More than friends? *Girls input much appreciated!*

Hello escapists, let me just start off by saying that this is not my first post on these forums, but seeing how I am the paranoid little creep I am I started thinking about the "dangers" that could occour if someone figured they would google me and find this thread ^^

Ok so as you may or may not have figured out this is going to be me seeking advice if this girl wants to be more than just my friend. For starters: Nearly three years ago I met this girl and I confessed my love for her about two years ago, and got rejected. After that I moved on for a period but ultimately I fell back in love with her, however now she had a boyfriend which made things easier as I could never have her anyway. This was about to change though: In the beginning of October her boyfriend broke up with her (it was sort-of a mutual agreement)and after that our friendship has really flourished. We have always been friends but I believe our friendship has got alot closer after she got back on the market so to speak. First week after they broke up we would skype for about 3 hours a day (minimum) just talking about day to day stuff - I was not her "OMG I'M SO SAD MY LIFE SUCKS HE BROKE UP WITH ME" mentor. - Now she's the last person I talk to before sleeping and the first one I speak to as I wake up. She will even text me in the middle of the night if she cant sleep etc.

Now, I know you're all just thinking "okay she probably just needs a friend" but there's the thing: I dont know how many of you are familiar with the app "snapchat", its an app which sends images that will selfdestruct within 10 seconds. She keeps sending me teasing pictures of her when she's in the shower/just out of the shower etc. although they are all cut so that there is really nothing explict about them. A few days ago she asked if I wanted to go out for a walk with her at night, and we dont usually hang out like that alot (we go to school together btw) and she also asked me to go with her to a store which is considered very "coupleish". At the store she even expressed just that "omg it looks like we're moving in together.. ha.. hah...".

Now here's the twist in it all: a girl friend told me that just a few weeks ago she said she was afraid I was falling in love with her again. Should I take this as a suresign that nothing will happen? or could it be that she just didnt want to tell everyone she likes me and such? if she is afraid that I'll fall for her why on earth would she treat me like this? Any girls got any opinions on this? Am I just a so called "Man-Friend"?

Thanks to everyone who actually took the time to read through my little wall.

Maybe a girl can more aptly answer this, but I think the best thing to do is for you to back off a bit. Don't be withholding or punitive or something, but the cynical perspective is that if you bare your soul now, it may just make her a little wary. Try to work on yourself more, find other people who are clearly into you (they're out there!) and play this relationship as it lays.

She teases you with pictures of herself in the shower but is afraid you're falling in love with her? Sounds to me like she doesn't know up from down.

You, my friend, have encountered a universal truism: Women Do Not Make Sense. It's fairly certain she thinks she's being incredibly clear about what she thinks of you, and what she wants to happen next. That's why you're confused, because she thinks she's being clear. Women do that. Constantly.

Throw your hands up and pull a derp face. Admit you have no idea what she's saying. Tell her you don't want to get the wrong idea. It will be awkward but no more awkward than not knowing what the heck's going on.

Yulong:
Now here's the twist in it all: a girl friend told me that just a few weeks ago she said she was afraid I was falling in love with her again. Should I take this as a suresign that nothing will happen? or could it be that she just didnt want to tell everyone she likes me and such? if she is afraid that I'll fall for her why on earth would she treat me like this? Any girls got any opinions on this? Am I just a so called "Man-Friend"?

Well, I'm a girl. And I've got opinions. Yay!

But yeah, see, I've been in situations where I've known guys have been into me, this one guy in particular, and I played up to it a little because it was exciting (I'm not proud of myself, I was an insecure teenager at the time and not used to being desired, that's my very feeble excuse) but then... through getting close to him I ended up falling for him anyway! (... and then getting rejected because he'd had enough of me by then. So I got my just desserts, I guess.)
But my point is, while I was... for lack of a better word... 'teasing' these guys, obviously no one wants to think of themselves as being manipulative, so I excused myself with thoughts like 'it's just a bit of fun', and 'they're not going to think I'm REALLY into them'. So she may be in this mindset, that she's become so used to having you as a close friend that she's comfortable with throwing some rocks into the pond for a bit of a thrill. But she's aware enough that this is causing ripples that she's voicing her concerns to your mutual friends.

But, yehknow, like I said, I did end up falling for the guy I did this the most to, my motivations for the gentle flirting started to shift from thrill seeking to actively wishing he'd grab hold of me and do very naughty things with me. So that could happen. Or it might not. I don't know, this is maybe not very helpful.

Also, a more mature anecdote is what happened with my current boyfriend. I've had a minor crush on him forever but was with another guy for the first two years that I knew him. When me and my ex broke up we started spending a lot of time together and talking every day. Despite always fancying him and him being one of my best friends, I'd never really thought of him as boyfriend material, so I started to get concerned that I was leading him on and considered telling him to back off, even talked to a few friends about it. Yet, every time he invited me out, I'd still say yes. And a couple of months down the line I realised... actually... I did want to go out with him. Really a lot. I think the problem I was having earlier was that it was too soon, I needed more time to get over my last relationship. So, there's another thing it could be.

I worry, though, that I'm being too encouraging. Just because I fall in love with my friends fairly easily does not mean that this girl does. She might just be doing the thrill-seeking with a close friend thing, without the then-actually-falling-for-you thing. So I'd suggest that you don't get your hopes up, just see how it plays out, and at some point, if it feels natural and right, make a move. Because the worst that will happen is you'll find out she's not actually into you.

She needs attention, and knows exactly who to get it from. She's being a bitch, really, because she doesn't want you but won't say "just friends" because she knows you may move on and leave her without someone to make her feel special.

Pretty harsh, but she's leading you on because she needs someone fawning over her. Move on.

... Yeah, that's bitchy of me, but this is why I hate women (even if I am one). We're needy, whiny, manipulative little cunts.

I guess you could always talk to her, it will certainly be awkward but at least you will know what is going on. You don't even have to tell her that you've fallen for her just ask her why she's teasing you. Its better to know than to spend all of your time wondering.

Sounds to me like you've encountered a Master of the Mixed Message. You should be able to ask her to explain her actions/feelings without things getting too awkward. It's possible it might blow up in your face depending on what this girl is like, but this is something that needs to be resolved at some point.
Also, I find it very unlikely that you're in love, and would suggest refraining from using that word in a confession of any kind, but I don't know this girl or you.

Thanks for all the replies. I know that talking to her about it would indeed be the best... The thing is though that its going to be very awkward, she gets awkward really easily (heck she even thinks walking over the road is awkward if cars have to stop for her..). I'm not exactly a master at handling awkward situations myself either.

Basically whatever I do to make this a "big deal" will turn out to something awkward. I really dont want to risk losing her as a friend either cause well she's one of the few people I actually consider my friend.

The question I would really ask you is... are you comfortable with the way things are now? Like, do you really need to be with her in a romantic sense, or are you happy with being very (very) close friends with her?

I, personally, in your situation, would be content with such a friendship; it doesn't necessarily need to become romantic.

Sure, if you makes moves on you, go for it! But if you're comfortable with the circumstances you are in right now, why try to change it?

edit: I'm a dude, by the way, but I once got a 10/10 on a FaceBook quiz about whether you understand girls! Hurr hurrr hurrr.

I think you should talk to her and just lay everything out. You don't have to be fully blunt with her but tell her how you feel. If you don't tell her how you feel then it will just keep going on like a game of cat and mouse. If she can't respect the way you feel then you need to let her know you need your space. If she's going to keep sending you mix messages and always turn into rejection then you need to limit this friend time. You can't let the awkwardness stop you from talking about how you feel. Lets face it talking to someone else how you feel is always awkward.

It's kind of like your being her emotional fluffier. Your filling her emotions to have that kind of boyfriend-ish/flirty relationship without the perks or being in one until she finds what she is looking for. It's almost like having a back-up boyfriend when someone dumps you (sounds odd but it happens).

-I'm a girl and that's my two cents.

Simalacrum:
The question I would really ask you is... are you comfortable with the way things are now? Like, do you really need to be with her in a romantic sense, or are you happy with being very (very) close friends with her?

I, personally, in your situation, would be content with such a friendship; it doesn't necessarily need to become romantic.

Sure, if you makes moves on you, go for it! But if you're comfortable with the circumstances you are in right now, why try to change it?

edit: I'm a dude, by the way, but I once got a 10/10 on a FaceBook quiz about whether you understand girls! Hurr hurrr hurrr.

Yeah thats the exact thing I have been debating myself. While I would indeed like to be with her in a romantic sense, I'm not sure if I would like it so much that I'm willing to risk the entire friendship, cause I'm quite content with just being her friend aswell.
(PS: I must say your experience is quite intriguing!!)

as for Jinxzy, I am aware that I probably am something of a back-up boyfriend (because I have been there before..) however, last time it ended up with the girl actually falling for me. I guess thats what I'm hoping will happen this time around aswell. (notably, last time I told the girl we should just stay friends ...)

ratzofftoya:
Maybe a girl can more aptly answer this, but I think the best thing to do is for you to back off a bit. Don't be withholding or punitive or something, but the cynical perspective is that if you bare your soul now, it may just make her a little wary. Try to work on yourself more, find other people who are clearly into you (they're out there!) and play this relationship as it lays.

Sounds like this girl likes the attention you give her, but doesn't want the relationship that goes along with it. I know it sucks, but some women are just like that. They need that extra bit of attention to feel confident and whole, while they pursue other endeavors. So...whether you believe me or not, in my opinion this girl is just using you to feel better about herself.

Have you actually asked her what's with the pictures?

If you haven't, being direct is the best solution. She's the one making the moves (saucy pictures can't be interpreted any other way besides flirting) so it's up to her to explain her motivations.

Try to stay as neutral as possible (as in don't act excited that she might be into you, and don't be overly aggressive about it). If you play it right, she'll either come out and say that she does like you or she'll do something that gives away whether she's playing with you or not (lousy excuse, tough being single again, something like that).

Also don't let her turn it about and make you say that you are in love with her before she gives you a solid answer(that will give her the opportunity to turn it into you asking her out again and her rejecting you).

You'll know what she thinks either way and you can stop torturing yourself.

 

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