Would you go?
Yes
92.6% (25)
92.6% (25)
No
3.7% (1)
3.7% (1)
Too tough to tell
3.7% (1)
3.7% (1)
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Poll: To go or not to go

Hello escapists,

I have a bit of a predicament. My partners family member has a funeral today, and yesterday it was revealed to me that I was invited... if that's the right word.

however, I only know the immediate members of her family and I do not know the customs for a Czech funeral... It's probably the same pretty much, but I don't like to assume.

I said that I don't really feel like I belong there but of course a big part of me wants to be supportive.

My partner of course doesn't understand why I'd feel like I don't belong... and basically, I want to hear if I'm just being ridiculous, or if my feeling makes sense.

Would you go to the funeral of someone you didn't know, and also where you knew less than 5% of the guests? Why?

Would you be offended if someone you didn't know showed up at your funeral, and didn't/was unable to offer condolences?

Capcha: drag Race - I guess it's fitting because I'm torn.

Go.

You are part of the family speaking indirectly. Suck it up.

Your feelings make sense, but having said that, for many situations not really wanting to do something really isn't a good excuse to not do it.

I've gone to funerals where I've known less than 5% of the guests for distant family members (including with ceremonies I wasn't familiar with like Greek Orthodox) because to the <5% that I DO know, it means a lot to them that I show my face, that I am there for them in their time of grief. Even if your partner wasn't close to this family member, funerals tend not to be the most fun, and they will likely appreciate your company.

Ask your partner if there are any customs you need to be aware of, they'll let you know if there's anything very important to acknowledge, any small faux pas will be forgiven because the family will understand that you weren't to know.

I'd say go, even if it purely for the sake of your partner; she'll want you there, if nothing else. Not knowing the customs is ok, just follow along as best as you can, its the sentiment that really counts.

Beldaros:
My partner of course doesn't understand why I'd feel like I don't belong...

Sounds like your partner wants you there for support. So go.

I went,

it wasn't a disaster, far from it in fact.

It was interesting, my future-brother-in-law's wife made a number of faux pas and stupid decisions, while acting like she really belonged there, so she made me look like the perfect, but silent guest if nothing else.

I met a lot of new future family and had the chance to practice my Czech, ignoring all hyms and prayers. The only time I really felt uncomfortable was at first when I found out I would be at the front of the ceremony, throughout the ceremony. Front row in the church, second quad following the car to the grave, etc.

I guess I knew there was only one answer and that I was worried about nothing really, but there you go.

Thanks for the responses, even if I didn't receive them until after I'd made my decision

if you want to go I say go and if you do not I say no

My advice is go. Your partner indicates that she would like you to go, and it will strengthen relations between you & her family. Al,so, you have to consider that you were invited for a reason: it may be their way of assessing you, so to speak. Just something to consider. :)

Beldaros:
I went,

...second quad following the car to the grave, etc.

Sorry, did you mean "quad" as in "quad bike"?? And to think you could have been sitting at home bored instead! Sounds like you made the right decision.

Pebble:

Beldaros:
I went,

...second quad following the car to the grave, etc.

Sorry, did you mean "quad" as in "quad bike"?? And to think you could have been sitting at home bored instead! Sounds like you made the right decision.

Quad as in group of four people.

 

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