Same problems as a lot of people, haven't got a way to fix it.

I could write a huge rant about all the different "problems" in my life, mental or otherwise, and there are plenty. But the details of why I am depressed are irrelevant, I have been depressed quite severely for a few years now, been close to suicide a couple of times. But I've realised that the reason I haven't been getting better isn't because things in my life are getting worse, it's because whether I am aware of it or not I am continuously sabotaging myself at every turn, analysing myself in endless circles, making false revelations to try and convince myself that there is some excuse or answer to my problems.
What do I do when a part of me doesn't want me to get better even though I know that there isn't any good reason for me doing so.

Any advice from someone who has gotten through something like this would help, family and friends have failed me so far.

Posts got merged, ignore this.

My mother went through exactly what you describe mentally. If you can, see a psychiatrist or consultant. The problem could well be chemical no matter how real it all seems, some of these problems may seem larger than they are. The power of the human minds interpretation of our circumstances can come to determine our whole existence, I know you must think I am hand waving the whole thing and saying it isn't real but I understand how trapped you must feel. Mental problems are just as real as physical ones.

As for the non-psychological problems with your life if it is physical suffering from your body, let it play out and use its unrelenting blows to fashion yourself into the person you wish to be. Then once it starts to become colorless or dangerous pain see a doctor and get it cured if possible. I know that from experience, what doesn't kill you often makes you stronger, and once you come out the other end of this dark tunnel you will be forever thankful, you will never fall prey to avarice and find joy where nobody else does. Throughout all my teenage life I lived in abject suffering but if you get through it the prize is an improved yourself. Not in some bulls**t spiritual way but mentally.

Blimey I am starting to sound like a dumb poet or preacher, nevertheless see a consultants about it. Seeing a doctor or specialist about it saved me from a fate worse than death, and my mother from her own warped mind.

I might not have the best advice, as I am exactly the same as you here (so I'll just be a hypocrite). You need to get motivated to do things. Find some kind of creative hobby to learn, and try and get out more socially. I found that the only times I've ever forgotten these feelings are when I've (usually by chance, not through any real effort) had a very active social life. Feeling lonely gives you time to think and you end up self-analysing and feeling all crap and that. I've always found that playing music is a helpful way to let out or forget about it all, for a short while.

I know getting motivated to do this stuff is hard (here's me being a hypocrite), but there's really no substitute. There's no epiphany you can have or that we can tell you to make it better, you need to find the willpower to go out and do this stuff.

There's plenty of power within every single one of us. You just need to find it.
The question is "How?", and that, quite frankly, is not an easy question to answer.

I found mine when I found my passion, guitar/voice/music.
I found mine when I found my confidence, sports/health/mental epiphany.

Are you confident? Do you have a passion?

Those two things are what got me out of my depression.

The Clown:

I suspect that it might behoove you to give one of these nice folks a call.

The simple fact that you're posting online is both a good and a bad sign I think. On the bad side, it sounds as if you're approaching a dangerous precipice, while on the good side, you're looking for information. And on that note, while I myself am not completely out 'to the other side' as you call it, I can safely say that yes, I am still here. And isn't that just the perfect metaphor for the big 'D' word, a tunnel. That means there's light on the other side, and while the distance to the end may vary, there is still a light regardless.

/insane rant

The Clown:
snip
(Sorry, reposted this because I thought the first one didn't go through, please delete/ignore the first topic)

I merged them instead, since both had some replies.

I'd have to say I'm going through this right now, and honestly can't think of a way to stop it, which is driving me insane.

The only times I feel good are when people are around me and showing me appreciation. Which kind of sounds selfish I guess? But not in a "OH CAM, YOU'RE SO GODLY," but like, today for instance, some guy told me he wanted to have lunch with me and just hang out. It was nice, because I felt like I had someone to back me. I guess find people to support you? I don't really know and geez I wish I did. And I hate sounding so mopey and complainy but I never know what to do.

 

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