How to get over a girl.

So two years ago I developed a crush for this girl while in middle school. I asked her out, but her parents wouldn't let her date till she was 16, so I decided to wait for her. I kept in contact and achieved a relationship status that she would call "friends with benefits" (there wasn't any actual benefits to it sexual or otherwise). During those two years of being a "friend with(out) benefits" I completely fell in love with her. When it was finally her 16th birthday I asked her out again and she said yes. A month later she broke up with me suddenly before we could even spend time together as an official couple.

Its been months since this happened and I still can't seem to get over her. Its caused a great deal of stress for me, and I'm currently in a bit of a depression. I'm at a loss as to what I should do, so I'd really appreciate any advice on this matter.

philosophicalbastard:
Its been months since this happened and I still can't seem to get over her.

Only months? That's not much time to get over a two year crush with that many disappointments, especially if it was your first love. Mostly I'd say you just need more time.

But as a 23 year old who's had my fair share of rejection, I guess I've learned a couple of good habits that maybe you can try and practice:

1. Don't hold on to hope. She's dipped her toe in the water and decided she didn't like the temperature. Whatever reason it is that she broke up with you, she had a reason, and as far as you're concerned she's not going to change her mind about it any time soon. So this means, no fantasising about the two of you ending up together, no thinking of her as 'that special someone'. It can be hard because these thoughts are comforting and it doesn't seem like there's much harm in it, but indulging in your love for someone who doesn't love you back is going to make it really hard to get over it.

2. Stay away from her. I don't mean avoid her at all costs, obviously, but no hanging out with her alone. Block her from online chat things like msn or Facebook chat, don't engage in lengthy phone or text messaging sessions with her. If you maintain a close friendship with her you will feel like you need her, emotionally, socially. You need to remember that you are a fully functioning human being without her, with your own life and your own future, one that doesn't involve her.

Stay strong, man. Remember to live for yourself, not for someone else. Really, that should be the case whether they love you back or not.

lisadagz:

philosophicalbastard:
Its been months since this happened and I still can't seem to get over her.

1. Don't hold on to hope. She's dipped her toe in the water and decided she didn't like the temperature. Whatever reason it is that she broke up with you, she had a reason, and as far as you're concerned she's not going to change her mind about it any time soon. So this means, no fantasising about the two of you ending up together, no thinking of her as 'that special someone'. It can be hard because these thoughts are comforting and it doesn't seem like there's much harm in it, but indulging in your love for someone who doesn't love you back is going to make it really hard to get over it.

2. Stay away from her. I don't mean avoid her at all costs, obviously, but no hanging out with her alone. Block her from online chat things like msn or Facebook chat, don't engage in lengthy phone or text messaging sessions with her. If you maintain a close friendship with her you will feel like you need her, emotionally, socially. You need to remember that you are a fully functioning human being without her, with your own life and your own future, one that doesn't involve her.

Stay strong, man. Remember to live for yourself, not for someone else. Really, that should be the case whether they love you back or not.

I actually decided to take those two steps on my own recently, but its good to know that was the right move. I might have done the first one a lot sooner if she hadn't offered to possibly take me back sometime in the future, a hope that was, thankfully, completely shattered in my mind when she mentioned breaking up with some other guy.

Staying away from her has been a bit hard, since she was the only person I had consistent contact with for a while and there aren't any people I can talk to outside my family.

Thanks for the help dude.

Well you could try a Bridge...

Get it? Get OVER a girl? A Bridge? HA! I don't care if you don't like it I think it's fucking halirious.

But yeah what that one guy said. Try to spend as little time with her as possible, also if you don't already have any get a hobby or something, maybe focus on work or School. Just keep your mind off her and eventually you'll forget about her.

Don't give yourself months, like people are suggesting. That'll only get you stuck depressive spiral.

Being dumped for the first time hurts. Everyone goes through it once in their life and take this as a lesson more than anything.

Furthermore, don't start doubting yourself because of this. Women come and go. You're young (I assume), so you have plenty of opportunities laying ahead of you. If you are already doubting yourself, go do things that empower you. I don't know. Work out, get a new haircut, stuff to get your self-esteem back up.

WHATEVER YOU DO, -DON'T- try and stay friends with her. She leads you on for two years and then dumps you after a month. She doesn't deserve to be your friend.

If you want to maintain your feeling of self worth, you never look back and just ignore her from now on (If you haven't already). She's obviously used you and is still using you.

Learn from your first meeting with reality, because life'll get way harder than forgetting about a woman you love(d).

Start a nasty rumour that you really dumped her because she had some type of venerial disease. Retort to any questioning with how you let her say she dumped you to save her repuation before her peers.

That's how you do things in high school, right?

Forget her and move on.

Easy for me to say, but those really are the two steps to take. Forget her, cut her out of your life, don't keep her "as a friend" or to "see if you can rekindle things later" or whatever. Then, start dating other girls. You'll see that Girl A actually isn't so special or unique or worthy of worship when you're comparing her to fond memories of Girl B, C, D and so on.

Find a hobby and join a club to do with it and make some friends :) For me it's board games, stuff like Arkham Horror, Game of Thrones and Battlestar Galactica, they're good fun and a great way to socially spend a day and it will keep you focused on other things. But whether it be sports, board games or an acting club or something, just generate something new to focus on.

It's how I got past something similar and met my current girlfriend of almost three years now :)

I hope that helps some,

1: Avoid any and all contact. Remove any way of contacting her (msn, skype, facebook, twitter, phone number, you name it)
2: Give up the hope that you might get back together again in the future. This one is pretty hard to do especially when you've had a crush for such a long time. But as long as you keep on having that thought of maybe getting back together, you won't get over her.
3: Give it some more time. It took me half a year or even longer to get over my first girlfriend. I dated her for 4 months before she broke up after a fight. So 'a few months' isn't that long yet for a 2 year crush and a 1 month couple I'd say.

philosophicalbastard:
Its been months since this happened and I still can't seem to get over her.

Took me 2 years and a depression once, so thats all still good.
My advice to you would be to find something that can completely take your mind off it. be it gaming or w/e of your choice in life, as long as you forget her while doing it. In time, you will learn to accept her disappearance. And no jumping for other girls will definitely NOT help.

delete ALL contact with her, start hanging with your mates doing "guys only" stuff for the first few weeks, because the more you get reminded of women/dating, the more you'll just keep thinking of your ex. For some people, it can take weeks or days to get over, for some it can take years. I suffer depression and one person it took me close to 3 years not just to move on from him, but to not be dependant of a relationship and the mess it causes.

Also, very important since I just went through this exact same thing today: If she ever tries to come back in your life, whether its through a call saying she misses you or any kind of action that gives you a sliver of hope for a decent second chance, think very deeply about whether or not you want to go through with this (in my opinion, never let her back in, ever).

I'm just putting this up here because I went for that second chance a short while ago and long story short, I'm busy picking up whatever the hell is left of my heart at the moment.

I am not trying to downplay your emotions by saying this. But, I'm pretty sure most of us, including myself, have faced some sort of rejection at one time.

It sucks. Especially when you really tried. I won't go into the nitty gritty details. I know how you're feeling. It blows. You think about it all day, every day. It's in everything you do.

Block her. Not to be mean to her, unless that's how you get over things. Hey, people are different, I suppose. But, block her for your sake. Don't talk to her. Just try and focus on you. You functioned just fine without her. You can do it again.

I got left by the guy I utterly adored. He left me after two years. I thought this was it. I finally endured enough and this was finally what I had been waiting for. I find out he cheated on me repeatedly. Got a girl pregnant and was cheating on me with an entirely different girl (not the one he got pregnant).

Hardest thing I ever said was for him to never speak to me again. I haven't heard from him since. I went no contact. Blocked him. Deleted him. Kicked him out. Removed him from my life. I didn't want to. No way. I had hope. But, I knew it was worthless and would only keep hurting me the more I held on. I had to let it go.

I guess what I'm saying is don't let it consume you. Learn from it. It hurts. I know it does. It does get better. You just gotta fight those feelings. Don't let her come back. She shut that door. You keep it closed for your sake.

I find that sometimes turning depression into anger can help, because anger is quicker to go away. Think about all the things that make her suck, if for no other reason that she won't be with you. Associate her with everything negative, and pretty soon you won't want to think about her, and you can get her out of your head.

 

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