Telling the girlfriend about my fetishes...

Now, I have my set of fetishes and all, but I'd like to tell it to my girlfriend so she doesn't look at me crazy whenever I stare at... Yeah.

Lately, I've been looking at her rather strangely. Normally, I don't pay attention to what she wears and such, but as of late I've been *ahem* turned on by all that. I start feeling very hot and all the usual signs of being flustered around her. Recently though, I stare. Rather rudely, guessing from her reaction. She's a little more than puzzled by this and we usually dismiss this as my Y chromosome acting up. I'm starting to fantasize it seems, and I'd like to break it to her before I start acting all pervy and such.

So, ye humble Escapists! What should I do here?

Are you sure you're having a fetish overload? is it generally what she wears? if so you could always try experimenting "roleplaying" sex (assuming you two are getting it on)

if it's the more... fetish "fetishes", like feet, certain cat clothing and beyond, I'd SLOWLY ask her what she thinks of it. Last thing you want to do is force something on her.

Just tell her, calmly and collected. Sex is such an important component in a relationship that it ought to be freely discussed.

However, during sex is not the right moment.

Captcha: 'chin boy'. Oh dear...

you neglected to mention what it is that is turning you on. assuming she isn't wearing a giant chicken costume or clown gear for work odds are you could just casually mention "that mini skirt you are wearing really turns me on"

thesilentman:
Now, I have my set of fetishes and all, but I'd like to tell it to my girlfriend so she doesn't look at me crazy whenever I stare at... Yeah.
So, ye humble Escapists! What should I do here?

... is this about anal sex? I was trying to think of something she could wear that might affect a fetish. Or maybe shoes - foot fetish is fairly common. Although then you'd be staring at her shoes, which doesn't seem to be the case.

Yeah, can you give us more info here? How to tell her is different depending on the fetish. For example:

"I want to suck your toes" is a fairly "standard" fetish and may well turn her on, or at least not bother her.

"I want you to keep your glasses on during sex" is also fairly "standard".

I'm honestly having trouble thinking of other fetishes that could be accidentally activated by everyday clothes.

So yeah, more info please.

I don't understand why you can't just tell your girlfriend that "that thing you're wearing is really turning me on".
It would probably help if you told us what kind of fetish you're talking about.

Because the way you've presented the case in the OP, it just sounds like you're being turned on by your girlfriend.
Being turned on by your girlfriend is not a bad thing.

Is this gonna be a troll thread? 'Cause this could be a great troll thread.

Anyways, it's hard to answer since you basically gave no info on what level of fetish we are talking about. If it's just a preference, then come out with it. If it's something fetishy, think about what kind of person your girlfriend is, how reasonable your fetish is and what's the risk reward- ratio.

'Cause I knew a guy who told his girl he wants to crossdress, and the girl bursted laughing at his face which ended up destroying their relationship and his self-esteem.

...so it doesn't always end well :D

OniaPL:
Is this gonna be a troll thread? 'Cause this could be a great troll thread.

Anyways, it's hard to answer since you basically gave no info on what level of fetish we are talking about. If it's just a preference, then come out with it. If it's something fetishy, think about what kind of person your girlfriend is, how reasonable your fetish is and what's the risk reward- ratio.

'Cause I knew a guy who told his girl he wants to crossdress, and the girl bursted laughing at his face which ended up destroying their relationship and his self-esteem.

...so it doesn't always end well :D

As for the thread trolling, not at all. There's a reason that this is in the Advice forum and not off-topic. And the end of your post details exactly why I'm not interested in having this happen.

lechat:
you neglected to mention what it is that is turning you on. assuming she isn't wearing a giant chicken costume or clown gear for work odds are you could just casually mention "that mini skirt you are wearing really turns me on"

Bara_no_Hime:

thesilentman:
Now, I have my set of fetishes and all, but I'd like to tell it to my girlfriend so she doesn't look at me crazy whenever I stare at... Yeah.
So, ye humble Escapists! What should I do here?

... is this about anal sex? I was trying to think of something she could wear that might affect a fetish. Or maybe shoes - foot fetish is fairly common. Although then you'd be staring at her shoes, which doesn't seem to be the case.

Yeah, can you give us more info here? How to tell her is different depending on the fetish. For example:

"I want to suck your toes" is a fairly "standard" fetish and may well turn her on, or at least not bother her.

"I want you to keep your glasses on during sex" is also fairly "standard".

I'm honestly having trouble thinking of other fetishes that could be accidentally activated by everyday clothes.

So yeah, more info please.

Ziadaine:
Are you sure you're having a fetish overload? is it generally what she wears? if so you could always try experimenting "roleplaying" sex (assuming you two are getting it on)

if it's the more... fetish "fetishes", like feet, certain cat clothing and beyond, I'd SLOWLY ask her what she thinks of it. Last thing you want to do is force something on her.

The fetishes I'm thinking or start at the S&M end of BDSM and gets wonkier from there. You guys can infer the rest and that's exactly why I'm a little apprehensive about telling her. :-/

bdsm isn't my kinda thing but i have noticed alot of my girlfriends were up for it. provided your fetish includes ropes and feathers and not chainsaws and barbed wire i'd say you have a pretty good chance of her giving you the thumbs up

lechat:
bdsm isn't my kinda thing but i have noticed alot of my girlfriends were up for it. provided your fetish includes ropes and feathers and not chainsaws and barbed wire i'd say you have a pretty good chance of her giving you the thumbs up

I actually don't know about that. Even if your girlfriends were up for it, there are a lot more that will usually be slightly offput by the idea of you wanting to tie them up and fuck 'em.
In the end it always depends on the person though. Some are into different things, some are not, and some are more open about trying new things if it helps their partner.

thesilentman:

The fetishes I'm thinking or start at the S&M end of BDSM and gets wonkier from there. You guys can infer the rest and that's exactly why I'm a little apprehensive about telling her. :-/

The troll- thing was supposed to be a minor joke. To lighten' up the mood, you know?
...Guess it didn't work.

Anyways, I'd personally think that you can't get any real advice from us since none of us know your girlfriend, and that's what it depends on.
Also, if you decide to go for it, remember to be more like
"Hey, baby. I've been thinking that I'd like to try some new stuff. It's okay if you don't end up liking it, and we can stop if you get uncomfortable etc."
and not like
"Bitch get over here, I'ma whip yo ass"

Because if she doesn't end up enjoying it, or gets uncomfortable by it, you really can't ask her to do it unless she wants to do it herself. If that's a dealbreaker for you, then there's nothing that can be done about it.

Also, read some advice from people into BDSM on how they tried to introduce their partners to it.

Hey, lots of people are into S&M.
Unless your girlfriend is of the prudish kind, there's a good chance she'd be willing to give it a try. Particularly if she's read Fifty shades of gray and found it exciting.

I'm assuming the S&M you're talking about is only light bondage and mild pain.
Innocent stuff like being blindfolded can be a turn-on for people who wouldn't normally call themselves masochists even, so there's actually a reasonable chance your girlfriend might be willing to try stuff out.

Granted, you're pretty young, so she might not feel secure and comfortable enough in regards to sexuality to be trying out wonky things and experimenting.
But that's up to the two of you to gauge out.

If I were you, I'd start out on the titilation end of the spectrum.
"Would it turn you on to wear a blindfold?"
Lots of girls like the feeling of being slightly powerless in regards to sex, but you don't have to take that angle when proposing the blindfold idea: You could tell her about how being blindfolded amplifies every touch since you can't concentrate on anything else. And as long as you aren't tied up as well, being blindfolded isn't very scary.

I agree that you should find some BDSM forum and ask for advice in regards to breaking it to your partner.

I've been in a similar boat to you, OP, and in my honest opinion, this is the kinda thing that only you know how to deal with.

There is only so much advice that strangers can offer you - at the end of the day, you're the one who knows your girlfriend best, so you are the one who (should) know how best to break something like this to her.

That being said, Jonluw has offered some pretty sound advice - suggesting you introduce blindfolds or maybe even handcuffs (not industrial ones, the cheap and tacky fluffy ones from Ann Summers) could help break the ice a little. Handcuffs and blindfolds are, oddly, BDSM paraphernalia which are relatively widely accepted - same with using costumes and roleplaying in the bedroom. They make a wonderful little diving board.

Beyond that, you'll just have to play it by ear, and make sure that your girlfriend knows that you aren't going to drop her like a hot stone the minute she admits to not liking or wanting something.

thesilentman:
The fetishes I'm thinking or start at the S&M end of BDSM and gets wonkier from there. You guys can infer the rest and that's exactly why I'm a little apprehensive about telling her. :-/

Okay, that's a little more info. I don't really think "inferring the rest" is a good idea - advice varies wildly depending on what aspects of S&M and BDSM you're in to.

Again, for example: "I'd like you to spank me" is pretty light and tame. If she enjoys it, then you can move on to more interesting things. IF you want her to Dom/Sadist.

On the other hand, saying "Would you like me to spank you?" is probably safe. And again, if she enjoys it, then she might be into being a Sub/Masochist.

Case in point - I had no idea that I enjoyed Sadism or being a Dominatrix until my spouse wanted to try it. We played around both ways - I tried being the Sub, but the pain was too distracting. My spouse, on the other hand, gets off from pain quiet well. So at first, I was just doing it to please my spouse. Then, as I got more into it, I noticed that being the one with the whip was making me super wet. Since then we've moved up to some harder stuff (better quality whips, bondage equip, candles, etc.) and it's all been pretty good (other than the candles - my spouse liked the wax, but I was afraid I was going to set the bed on fire).

So now I'm an amateur Dominatrix (since I only do so with my spouse or other interested lovers rather than professionally for pay), all because of a little experimentation in that direction.

The point is, start light. There are entry level things you can ask about that can test the waters. If she likes them, then you can try some other things.

And remember - even if she is into it, you're going to need some time to work up to things. Both of you are going to need some time to get used to how you both react to things.

Again, case in point - having been into this for a few years now, I know my spouse's pain limit. I have done things to my spouse that leave bruises for a week, scratches that bleed, or other visible injuries. In bed, these things were giving my spouse pleasure, but the next morning they were actual injuries. Worth it, but only because we both know how far I can go and it be pleasurable.

Finally, if you are uncomfortable talking about this in an open forum, you could PM me. As noted above, I'm pretty experienced in S&M as well as BDSM. I might be able to give you more specific advice there.

S&M starts with dirty talk and handcuffs. So start with dirty talk(not horribly vulgar mind you) and see how she reacts and how she likes being dominated. If it's within her likes(even if she doesn't know it yet) she will start to ask for it.

Similar situation happened to me. We're not super into s&m but we've progressed from lightly tying her hands to spanking to scratching her back to some hair pulling. It's all about taking it slow and making sure it's fun for your partner as well as you. Start with some mild dirty talk, ask her if she's been a naughty girl. See how she responds. Move things slowly and listen to what she has to say. If she isn't into it you can't make her do it, but finding out that who you're with is into the same weird shit as you is a fun and exciting feeling. Good luck.

Thanks for all of the help, guys. I'll try to see whether I can make it happen. I'm not sure what else to say...

 

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