Hello, Escapist. I need advice, and I take it you're only reading this if you're willing to help/flame, so let's get on with it. My story is, I assume, similar to many. Pretty tall, average intelligent guy (whom we'll call tophat) who can't get with a girl to save his life. I've fallen for a girl who I'll name "Fedora". Fedora seems pretty nice to me, a little squimish when I act crazy (which is my personality), but overall seems to enjoy my company. So here's the problem: I was recently informed by a friend of mine that another guy (Whom we'll call Cartman) has proclaimed to had intercourse with her and her friend. I know for a fact this is extremely unlikely, as Cartman is known to lie a lot in order to increase his sexual standing, and Fedora would NEVER go for a guy like him. However, since the seed of doubt has been placed in my mind,I can't help feel like part of me believes she would do that. So yeah, duel advice. How do I deal with the feeling that Fedora got with Cartman, and any advice for getting with her myself?
Thanks Escapist, you guys are beautiful. As a sidenote: 10th grade.
Let's pretend for a moment that Cartman has had sex with Fedora. So what? What's stopping you from being with her? Does that fact make her less attractive? The only way to get with her yourself is to tell her how you feel. It works. Trust me. She's not a mind reader. And if it turns out she likes Cartman more, well... there's nothing you can do about that. Talking from my own experiences, you're in 10th grade, don't let let this situation worry you too much. You'll go crazy by the time you're out of high school if you do.
Looking back to my highschool days, I remember that I always wanted to date virgins, even after I no longer was. As you get older, not only does the percentage of girls who have not been with someone else decrease dramatically, you also realize that it really doesn't matter. Chances are your first will not be your last, and the same could be said of her. Whether or not she has been with Cartman, if you want her go tell her how you feel. There's also a very easy way to find out whether or not she's been with Cartman, or anyone else for that matter...ask her! Honesty and communication are the most important aspects of a relationship. Tell her how you feel, ask her anything you want to know about her, have meaningful conversations. That will probably win her over more than someone who lies for his own prestige anyway.
On a side note, you kinda took a dark turn toward the end and made it sound like you are only after sex with her, now that Cartman has said what he said...if that's the case, disregard all my advice, because I am more interested in helping people develop the kind of bond I have with my wife, not just "get with" a girl.
The quality of any advice can be based on the life of the person who is giving it...I have been with many girls over the years, had my share of jealousies, did my share of bad things to good people. Now I have been with my amazing wife for eight years, and we wouldn't be if we kept anything from each other or tried to do things in a sneaky manner.
1. Talk to "Fedora", cut the gossip and go to the source. If you don't trust her to tell you the truth, you probably shouldn't be looking for a relationship with her.
2. Don't use the terms "getting with her", it's not flattering and implies you're only after sex.
3. You're going to have to get over the idea of a girl you like sleeping with someone else. There isn't any universal trick to it, you just do it.
By grade 10, the ratio of virgin to non-virgin women is starting to even out, and in the next few years the ratio will tip heavily (almost entirely) in favor of non-virgins. Going to have to accept that the odds are highest that any single girl you meet from now on out will likely have had sex with someone else before you.
Here's a way to approach it, go to Fedora and tell her Cartman is spreading that rymor. She ought to know that, whether it's true or not, he *is* telling people that and presumably she wouldn't want that kind of gossip around or would want to know what people say about her.
And why do you need to care if she actually did? People have pasts, so long as she's not gonna get with you and cheat on you with him, what's the issue?
Don't sweat the liars. They will always be around. I've known guys in their fifties who acted like Cartman. At some point you just have to understand everything that comes out of their mouths is garbage, and not pay much attention to it.
As for "getting with her": Come up to her and ask her if she wants to go out sometime. It's okay to stammer a bit, she might think it's cute.