Advise on Dating Someone Who Can't Speak Your Language.

Okay so a lovely gal just arrived at my school a couple weeks back and she's been at the forefront of my mind. I recently conquered some really bad self-esteem issues and figured as part of my self re-imagining I figured I'd take my new confidence by flirting with this gal but the problem is that she's French, she can barely speak English and I can barely speak French. I can a bit, I called her beautiful (in French) and she didn't seem to repulsed by me so I've made a point of trying to flirt with her some more but I'm not entirely sure how well that would go or even if it's appropriate. So if anyone could give me advice? Tell me if it's appropriate or not? Or if it's even morally okay?

Okay, well thanks for the advice...

I don't see how it's inherently morally wrong,
Is she an exchange student or something? Because her only being here for a short time would change things.
Apart from that I don't see how you not really understanding each other is a crime, it would make a serious relationship difficult, but for a more casual hookup it could be an advantage (it's esier not to say the wrong thing when she doesn't understand you said it).

The only words you need to understand are "yes" and "no", the rest will come from body language.

If she is single and willing there is nothing stopping you.

Note: If she is only in the country for a short amount of time, she may be interested in exactly what you can offer, I know more than one normally shy girl that would hookup on holiday or an exchange because you don't have the pressure your social group.

Conclusion: Go go go.

MrCollins:
-snip-

First of all, I love pride and prejudice as much as the next girl...but Mr. Collins? Why would you choose to make an account named after him?

Anyway, on topic, I don't think it's morally wrong by any means...I'm just wondering what sort of a relationship you're after. Not to judge you, mind, just to better understand your situation. If you're wanting a serious relationship then it will require a lot of work from both you and her, and it will take a lot more time to build that sort of a relationship. If you're wanting just a bit of a fling then things will be easier.

Either way I think more flirting wouldn't be inappropriate. Since neither of you understand much of each other yet something intimate like a dinner would probably be very awkward for the two of you, but you could try to make a point of hanging out with her friends or inviting her along to hang out with you and yours (the goal of which would be to have at least one among the group who can help translate for you). Though I am sort of assuming there that you do know someone who knows enough French and English to translate, lol.

I say keep testing the waters, but watch her body language very closely. If she tries to put distance between you and her or tries to keep herself busy with other things to avoid you, then that might be a sign to back off. Body language is a pretty universal language. Nothing says "Please stop flirting with me" like a girl who is doing her damnedest to not pay attention to you (if only more guys realized that...)

Lilani:

MrCollins:
-snip-

First of all, I love pride and prejudice as much as the next girl...but Mr. Collins? Why would you choose to make an account named after him?

Oh, yeah, that. It basically started when the English teacher I had when I was 13 and studying Pride and Prejudice decided I was exactly like the character. She was a really cool teacher, but thought I had that mix of obsequiousness and malice. It didn't help that I like using pointlessly long words and have a rather posh accent. She therefore decided to call me "Collins" for the next 2 years. That was also the time I had to pick a username for the internet, and voila!

OT I can speak English and French if you want me to VERY SLOWLY translate for you via forum.

MrCollins:

Lilani:

MrCollins:
-snip-

First of all, I love pride and prejudice as much as the next girl...but Mr. Collins? Why would you choose to make an account named after him?

Oh, yeah, that. It basically started when the English teacher I had when I was 13 and studying Pride and Prejudice decided I was exactly like the character. She was a really cool teacher, but thought I had that mix of obsequiousness and malice. It didn't help that I like using pointlessly long words and have a rather posh accent. She therefore decided to call me "Collins" for the next 2 years. That was also the time I had to pick a username for the internet, and voila!

OT I can speak English and French if you want me to VERY SLOWLY translate for you via forum.

Malice? I wouldn't say Mr. Collins has much malice in him. Yes he's tedious, odious, transparent, thick, and completely tactless, but I wouldn't say he has much malice in him. Well maybe he did a bit after Lizzie dumped him, I remember in some of the letters he wrote after he got together with Charlotte were full of lines that may as well have read "Hey Lizzie, who has two thumbs and married your best friend? ME!" But in the end Lizzie got married to the man of her dreams, and he never was able to get his head out of his ass.

Anyway, that's enough English Lit talk for one thread that's definitely not about English Lit ;-)

Lilani:
*snip*

Kay, thanks. Um... Honestly in terms of what kind of relationship I want... Well, I have no freaking clue considering this is the first time I've ever really had feelings for a gal let alone acted on 'em. So... Yeah. I'm pretty lost, this isn't exactly a strong skill of mine. Although she didn't seem particularly cold to me, but our flirtatious exchange didn't last long before I was whisked away.

Although one thing that has been getting at me is that she is absolutely gorgeous and several guys, some of whom I am decent mates with, have taken to standing around staring at her. Not sure if she's noticed but... Erm... Well, i'm slightly worried she may think I am shallow or something and... Yeah, like I say, not good at this...

How is it inappropriate or morally questionable? She speaks a different language, it's not like she's incapable of making her own decisions.

Indecipherable:
How is it inappropriate or morally questionable? She speaks a different language, it's not like she's incapable of making her own decisions.

Well... Um... I don't know? My Brometheans whom I usually ask about this shit both thought it was a questionable, so I asked the internet. Although while it's questionable that the opinions of 2 teenagers who are more socially inept than the guy who once talked about lesbians in a speech I'm pretty sure I trust what's her face, you and the other guy who posted here more... So it's not morally questionable... Which is good, thank you.

My advice would be to simply not bother unless she's willing on learning your language or you're willing on learning her's.

A relationship without understandable communication is hardly a relationship at all.

Best advice I can give is
A) Go for it man, whats the worst that could happen? I don't think I've seen any one smitten by a lightning bolt for being smitten with a foreigner.
B) Take a crash course in French, communication blocks are never a good thing in any relationship, and who knows, learning her language might be something she finds romantic, or at least comforting.
And good luck man.

 

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