can afford to pay rent for a while so you can stay in the same city and look for a job. You're going to need to check with your local job centre or ask at an employment agency about how local law applies to you though.

In the meantime.

* Sign up to temping agencies, and keep harassing them. They will forget you exist on a regular basis, so you need to keep calling them up and asking them if they have anything.

* Just keep putting applications in. Set yourself the target of doing a certain number each day (two or three is probably enough, they take a long time if you're doing them properly). You could try putting in cold applications to places which you might be okay to work at, but also keep checking the websites of things like fast food chains and supermarkets. Even if you have no desire to work in that area getting a temporary job there will make it easier to find other work in the future.

Seriously, it will be fine. Even if you have to move away for a bit, you can always keep looking for a job where you are now and then come back once you've found something. Ask your dad if he'd be willing to help you out with the cost of coming back for interviews, maybe.

Update on ths situation. Got into a big argument with my dad and his fiance. I stormed out of the house, and spent the night at a friend's. I can't stay there any longer and have nowhere else to go, so i have to head back home. It seems clear i won't be welcome at home much longer, and my other friend still hasn't found an apartment. I feel like there's no way out. I feel like all the decisions i have will just lead to more misery for me. i can't take much more of this. I just want out.

Sutter Cane:
Update on ths situation. Got into a big argument with my dad and his fiance. I stormed out of the house, and spent the night at a friend's. I can't stay there any longer and have nowhere else to go, so i have to head back home. It seems clear i won't be welcome at home much longer, and my other friend still hasn't found an apartment. I feel like there's no way out. I feel like all the decisions i have will just lead to more misery for me. i can't take much more of this. I just want out.

Once again just calm down
One immediate option that often is overlooked- homeless shelters
I know it sounds bad, but when you have nowhere to go you can try to go there- it is better than sleeping on a bench (especially in winter)
Just don't be drunk or on drugs- at least here it is guarantee that you won't get inside

Helped me when I got in argument with my parents- at least they have showers and clean beds
One thing though- it is either hellevator or rock bottom, depending on how strong you are. Weak ones keep going down, while more or less determined ones go only up from there. Just a warning.
That's one.

Two. Aggressively search for jobs- doesn't matter you like job or not- you need job to get money to get your own place. You don't have luxury to be picky. Especially in places that are socially shunned, for example, shops that sells sex accessories or garbage collectors (bad examples, but you get the idea). Like guys and girls previously wrote- send multiple applications. Even multiple times to the same place, if in 1-2 weeks nobody responds send application again- consider it like knocking, you knock 3-4 times before being sure that nobody will open door.

And good luck- you're not only one who went through shit like that and when you'll get away from it you'll be a stronger person. Consider it like Heavy/Light armor skills in Elder Scrolls- the more you get hit, the better you withstand further hits (oh, there will be further hits, it is one thing I can guarantee) :D

P.S. Let me be blunt about that whole "I just want out" thing. DON'T COMMIT SUICIDE, please! You will always have means and time to kill yourself, so if the option is always there, why not to postpone it indefinitely and try make things better while there are other options? Such approach helped me, maybe it will make things clear for you too.
P.P.S. Besides I'm going to laugh at you if you do kill yourself (maybe even crack a few terrible jokes) and that will make me look like a sick and horrible person. You don't want that do you? DO YOU???
P.P.P.S. Just don't do anything stupid and irreversible, ok?

Sutter Cane:
Update on ths situation. Got into a big argument with my dad and his fiance. I stormed out of the house, and spent the night at a friend's. I can't stay there any longer and have nowhere else to go, so i have to head back home. It seems clear i won't be welcome at home much longer, and my other friend still hasn't found an apartment. I feel like there's no way out. I feel like all the decisions i have will just lead to more misery for me. i can't take much more of this. I just want out.

If you have to go to live with your other relatives, if there is no other option (try homeless shelters if you can, they will at least provide you with a roof. You will need money to make that route work though.) then I would try to make the best of moving. Sometimes in life, circumstances allow us no choices. Things don't come together firmly, or it just doesn't work out. It happens to everyone. In a forced decision such as the one you may have to make, I would try to do whatever you can to make the best of the situation while trying to return to the town you are in now. It can be a goal to work towards. It will give you determination & purpose, especially when looking for work out there. In the same light, doing these things now would garner the same feelings. Have you been looking for a job?

Exhaust all options before you decide to move. Chin up, do some research and just see what you can do right now to avoid or postpone that decision. Go apply, everywhere. Call back. See if theres any under the counter work you can do, in order to buy food & other things you will need. Just don't give up until you've done all that you can. This way, you can firmly say you tried everything, and you won't have any regrets because beyond that, circumstances were out of your control as a person. :)

 

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