So awkward.

I'm a lesbian, and I think that a guy from my support group was hitting on me, but I'm not sure. He asked that, if I was in town more often than just for group, if I wanted to get coffee with him sometime. I don't know if he was hitting on me or just being nice/reaching out, so I just said(honestly) that I'm not in town often. My question is, do I tell him I'm gay and risk major awkwardness if he was just being friendly, or do I just leave it alone? Also, how the hell do I work "sorry if you were hitting on me last night but it turns out I'm super gay" into a conversation?

I feel bad for just flat-out turning the guy down, since he's nice and all. I'm not even sure if he was hitting on me or not. Do I just drop a "man, that reminds me of my ex-girlfriend"?

I fail at socialization.

Well, "coffee" is a rather common pick-up line, but just because you had one together doesn't mean you're "dating". 'sides, if he knows, and still wants to grab a coffee sometimes, you know he's there for your company and not your vagina, don't you?

But you know, it's rather simple to figure out what he wants. Ask him, and tell him you're not too likely to actually hook up, considering.

coffee is coffee, I go out with my female and male colleagues for (insert drink here) all the time. I don't want to hit on them I just enjoy their company.

Go for the coffee and if he makes moves at you just gently tell him you're not interested, you don't even need to say you're gay.

Coffee shouldn't be such a big deal.

Or say something like "it'd be nice to go out with a friend." If he's not an idiot he'll get the hint.

Beldaros:

Or say something like "it'd be nice to go out with a friend." If he's not an idiot he'll get the hint.

Ummm, that would depend entirely on how long they know each other. I generally don't call people "friends" after having talked to them them once or twice. They're acquaintances then, not friends. Friendship comes later if ever.

Seriously, people, what is it with this fixation on "dropping hints"? Say what's on your mind and say it straight, poor communication kills!

Vegosiux:

Beldaros:

Or say something like "it'd be nice to go out with a friend." If he's not an idiot he'll get the hint.

Ummm, that would depend entirely on how long they know each other. I generally don't call people "friends" after having talked to them them once or twice. They're acquaintances then, not friends. Friendship comes later if ever.

Seriously, people, what is it with this fixation on "dropping hints"? Say what's on your mind and say it straight, poor communication kills!

I would suggest that saying something straight depends on how long you've known someone, I'm as open as most, and more honest than I should be, but theres no need to say what's on your mind outright when it is only going to lead to both parties feeling awkward and severing your friendhip/acquintanceship(if that's a word)

So fine, I'll reword my sentence "it would be nice to spend tie with a (potential) friend."

All I really wanted to say originally was; don't worry so much about it, just go for coffee.

Aetera:
I'm a lesbian, and I think that a guy from my support group was hitting on me, but I'm not sure. He asked that, if I was in town more often than just for group, if I wanted to get coffee with him sometime. I don't know if he was hitting on me or just being nice/reaching out, so I just said(honestly) that I'm not in town often. My question is, do I tell him I'm gay and risk major awkwardness if he was just being friendly, or do I just leave it alone? Also, how the hell do I work "sorry if you were hitting on me last night but it turns out I'm super gay" into a conversation?

I feel bad for just flat-out turning the guy down, since he's nice and all. I'm not even sure if he was hitting on me or not. Do I just drop a "man, that reminds me of my ex-girlfriend"?

I fail at socialization.

90% likely it was an invitation to a date.

There's a few ways to go about it.

1. Just say no, or say you'll be very busy. You can be nice about it. "Oh I'd love to, but I really can't, I'm going to be really busy". All but the most ardent suitors will read that as rejection, as "I'm super busy" is dating code for "You are gross, and the thought of your penis disgusts me".

2. Say yes, but amend with "BUT I AM SUPER GAY! HAHAHA!". Played right, this can make you seem really charming and hilarious. Played wrong it can make you seem really neurotic and awkward, but hey...nothing worth doing is risk-free.

3. Say yes, and then while drinking coffee find some casual way to mention your significant other. If he immediately appears forlorn, he was trying to pick you up. If he appears cheerful and begins asking questions about your significant other, he was trying to pick you up, but he's adept at hiding it. CAUTION: May still try to pick you up anyway. Some guys, like honey badger, just don't care.

4. Affect a shocked expression, and point at something over his shoulder. When he turns to look, strike him in the temple and flee the scene.

Aetera:
I'm a lesbian, and I think that a guy from my support group was hitting on me, but I'm not sure. He asked that, if I was in town more often than just for group, if I wanted to get coffee with him sometime. I don't know if he was hitting on me or just being nice/reaching out, so I just said(honestly) that I'm not in town often. My question is, do I tell him I'm gay and risk major awkwardness if he was just being friendly, or do I just leave it alone? Also, how the hell do I work "sorry if you were hitting on me last night but it turns out I'm super gay" into a conversation?

I feel bad for just flat-out turning the guy down, since he's nice and all. I'm not even sure if he was hitting on me or not. Do I just drop a "man, that reminds me of my ex-girlfriend"?

I fail at socialization.

Make it a joke but not at anybody's expense.

Have it run something like this:

Him - Wanna get some coffee?
You - Sure, we'll ask everyone, have a nice sociable group gathering outside of the usual meeting. (This should cast some doubts in his mind about whether or not asking you out, if that's what he's doing, is a good idea or not......though not enough for him to abandon attempt yet)
Him - Uhh actually I was just hoping it'd be me and you. (He might say the opposite, either way his intentions should be revealed at this point)
You - Why? Need some advice? I mean I'm into girls too but I can't help you with 'guy stuff' (this is probably untrue but the idea is just to get the 'revelation' that you're a lesbian out in the open as a passing comment and then continue the conversation as friends)

What happens next depends on his intentions and whether you can still hang out as friends I suppose. If he reveals that he WAS asking you out but didn't know you were a lesbian then it becomes a funny making-friends story for later, just an ice-breaker with no pressure.

Of course this won't be how it goes verbatim, I was just trying to give a framework for a way to diffuse the situation.

Captcha: dragon with matches - both redundant and terrifying.

Thanks for the advice, everyone! I talked with him again today and used the, "it's nice to hang out with a friend" and dropped an anecdote about my ex-girlfriend. He seemed surprised, but took it well.

AWKWARDNESS/LOSS OF FRIEND AVERTED. KIND OF. Yeah, pretty sure now he was hitting on me. Still, even if I was straight, hitting on someone at a support group is kind of weird.

Thanks so much! I suck at this type of thing.

 

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