Motivation for uni failing

I just feel like saying fuck it all to everything there. Last term was such a disaster, so mishandled and cramped. Apparently, this has meant that the later part of the year is less hectic, but still, I'm genuinely dreading going back. I don't want to sound like a lazy student, but everything feels unreasonable. They want me to take risks with my projects (film course BTW), but if those risks don't pay off, I'm screwed, there's no allowance for things not being my fault.

Take documentary for example. I sent out emails for interviewees about a month and half ago now. Not a single, fucking, reply. Now I'll have to bend over backwards making bullshit explanations for a "poetic" documentary, something I don't even truly believe in.

Worst thing is, I warned them this might happen. That was my primary concern about documentary. That it requires the assistance of other people. People are shit unless you can give them something, and I can't.

I've also got an essay to do. I don't want to do it last minute, but every time I try to get working on it, everything from last term comes flooding back. It was truly nightmarish. I went to the verge of a complete breakdown, I stopped going out almost entirely...and then I get angry. I know who I'm doing this for, and I know why it's not easy. The only reason this isn't easy is their bullshit requirements regarding recognized sources and not being able to say a single thing for myself, not being able to think for myself. I start thinking "Why should I do this for them? They treat me like shit, many of them are fucking morons, why?"

I know I'm not entitled to that. It doesn't make a damn difference. I can't stand in front of an appeal board if they kick me out and say "I didn't do it because they were stupid". But still, I feel this way. I find myself saying I don't want to go back. Not just not now, but not ever. It feels like I'm going to fail anyway. I'm struggling with my own mental problems and barely have the time to try and take care of it. They said they'd have allowance for it, but how am I supposed to trust them? I can't trust anybody. Like I said, people are always shit unless you have something to give them.

I guess what I'm asking for is for someone to try and convince me it's all worth it. That I shouldn't just stop going, or stop really trying.

Doclector:

I guess what I'm asking for is for someone to try and convince me it's all worth it. That I shouldn't just stop going, or stop really trying.

Nobody else can do that, though. That's a decision you have to make. Do you want what you're going to get out of these classes? Is it important to you that you get through them? Do you really value this?

You may want to find a counselor or therapist to help you reason through this, but in the end nobody else can tell you if this is worth it or not.

Doclector:
I guess what I'm asking for is for someone to try and convince me it's all worth it. That I shouldn't just stop going, or stop really trying.

I reckon this in itself is a good enough reason to keep doing it. You're not asking us if we think it's worth it, you're telling us to tell you that it's worth it. You want to believe it is, you want to keep going, you're just finding it hard, is all.

I guess advice that can be given depends partially on what year you're in and how grades are weighted. In my first and second year - neither of which went towards my final grade, we merely had to pass each unit to progress - I often got thoughts that the course wasn't for me, I was rubbish, it was too hard and I was wasting my time. Now that I'm in final year, I'm on top of my work, I know what I'm doing, I'm confident in my abilities, aiming for a good grade and I'm actually having a lot of fun. (I'm doing illustration, incidentally.) So there's the whole 'it gets better' thing.

I don't want to sound like a lazy student, but everything feels unreasonable. They want me to take risks with my projects (film course BTW), but if those risks don't pay off, I'm screwed, there's no allowance for things not being my fault.

One of the reasons I felt so shitty about my course at first was a similar thing. I like to stick to what I know, I hate going outside of my comfort zone, I'm scared of failure (or was more so back then). And what's worse, this whole risk taking thing isn't just something they ask you to do at uni. In the creative industry, you're not going to get far if you don't push the boundaries of what you can do. And it's terrifying, but the fact of the matter is you have two options. 1. Take risks and either come out with something awesome or something shit. 2. Don't take risks and be almost guaranteed to come out with something bland and uninteresting, and you don't even get points for effort.
At least at uni level you get marks for experimentation and actually trying things out, so it's not like it's never going to pay off.

I actually learned to be a bit more fearless by taking an industry year out, applying for jobs and working with clients means you've really got to loosen up and bite the bullet sometimes. Which leads a bit onto this...

Take documentary for example. I sent out emails for interviewees about a month and half ago now. Not a single, fucking, reply. Now I'll have to bend over backwards making bullshit explanations for a "poetic" documentary, something I don't even truly believe in.

Worst thing is, I warned them this might happen. That was my primary concern about documentary. That it requires the assistance of other people. People are shit unless you can give them something, and I can't.

I don't know if you've ever applied for a job before, or indeed anything where you need people to do something for you for nothing, but 95% of the time, one email isn't going to cut it. You can't just send an email, not get a reply and go 'oh, well, I tried'. You have to email them again. Phone them. Visit their damn office and knock their door down if you have to (okay, nothing that's going to get security coming down on your arse, but still). You're going to find this is the case when you're hunting down clients for paid work in the future, you might as well start practising now. Perhaps you've left it a bit late for this project, but you know for next time. I don't know who you were contacting for interviews, but even the most busy people are sometimes willing to give up a few minutes of their time to help out a student, so long as you make it as easy for them as possible; video recordings via Skype, visiting them instead of making them come to you. Or if they're really not seeming like they're up for it, you can at least offer to buy them a coffee. People are often swayed by the smallest of gifts.

EDIT: It's also worth mentioning that it's not just about contacting clients, as someone working in film especially you're probably going to often find that you need the assistance of others - actors, voice actors, sound engineers, animators, set designers, these are all people that you may need to contact at some point or other to try to get to help you out (or, to put it a better way, collaborate with you), so you're probably going to have to learn to work with other people.

I've also got an essay to do. I don't want to do it last minute, but every time I try to get working on it, everything from last term comes flooding back. It was truly nightmarish. I went to the verge of a complete breakdown, I stopped going out almost entirely...and then I get angry. I know who I'm doing this for, and I know why it's not easy. The only reason this isn't easy is their bullshit requirements regarding recognized sources and not being able to say a single thing for myself, not being able to think for myself. I start thinking "Why should I do this for them? They treat me like shit, many of them are fucking morons, why?"

This last bit seems a bit cryptic. If you mean you're doing it for someone like your family, and not for yourself then yes, maybe you should be re-evaluating whether or not you should be at uni.
But if you mean you're doing it for your tutors, well, you're not, are you. You're doing it to get an academic qualification. And you know what, academia isn't really about your opinions and what you have to say. Unfortunately, as an undergraduate, they're not interested in your own words. They just want you to show that you can read other people's theories and understand them. That's largely what education is about; it's about you learning things, not about you expressing yourself.

You have your whole life to be able to write your own ideas down and be creative. That is not actually what university is for at this level of education. If you take a postgrad degree it may be a different story, but I take it this isn't what you're taking at the moment.

I know it's a little frustrating, but all I can say is, bite the bullet, read those recognised sources, process them and spit them back out onto the page. It's dull and not that rewarding, but you have to show that you can do it if they are to award you with an academic qualification, it's sort of the point of it.

Well, if people are as shit as you say, how do you think they are going to treat someone without an education?

And doesn't the university have some counselling? You're neither the first nor the last who've tired of studying well before it paid off, feeling that the requirements to crawl before one is allowed to walk go on for far too long. Yet crawl one must, to later stand tall. They can't really do anything about the actual challenges, but here it seems that getting rid of a defeatist attitude is more than half the battle. And if there are people being paid to service one in doing just that, they should be utilized.

Doclector:
I just feel like saying fuck it all to everything there. Last term was such a disaster, so mishandled and cramped. Apparently, this has meant that the later part of the year is less hectic, but still, I'm genuinely dreading going back. I don't want to sound like a lazy student, but everything feels unreasonable. They want me to take risks with my projects (film course BTW), but if those risks don't pay off, I'm screwed, there's no allowance for things not being my fault.

Take documentary for example. I sent out emails for interviewees about a month and half ago now. Not a single, fucking, reply. Now I'll have to bend over backwards making bullshit explanations for a "poetic" documentary, something I don't even truly believe in.

Worst thing is, I warned them this might happen. That was my primary concern about documentary. That it requires the assistance of other people. People are shit unless you can give them something, and I can't.

I've also got an essay to do. I don't want to do it last minute, but every time I try to get working on it, everything from last term comes flooding back. It was truly nightmarish. I went to the verge of a complete breakdown, I stopped going out almost entirely...and then I get angry. I know who I'm doing this for, and I know why it's not easy. The only reason this isn't easy is their bullshit requirements regarding recognized sources and not being able to say a single thing for myself, not being able to think for myself. I start thinking "Why should I do this for them? They treat me like shit, many of them are fucking morons, why?"

I know I'm not entitled to that. It doesn't make a damn difference. I can't stand in front of an appeal board if they kick me out and say "I didn't do it because they were stupid". But still, I feel this way. I find myself saying I don't want to go back. Not just not now, but not ever. It feels like I'm going to fail anyway. I'm struggling with my own mental problems and barely have the time to try and take care of it. They said they'd have allowance for it, but how am I supposed to trust them? I can't trust anybody. Like I said, people are always shit unless you have something to give them.

I guess what I'm asking for is for someone to try and convince me it's all worth it. That I shouldn't just stop going, or stop really trying.

But you do have something to give them my friend: schools don't like it when students drop out. it makes them look bad so they generally will do something for a student who shows they honestly care and want to do well. if you demonstrate that, you will be ok. I'm currently in grad school and I've been in your situation before. What you must realize is that school is a game and there are ways to play. You are in a rough spot, but not an impossible one.

What i would do in your place

1.)talk to your professor in their office, after class. Talk about the project and tell them you are having a hard time keeping it together mentally. even if they don't do anything (or there is something you aren't telling us that would make your prof have 0 mercy), it can't help to try.

2.) talk to your academic adviser. They may be able to pull some strings to help you out. Students have trouble all the time and there is a good chance you are not the first person to have these issues. they may be able to plan out your classes differently to allow you some more sanity. once again, tell them you have having issues keeping your mind right during with your current load.

a trip to the school pysch may also be helpful. they just want to see you in decent mental health and aren't going to glower at you over late assignments.

I hope this helps you a little bit.

All I know is that all the people I know that dropped out of university seem to have a tough time compared to the ones that stuck it through.
When you get a job, you will probably come across times when you think it is all not worth it. But you wont have a choice to quit as easily as it is to quit school.
So, i just think you should learn to bare through low motivation spells.

If you need other people to motivate you, you're not going to make it. Do something that you ARE motivated for instead.

Yikes, you have two choices.

1) Suck it up, stick it out, get something presentable done, make deadlines, call people every day until they make those deadlines, threaten them with violence if they do not do what you need them too, get everything done, then collapse into a heap of caffine-induced burn-out that will require three months of staring at at wall to get rid of.

2) Quit, go home, lie on the couch, watch TV and eat sugar encrusted food. If your parents yell at you, stare at them with a vacant expression and drool a little, the yelling will stop soon after that. Spend months staring at a wall. Feel better, take the lessons on board, and start again next year. Or, do something else.

Both options pretty much result with you sitting on a couch and drooling while your mum hand feeds you cereal. That is University for you.

To be honest it sounds like you expected different things from the course you applied to...meh, it happens to us all, believe me. I have seen people stick it out, I have seen people drop it all and move onto other things. I do not know which option is best, but each one comes with consequences, both good and bad, that you will have to live with.

To be honest it sounds like being an apprentice/temp in the media world would be closer to what you want than in academia. These days in a lot of fields your education is mostly irrelevant and with so few graduate jobs available, unless you have a top degree from a top University, you end up starting at the bottom anyway.

Stick at it, drop out....either way it is not the end of the world

You picked a major, expecting one thing and getting another. It happens to pretty much every one. Have you considered that it's maybe just the program of study you dislike? A lot of schools have programs for students struggling to pick a major. I would highly recommend dropping film (since it sounds to me like you hate it) and taking a semester to explore different options.

 

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