Bullying and Ridicule: I Want Your Advise And Etc.

I'm in High School. It's a small part of my life, I know, and my social life isn't as important as learning and so on and so forth but something has begun to worry me. Y'see, I've thought that the people I "hang" with were my friends but the past few weeks have brought that into question. I decided to ask one of the guys I hang out with both in and out off school if he considered me and him friends and he said "no.". That was it, just "no.", didn't even think about it. When I asked other peeps I am chummy with they all had variations on "no.". After that I started noticing things, I thought everyone did the dead arm thing to each other in a pally way but no... I'm beat up and ridiculed, I'm near-hated. People think I'm funny sometimes, the way I smile through insults and crack jokes but it doesn't change the fact that people mock me constantly.

The girl I was kinda into, whom I thought liked me, was subject to the rumors people spread about me and now doesn't even spare a glance. My life has devolved in a matter of weeks from being happy to miserable. Trying to be flirty and charming has become pining over Milla Jovovich. Happy at home has become staring at the mirror for half an hour trying to figure out why I was staring into the mirror.

I don't know, I'm just pissed and I want sympathy or advise or some shit. I feel like a dick wasting others times with my problems though...

The best advice I can give is branch out, and try to find some people who will appreciate you more. If other people mistreat you, then it's really important to not sink down to their level and take issues with them. I can definitely sympathize with you....I was bullied a lot after my parents died in school because it made me a bit awkward to be around, I was depressed, and quite frankly an easy target. At first, I let people get to me because I cared what others thought. Even some friends became shady in that time period, so I had to deal with that. The way I dealt with it was pushed forward with my life, stopped caring, and worked on finding some better friends. I had a lot of close friends help me though, but it was mostly my attitude that helped me get through those nasty experiences. People who try to mistreat you, more often then not, want a reaction. Something that lets them know that they are under your skin, pissing you off, or making you feel bad. If you deny them that, and just ignore them, the games over. That's what I did, and eventually people just left me alone since I couldn't be affected by their actions anymore.

My advice is give that a try, if you can. Simultaneously though, try to make some new friends or improve friendships inside & outside of school. High school will be filled with people who change tune based on what they hear. Those people usually don't make great friends. It's important to find people who will accept you for you, be there for you, and support you. Especially in High School in my opinion. :)

I hope this helps!

I know this is much easier said than done, but you need to branch out and find new friends. I'd suggest finding something you really enjoy and then finding a group of people who also enjoy it. Join a sports team, the drama club, computer club, even go to the homework club after school. There's always people somewhere who share your interests, and they're the best people to look to when you're trying to find new friends.

On top of that, you need to keep looking ahead and not let these people get you down. Like Aylaine said, high school is full of people who believe whatever others tell them. These are not the people you want to be friends with. Stop hanging out with them, it's just getting you down and you likely aren't gonna meet anyone new whom you do like by staying with this group.

I had the exact problem, although I was a bit younger, I must have been about 13-14 and I would hang out with a large group of guys, and one day they just turned around and said "we don't like you, why do hang around us?" And so, me and one other guy were sent off. Best thing to ever happen to me socially, this sounds really stupid I know but it allowed me to become more confident and me and the other kid became best friends and we could talk about the stuff we really wanted to and not just tag on to the others' conversation.

Friendship should come naturally, if you can't "feel" it, then look elsewhere.

High School is that awkward transition between childhood, with its Favorite Colors and Best Friends, and adulthood, with its more subtle and often ambiguous social interactions.

First off, don't take what you think your friends/acquaintances said at face value. None of us know exactly how the situation happened, how you phrased the question, and so on. Perhaps that one guy who straight-out said "no" was just being a jerk or yanking your chain. Perhaps the others thought it was an awkward question or felt embarrassed. These are all people who willingly choose to be in your company, right? None of them actually dislike you, right? Sometimes that's as good as it gets.

But anyway, perhaps the real lesson here is that this is an opportunity for you to branch out and decide what your interests are and who you consider to be your friends.

I can relate to your situation. Back in the later part of Secondary School (what you Americans would call Senior High) I started feeling distant from the people who had until then been my friends; I found their topics of conversation boring, I never really felt as if I "belonged", they'd often forget to invite me to social events and when they did invite me I felt as if I was just there to make up the numbers and not really included. Eventually I got sick of their tedious in-jokes and insincerity and thought, fuck it, I don't need them. I started spending more time on my own in the library during lunch breaks (and started talking to random people there who I wouldn't otherwise have met), and I whittled my social group down to just one or two guys who I ended up keeping in touch with for years after. I may not have had loads of so-called friends, but what the hell, quality is better than quantity.

In summary:

- Everyone feels disillusioned and socially awkward. It's honestly not just you.
- Do your own thing and don't give a f***.
- Meet new people, the ones who matter will be there for you.

Ditch the chumps and find some real friends.
Pick up a sport or some such, and start meeting new people. Try talking to some from class you may not have talked much with before.

But for the love of your life drop the contact to those people.

Seeking validation of existence is something at least the majority of us on this pile of assorted minerals and biologicals.

The question is, where do you really seek yours from and why?

I myself endured almost 12 years of this in 3 different schools and 4 law suits. Its not something that will fade or go away with time either. The scars that you get will be less painful sure, but as the kind people here already pointed out, find something that brings you validation for who you want to be, not whom others think you should be.

The memories of the shit things they done to you will subside, and something that helps is to try and find someone whom you can have an honest talk to from time to time.

Being alone is great and healthy, in the way that people who cant learn the trick of being comfortable alone have yet to realize what and whom they seek validation from. But being alone can also cause you to get stuck in a trail of thought, there fore its very important to get some new air in your head.
But again its good to be comfortable in being alone since those who cannot, they just want to be with people in order to feel "part" of something.

But that is faulty logic in itself, since we are never really apart from anything. We might not be at a certain social gathering or event, but we are still part of the world in the sense one can choose to gate crash it or not, even if that would probably cause more problems that solve, the realization that our choices do carry meaning is a powerful insight that you will come to see I hope.

Anyway, in conclusion, don't falter, those assholes just do not realize whom you are, and that is the real tragedy

Study. Get through college. Get good career. Marry for love.

Go back to your hometown. See those assholes who mocked you running the register at the local gas station. See the cheerleaders you thoughtlessly lusted after -- who the assholes dated and later married -- carrying an extra hundred pounds in bad stretch-pants and chain-smoking discount cigarettes at the nail salon where they try to pretend they're still hot.

Laugh.

There isn't any fast solution. Getting away from those people is a good start. Is there something you do well that they are bad at? Remind yourself of it constantly.

Validation is a tough gig. I'm 35 and still looking for something/one to truly validate my existence. Good luck.

High school is hellish for a lot of people. You know it's only a small part of your life, and that's a good start. After that it really does get better. If you can get away from the particular breed of scum that you hang around with, that would be a start. It takes a while, but you'll find another social group, either within school or outside of it. Just focus on yourself and get through it. And don't worry about romance, especially at school. It can't find you if you go looking for it.

Best advice I could give is try to wait it out. Like you said High School really is a small part of your life. Highschoolers can be really mean and rude for no reason. People eventually grow up though. For example, people in high school that used to ridicule and make fun of me I've encountered later in life and they were all buddy buddy. Don't let insults and ridicule get to you though. It is commonly thought that bullies and people who insult you are just doing so to make them feel better about themselves. There isn't anything wrong with you, there is something wrong with them.

Unless you've completely given up on hygiene, there's nothing wrong with you. Stop staring at the mirror and shrug off their attempts at being an asshole.

If anything, fight back a little. Gone are your moments of caring about what other people think of you! Most people you meet in high school are going to be nothing after it, and then you'll have all sorts of interesting college friends to buddy up with. So do this for yourself: Get good grades, pay attention in class. Stop asking people what they think of you and falling into their sick little games. Come up with your own creative and clever insults to shoot back at people that insult you. Don't just sit there and take it, laying in the fetal position of confusion and defeat.

Think about this from an outside prospective. People who pick on and beat up other people are either practicing to become a professional jerk after school, which of only for a select few I highly doubt, or they're having their own issues, whineries, and emotional backup stressors that they need to express. Clearly they're too retarded to express it in a constructive way and are instead taking it out on you. Show them that you're not their punching bag, dammit. Bite back. They call you a loser, call them a pot-head, or a skinner, or an emotionally deprived weasel. Your friends don't like you? Too bad, it's not like you're going to magically disappear at the drop of a hat.

As for home, screw hte mirror. Put a blanket over it. Go do stuff you enjoy. Watch the tele, play a game or five. Text or whatever kids do these days. If you're going to get depressed, screw that, go take a long walk in quiet. Remember that walking, being active, is better for you than sitting around all day getting fat and lazy.

And get over it, if I didn't bring that up already.

 

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