A reoccuring problem in love

I'm a 22 yearold male who has Asperger's Syndrome (not sure if that's relevent, we'll see) and I always seem to bump into one particular problem when it comes to actually loving someone. I. Just. Can't. Stop. Talking.

The first girl I ever loved hates me with a fiery passion for the unending amount of time for which I could talk to her, our last conversation on Facebook lasting somewhere within the region of a solid 7 hours.

Now I'm with someone I genuinely love right now and I don't think I've gone a day without sending them a text, Facebook message or trying to talk to them in real life and now they're just burned out right now and don't know what to say to me and well, I'm just wondering how on Earth I salvage the situation beyond what I've done right now. I've told this lovely person (no sarcasm) that I shall be leaving them free of my interactions for a solid 2 weeks, no bother from me but I'm not sure how to regulate my behaviour so I can respect their space.

I am not sure how to moderate myself. Any suggestions, guys and girls?

I seem to have a reoccuring problem where I have to post a second time on my own thread before it'll show up. Gotta love that.

I sort of feel like the best way to deal with the problem is to face it head-on. Just tell her that you have a problem with talking too much, and assure her that you won't be offended if it she wants to ask you to stop, or that she needs space (and don't be offended when she exercises these rights). It is perfectly normal, and quite healthy, in relationships to set up boundaries. The fact that you realize you talk a lot is a very good thing, even if you can't do much about it. So the best thing you can do for both you and her is to just lay it out on the table so you both know where you stand and so that you can decide together where the boundary should fall.

And trust me, her knowing that you are aware of how much you talk will make things a lot more comfortable for her. Good luck :3

Booze Zombie:
I seem to have a reoccuring problem where I have to post a second time on my own thread before it'll show up. Gotta love that.

Don't bump your own threads, it always takes a while for them to show up.

OT: Pretty much what Lilani says, explain your problem. Maybe tell her to tell you when you're going overboard.

I have a similar problem in that I always "need" to have the last work in a (chat) conversation, so I keep replying to people until they stop replying to me, so that might also work for you.

Do you talk so much because you are afraid of silences?
Do you talk so much because you want to keep your partner "where you can see them", in a sense?
Are you afraid to losing your partner?

Perhaps some questions to think about.

On a note: I've met people with Asperger's syndrome that talk a lot aswell. I may have something to do with that, but as long as you are aware, you can change whatever you want about yourself.

Lilani:
Quotey stuff

I do quite admire the direct approach and it sounds like it'll be healthy to get everything out on the table, as you say.

Eleuthera:
Quotey stuff

Yeah, I normally try to stoke the conversation back up at that point, I should let them lay a bit more.

SimpleThunda':
Quotey stuff

I am an insecure individual who becomes easily obsessed, it's not something I am proud of but it's there and it's my reality for now but I hope to change it.

I am afraid of losing her, because I view myself as being so terrible. I clearly must change my mental outlook or I will manifest my own fears through my behaviour resulting from them.

Booze Zombie:

Lilani:
Quotey stuff

I do quite admire the direct approach and it sounds like it'll be healthy to get everything out on the table, as you say.

Eleuthera:
Quotey stuff

Yeah, I normally try to stoke the conversation back up at that point, I should let them lay a bit more.

SimpleThunda':
Quotey stuff

I am an insecure individual who becomes easily obsessed, it's not something I am proud of but it's there and it's my reality for now but I hope to change it.

I am afraid of losing her, because I view myself as being so terrible. I clearly must change my mental outlook or I will manifest my own fears through my behaviour resulting from them.

A healthy amount of self-esteem is very important in any relationship. You should work on that.
It's hard to give you any tips on how to get more self-esteem. It's a something only you can realize.
I know working out gave me a boost in self-esteem, years ago when I started.
But it can be as simple as getting a new haircut or watching a movie.

I watched 'The Hobbit' a couple weeks back, and that dwarven prince Thorin somehow inspired me. A huge burst of confidence came out of that inspiration. That's just an example.

Just know that the power to be as confident as you want to be, is all inside you. You're not "an insecure person", you're a self-confident person that's not yet found him or herself.

You've been with women. You're with a woman now. If she so happens to leave you, or you leave her, there'll be more women out there. A fear of losing what you love is normal, to an extent, but it shouldn't rule your thoughts or life.

SimpleThunda':
A healthy amount of self-esteem is very important in any relationship. You should work on that.
It's hard to give you any tips on how to get more self-esteem. It's a something only you can realize.
I know working out gave me a boost in self-esteem, years ago when I started.
But it can be as simple as getting a new haircut or watching a movie.

I watched 'The Hobbit' a couple weeks back, and that dwarven prince Thorin somehow inspired me. A huge burst of confidence came out of that inspiration. That's just an example.

Just know that the power to be as confident as you want to be, is all inside you. You're not "an insecure person", you're a self-confident person that's not yet found him or herself.

You've been with women. You're with a woman now. If she so happens to leave you, or you leave her, there'll be more women out there. A fear of losing what you love is normal, to an extent, but it shouldn't rule your thoughts or life.

Thank you, that is all very helpful input for me. I've been delaying working out, getting a job, basically, respecting myself for a very long time and I understand the movie thing fully. I watched Scott Pilgrim vs The World and wept with joy once it finished, tihnking to myself it was wonderful that such a character could change so drastically. That probably sounds a bit dramatic, now that I think about it... ha, ha!

Thinking I'm insecure is part of the problem, yeah. Look at who you really are and stop labeling yourself... I guess it really is that simple! And I do hope she doesn't leave, I haven't felt about anyone like this before but you're right, I shouldn't dominate my thoughts with the fear, that's not productive at all.

Thank you for your comments, they have helped me.

 

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