Am I missing something

I'll do my best to keep this short and try to offer both sides of the story.

I'm engaged to my partner of two years and the road to here has been bumpy but we've always done our best to keep each other happy. I'm Welsh, she's Czech and we live in the Czech Republic. I speak Czech well enough to have a broken conversation in a pub, her English is fine but not perfect.

Over time I have changed parts of myself that she wasn't happy with. Superficial things, like I gave up gaming, I stopped watching films, I tried to go out with her friends and have a good time despite the big language barrier, I stopped drinking coffee, things like that.

She doesn't go out and get drunk every night anymore, she's given up smoking and sadly she's stopped seeing her friends as often, but they're all drinking friends more than anything else.

Being with me has been hard for her at times for many reasons. In some situations, due to the language barrier, I'm like a child, because I don't understand how something works or I simply cannot express what I need to express, so there have been times where she's had to help me in offices, in banks, at the doctors etc. That isn't really a problem anymore as I do these things on my own now.

The problem I have though, is that she keeps finding something new she wants to change. She wanted us to do more things together outside of the house: Fair enough, I made a four month plan of things to do and we've also started a 101 things in 1001 days list. She thinks it's sad that we have to write things down instead of just do them... Maybe that's fair, but when we don't have it written down we don't do things.

She wants me to stop using the computer, even though my job revolves heavily around the computer, I'm a teacher, all my homework, lesson plans, evaluations, etc are here and this work takes a lot of time. I do my best to not be on the computer when she's at home, but sometimes do work when she's in the bath or something... she's not ok with this.

I'm worse than I should be at cleaning things around the house. I do, do things but I normally work before and many times she comes home, I haven't done them yet, she gets pissed off and does them.... I can work on that.

My point is though, that no matter what I do I can't seem to make her happy, and when I do give her what she wants... Which I always do, it either isn't good enough or she decides she doesn't want it anymore.

Should I tell her she's being unreasonable, am I missing something, should I just suck it up, or do you have other advice.

I don't really know why I'm asking a gaming site for help. Keep comments clean please, I love this woman and she is a wonderful person, just a little bit unreasonable at times and I probably should have mentioned that she hates her job.

People sometimes have a tendency to joke without offering any advice on these forums as well, if you can resist that urge, I would appreciate it.

Capcha: be mine :-S

Tell her how you feel about it. Straight up. You should never doubt to be truthful to the one you love.

Personally, I think it's fine to expect certain things from your partner, small changes can be made to ensure that both sides are happy. The way you put it though, it seems like she's taken more than you were willing to give and that it's making you doubtful of yourself. That's bad.

It could have many reasons. She, for example, could be dominant like this because she's afraid to lose you. However, I don't know enough about her to say any sort of thing like that.

It's not much, but I hope it helps.

SimpleThunda':
Snip

I knew, of course, that telling her is the best course of action, but i'm more interested as to whether I'm right or wrong basically.

I'm in agreement with you that wanting to change things is normal. I'm not a stranger to, nor am I afraid of compromise, but there's a limit surely.

Thanks for the advice.

Beldaros:

SimpleThunda':
Snip

I knew, of course, that telling her is the best course of action, but i'm more interested as to whether I'm right or wrong basically.

I'm in agreement with you that wanting to change things is normal. I'm not a stranger to, nor am I afraid of compromise, but there's a limit surely.

Thanks for the advice.

Indeed, there's a limit. You're the one to point out where that limit is, though. It's different for everyone.
It's not about being right or wrong, it's about you having a problem within your relationship. If you don't feel comfortable with what's happening, you need to tell her.

My line would've been crossed long before the point where you have arrived now.

There was a cartoon on reddit awhile back that Im reminded of; this girl starts to date a guy but over the course of the strip gets him to shave his beard, smarten his appearance, cut his hair etc before leaving him in the final panel saying, "You arent the man I fell in love with anymore".

The computer issue however sounds more linked to the house chores. From her perspective, she just sees you sitting on the computer all day and not doing any housework and for a lot of people it can be hard to grasp that you're actually working. Might be an idea just for a few weeks to really blitz the chores before you start any work on the computer then see if her mood improves.

Fasckira:
snip

It's funny you should say that about the chores, I've spent pretty much the last three hours cleaning the flat. Then I did some work... and now I'm wasting time. I understand that from her perspective she only sees me on the computer, but at the same time I have a lot of things that need to be done... I'm going to work on changing the order.

Thanks.

 

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