I just don't get life anymore

It seems I just can't catch a break. I just moved out to CA and I still get the same treatment I get from when I was in NJ. There's a part of me that just wants to lie to people/just be a fake. I know it's wrong to do this but I want people to notice me. I don't/can't want/have gamer friends cause all of them are just selfish egomanicial bullies who want to have a good time-as long as they're winning.

So should I just fake it all or just stay lonely forever?

Personally, I've decided that the company of people who I don't have much in common with is not worth the effort to make them notice me. I'd rather stay in by myself with a good book than be participating in activities and conversation that I don't enjoy just for the sake of having some company.

So if it were really down to those two extremes, I'd say stay lonely forever.

However, there will be people who share your interests who are actually nice. There are just too many people who exist for that not to be the case. Maybe not in your immediate area, you may have to go out there and find them. I've found a lot of nice people who are into comics, so if that interests you you might want to go to some comics conventions or join comics forums. If it doesn't, then replace 'comics' with something else you enjoy, there will be interesting and friendly people there. And even if they don't live near you that's kind of what's so great about the internet. And trips to other places.

But where? I've been to the comics store. Thankfully there's no arcades. My Gamestops only littered with kids.

Why do they need to like games? Im sure youre a man of many interests, try any other of them for friends. I have some friends where we enjoy TOTALLY different things but get on really well as people. Dont confine yourself to needing "Gamer" friends.

BiscuitTrouser:
Why do they need to like games? Im sure youre a man of many interests, try any other of them for friends. I have some friends where we enjoy TOTALLY different things but get on really well as people. Dont confine yourself to needing "Gamer" friends.

Cause I know that if I try anyone else I'll be shunned. I know I can try other types of people but it's just easier to try gamers. Though I know it's like an abusive relationship with them, at least I know then I've got a chance to potentially make a friend, even if that chance is slim.

RaikuFA:

Cause I know that if I try anyone else I'll be shunned. I know I can try other types of people but it's just easier to try gamers. Though I know it's like an abusive relationship with them, at least I know then I've got a chance to potentially make a friend, even if that chance is slim.

Why do you know that? ALL of my friends are non gamers. All of them. And im not shunned. Am i an impossibility? Well youve said that gamers are incompatible because you tried. Thats fact and ill concede it. Youve said you will be shunned by EVERYONE else in the human population so youre not willing to try. Thats silly. Dont deny yourself the opportunity. If youre not willing to try things then theres not much else you can do.

BiscuitTrouser:

RaikuFA:

Cause I know that if I try anyone else I'll be shunned. I know I can try other types of people but it's just easier to try gamers. Though I know it's like an abusive relationship with them, at least I know then I've got a chance to potentially make a friend, even if that chance is slim.

Why do you know that? ALL of my friends are non gamers. All of them. And im not shunned. Am i an impossibility? Well youve said that gamers are incompatible because you tried. Thats fact and ill concede it. Youve said you will be shunned by EVERYONE else in the human population so youre not willing to try. Thats silly. Dont deny yourself the opportunity. If youre not willing to try things then theres not much else you can do.

I do. I've just seen it from the outside and it's all just a huge interview where one wrong answer=being thrown out cause my opinions don't match what these people want. I don't want to be a yes man but I know if I want to socialize I'm gonna need to be one.

RaikuFA:

I do. I've just seen it from the outside and it's all just a huge interview where one wrong answer=being thrown out cause my opinions don't match what these people want. I don't want to be a yes man but I know if I want to socialize I'm gonna need to be one.

Give it a go from the inside and be honest. I mean come on. I manage it. So people MUST exist who are to some degree descent human beings. Youre colossal negativity toward the subject isnt doing you any favors. If youre gonna ask for advice you gotta be prepared to do things you didnt think of yourself, thats the point of advice right? Take a risk. If youre gonna say "What should i do?" Then defend to the death your current idea of "Inaction/becoming a living lie" then you might as well bounce ideas of a mirror :P Cmon, it cant hurt to go give it a go. I met a lot of awesome people who dont care about people agreeing on all things by saying screw it and giving it a go :D People are better than you think they are, even if a LOT are like you say it isnt fair to assume everyone is. Im most certainly not :3

Unless youre insinuating that EVERYONE who socializes is a yes man, me included, youre gonna have to admit theres definitely nice people out there. Cmon. Admit theres one :P Maybe two? It happens.

Also if you go and meet new people with the attitude that they suck and you will hate them you aint doing yourself any favors. The fact is that gamers arnt an elite bunch of super accepting people. They are just the exact same as regular people. Except they like games. Its rather straight forward. Dont seperate everyone out like that.

If im gonna be brutally honest then ill say nothing good will happen unless you either take a risk or change your mentality. You dont win by being so negative. Im sorry if that hurts your feelings but i honestly want you to take something away from this thread where you asked for help so ill just say it. Even if it sucks. Chin up, go talk to some randomers who dont share gaming with you and see what else you have in common. Let go of your divisions based on gaming or other interests. It might be hard and you might wanna ignore what i write or write me off as an idealist hippy who has no idea what the real world is like but maybe youll take something from this. Suffice to say youre wrong and cynical and probably in a dark place right now. Thats all ok. Just take a deep breath, dont worry about it and come read this again tomorrow. You dont need to be a lie to talk to people or befriend them and no one is being so critical of you, if they are they are most certainly not a majority. I hope this helps. I wont be offended if you read this and think its total bullshit. Im just sharing the thought process that helped me.

RaikuFA:
snip

I know the feeling people are pretty shit.

My advice is don't fake it, whatever you do. You are better off on your own than living your life miserable, right? Even if being alone can be so depressing. I guess it is a choice you have to make and decide what will make you less happy?

I think you have a better chance of finding a real friend if you don't be fake, even if it sometimes feels like a long shot.

I am in a similar boat as you, no friends, all I see around me are assholes and bullies. It can suck, I have gotten through it by hating everyone and learning to enjoy and love my own company and my family. What family I have left that is.

You know I can hate people, and you can hate people, but we both have to accept that not EVERYONE is bad. I mean I am not so bad, I am the lonely as well, so there are people like you out there that don't judge people too harshly on there looks, interests or personalities.

I feel myself giving up though, I have never felt so alone as I do right now, never felt so afraid and cautious of men and people, I have never hated humanity as much as I do now. I keep my head down and find my own entertainment. I pretty much get all my socializing down on the Escapist.

If you ever want someone to talk to send me a message, I would love to chat.

My friend came to me with the same kind of problem. She was complaining that she never seemed to be accepted for who she was.
As long as you keep faking it, you wont meet someone that like you as who you are.

Angie7F:
My friend came to me with the same kind of problem. She was complaining that she never seemed to be accepted for who she was.
As long as you keep faking it, you wont meet someone that like you as who you are.

Ninja'd. Seriously, this is some solid advice, cheesy as it may be. It may take time, but good things do, and when you find that someone, it will have been worth the wait.

RaikuFA:
It seems I just can't catch a break. I just moved out to CA and I still get the same treatment I get from when I was in NJ. There's a part of me that just wants to lie to people/just be a fake. I know it's wrong to do this but I want people to notice me. I don't/can't want/have gamer friends cause all of them are just selfish egomanicial bullies who want to have a good time-as long as they're winning.

So should I just fake it all or just stay lonely forever?

Think about it this way the less people notice you the more you can get away with. People notice me a lot me and I hate it, to the point I'm actually insulted. I go out of my way to avoid people and they still recognize me and want to talk to me, you'd think they'd catch on that I'm avoiding eye contact for a reason but no.

RaikuFA:

BiscuitTrouser:
Why do they need to like games? Im sure youre a man of many interests, try any other of them for friends. I have some friends where we enjoy TOTALLY different things but get on really well as people. Dont confine yourself to needing "Gamer" friends.

Cause I know that if I try anyone else I'll be shunned. I know I can try other types of people but it's just easier to try gamers. Though I know it's like an abusive relationship with them, at least I know then I've got a chance to potentially make a friend, even if that chance is slim.

look mate dont get depressed , go do some sports like football( a briliant sport you americans call soccer for some reason that will never be understood by us europeans, cause for good sakes there is a ball and you use your feet), or hockey so you can go and meet some new people.Dont be fake, be yourself if someone doesnt like it, who gives a flying tosser, if someone insults you punch that motherf**ker in the face so hard so that he never forgets you, even if you get the crap beaten out of you it doesnt matter what matters is you stood up for yourself. And they dont have to be gamers mate,i have gamer frends who ive known for 5-6 years and i havent even met them in person cause they live in diffrent countries.Trust me best frends are teammates , if you do sports you will learn this, because your teammate is your brother , you trust him he trusts you to do your job and vice versa and after a while that trusts turns into real brotherhood, your team has your back you have the back of anyone else from the team. You can also be frends with people from your highschool for example ,but when for me personaly i hated most of those pricks cause they were fu**en idiots but out of all those people you might actualy make some great frends.
Anyway mate im still hung over from last night so thats all from me.
have a good night/day everyone.

RaikuFA:
It seems I just can't catch a break. I just moved out to CA and I still get the same treatment I get from when I was in NJ. There's a part of me that just wants to lie to people/just be a fake. I know it's wrong to do this but I want people to notice me. I don't/can't want/have gamer friends cause all of them are just selfish egomanicial bullies who want to have a good time-as long as they're winning.

So should I just fake it all or just stay lonely forever?

Don't fake anything dude. There is ALWAYS people out there that have the same interests and a similar personality as you do that are more than willing to except you as a person. Meeting people can sometimes be a bit tough if you don't know anybody. Try to make small talk with somebody random, start off with something you notice they may be doing, if they are reading a book remark on that like:
"oh i've heard of that, any good?"
"Who's your favorite author?"
"Oh really? That's interesting, you know i've read this by blah blah blah and it was pretty good/bad"

Then you can build it from there be like:
"Sorry what's you're name? So-and so? Oh nice to meet you, my name is (Whatever your real name is :P)

Thats when you can start asking basic questions and stuff like, so what do you do? are you in school? where do you go? stuff like that.

I'm sure you understand perfectly what I mean, but it's small things like that that can get you out there and meeting new people, you're putting yourself out there. You're getting the base relationship down then when you are more comfortable then just start to get to know them and let them get to know you. If they are assholes then fuck em they're not worth it. Same with those gamer friends of yours, there are ALWAYS people who are different and accepting of people. You shouldn't have to fake for anybody, sometimes to a small degree, but don't change yourself too much, or at all for assholes :p theres plenty of those out there too, but it's no skin off your teeth ;p

I thank you for all your help. But going out today I realized something.

I don't even know who I am anymore.

I went to a tabletop games shop. I was disgusted with what I saw. I didn't feel like I belonged. The same with the Gamestop, the Anime/Manga store, I couldn't even stand the bookstore.

RaikuFA:
I thank you for all your help. But going out today I realized something.

I don't even know who I am anymore.

I went to a tabletop games shop. I was disgusted with what I saw. I didn't feel like I belonged. The same with the Gamestop, the Anime/Manga store, I couldn't even stand the bookstore.

Welcome to my life.
There is no one for me. I am no one for anyone.
The only thing I found to work to keep myself from dropping form the face of society and reality was to on purpose tie to myself to others.
First I tied myself as crucial part in my WoW Guild. On purpose - They couldn't raid without me, I knew things and did things other couldn't.
After my guild fell apart after I had been part of it for 5 years. I felt like everything was lost. Then I fell in to depression and lost intrest in gaming, that still hasn't returned.

After that (and during that) I tied myself to a orchestra, first I started as 4th horn player. Now the orchestra is basically lost without me and I lead 2 set-ups.

I don't say I like doing all these things with these people - well I enjoy the music and playing, but not the people I play with. Not the audience in our gigs, not the long trips. (I committed to tour in USA next summer) Just and only because I know that I have to stay part of the society or I disappear.

you don't need to lie, you can tell the truth. But find yourself something YOU like, but it needs other people. Find yourself a gaming group, make yourself one. Find annoying people and tie yourself in to them. Sooner or later you will find a reason to keep going.

The only reason I keep living from next day. Even when I suffer from severe permanent neurological sickness and hate this world for it.
Is because... I know that tomorrow, there are people who need me. People who I don't want to get in to issues because of me. I don't want to be so selfish that I cause problems to others because I have problems.

I know how you feel. You can only keep going. Know you are not alone. Find something to tie yourself in to. Become crucial part of the society.

RaikuFA:
I thank you for all your help. But going out today I realized something.

I don't even know who I am anymore.

I went to a tabletop games shop. I was disgusted with what I saw. I didn't feel like I belonged. The same with the Gamestop, the Anime/Manga store, I couldn't even stand the bookstore.

I don't get this, I really don't. What on earth do those random locations have to do with who you are? Your hobbies do not define you. I love video games, books, comics and so on - I don't go and hang around at places where I can buy those hoping to make conversation with a random stranger. That is, quite frankly, creepy and intrusive and I'd hate it if someone did the same thing to me. If I want to talk about these things, I'll go on the internet to find people who are specifically interested in discussing them with complete strangers.

I've read your posts on this topic and honestly they just don't make sense to me. Everyone is, to some degree, phoney in the sense that nobody ever reveals everything of themselves. We all have something to hide, we all have things we won't talk about to people we don't trust, and we all have private things we'd rather not share to anyone. That isn't people lying to you, that's people functioning in a social situation. You seem to be dooming your own efforts with a self-fulfilling prophecy; you claim that you can only be friends with a certain subset of society (gamers) because anyone else will shun you because you've "seen it happen before", but you don't like gamers because we're egotists who only care about winning. Obviously you're never going to make any friends if you set such narrow parameters, especially when those parameters contain only people you don't actually want to be friends with.

Find a thing you like doing. Try to find some people who also enjoy doing it. Don't label them as "gamers" or anything else, because you clearly have trouble with ascribing stereotypes to such labels - just think of them as people who happen to like games. They are likely to have a million other interests and hobbies, some of which you may enjoy. Don't just pigeonhole on the basis of what you expect.

If all else fails, have a social life on the internet. An online friendship is just as valid as any other.

Good luck!

RaikuFA:
I thank you for all your help. But going out today I realized something.

I don't even know who I am anymore.

I went to a tabletop games shop. I was disgusted with what I saw. I didn't feel like I belonged. The same with the Gamestop, the Anime/Manga store, I couldn't even stand the bookstore.

Okay, that's random. but then what are you looking for in a friend? A fellow geek? A smart buddy? What?

I understand where you're coming from. I look at the sort of friendships others have and I want that. The kind of friendships where you can talk about whatever you want/like/are interested on without the other person giving you a "Fuck you" or a polite nod and a smile. The friendship where you can be yourself and people don't get driven off.

But like everyone said, you gotta give people a shot. Half of my friends are not hardcore gamers. My best friends don't even like games or know about games that much. We still play some games but I'd love for them to be into games as much as I am because the only sort of gaming conversations I wish I could have with them are instead going on online.

Anyway, that's not to say they're bad. They've both been there for me in their own way. We have similar sense of humor, we like similar movies and genres, and...well, I admit we don't have that many things in common. But that alone, being able to, let's say, go hang out at a mall and laugh about the same things while eating some ice cream or whatever is fine by me. I have a good time with them.

But never, ever, fake it. It's way worse to pretend to be someone else. Everyone will be unhappy. If you just don't wanna be alone that way, buy a puppy.
I'm not saying to settle with the first person who goes your way. But be open minded. Maybe you'll hang out with that one guy for one night. Maybe turns out he sucks. Ok, now you know. Or maybe he's not that bad. It's like dating, sort of. If you think there's at least one side of you that's compatible with that person, or if you feel hanging out with that person is not that bad, then give it a shot.

Also, I don't know your situation but you're not alone. There's always people who would miss you and depend on you, sort of. In my case, I enjoy being alone but I hate feeling lonely. I suffer from mild depression but I know if something were to happen to me, people would be worried. So I often try to find something to cheer me up. A project, a goal, a friend, a dream, whatever. Just know that...it gets better. Life can't suck forever.

I look at society and people overall and it disgusts me. But then I remember the few good people I've met throughout my life and I feel better about people.

 

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