How to ask a geeky girl out

What are some basic do's and do not's about asking someone out on a date? Truth is, I'm not doing it definitely to get a girlfriend - it's really just to get to know them, so I'm not even sure if date is correct... but if I stick to just a movie or coffee (especially in the day), it might not be clear that I'd like to date her (assuming I'm right about what sort of person she is, of course).

She seems pretty confident and happy, a fairly well adjusted can-do attitude. I think she's from out in the country - but she's into comic books and animation movies (Studio Gibli for one) and Dr Who and that kind of stuff. And Supernatural. She's a SN fangirl (fan fic and fan art maker). But that's okay. Got all sorts of cool fantasy type rings and stuff too. Did I mention she's pretty? I know her through my NaNoWriMo creative writing group, and although she's an illustrator primarily, she seems really keen to learn about writing. I learnt this from the WHOLE TEN MINUTES (!) I got to spend with her the other night (I waited for her, as she was signing a petition, just to make sure she knew where the group were having dinner).
She's a vegetarian.

I've had BAD experiences asking girls out. I got really nervous when I was younger, of course, but I've actually been in the company of girls, some even one-on-one (!) and I think I've got a handle on nerves, what with being 27 now. Of course I'm recovering from a massive bout of wimp, so....

I understand that what I'm about to say may make me sound like are a misogynist, but hear me out.
Women are women, they all want the same, nerdy girls don't "work" differantly.

Seducing one is the same process, talk to her, be nice, pay her compliments and be charming.
Also, here's a tip that I found helpful, never ask a girl out if you are really nervous. Make sure you are comfortable and that you feel confident (hard to achieve but it's best to wait until you can ask properly than to spurt it out and hope she says yes). Also make sure she feels comfortable around you.
Shared interest is a great way to get comfortable and for you to slowly (but no too slowly) build up both your confidence in yourself and for her to see that you are "worthy".

Hope this helps, go get 'em tiger!
*slaps arse"

Eh, it doesn't sound *that* misogynist. Women are women. Though I wouldn't say they're *all* the same. I am reasonably confident she'd like a lot of the same things that the majority of women like. I've just met some really un-feminine women who balk at the idea of romance. But then they mostly turned out lesbian, so...

I can do the talking, being nice and compliments bit. I just need a refresher on the charming bit.

I won't ask if I'm nervous about it. I think I've got enough experience to know when they're comfortable around me - and when they're not. I've learnt some things over the years, after all.

I think seeing animation movies is a good common-ground thing. I like a lot of Pixar's stuff, and I believe you're never too old for a Disney movie. There's usually at least one of either (or both) most months.

Another question: is there a good time or a bad time to ask if a girl has a boyfriend?

Daniel Ferguson:
Another question: is there a good time or a bad time to ask if a girl has a boyfriend?

Chances are if she has a boyfriend and you talk to her for more than thirty minutes, she'll mention it. It's hard to talk about yourself without mentioning your significant other for one, and most people like to mention their boy/girlfriend even when it's not really relevant, either because they like to brag or because they want to make it clear they're unavailable. So if you guys have coffee or go watch a movie a few times and she still hasn't mentioned having a boyfriend, she probably doesn't.

Of course it doesn't hurt to ask, but it might come across as a bit forward.

Daniel Ferguson:

Another question: is there a good time or a bad time to ask if a girl has a boyfriend?

You don't really ever need to bluntly ask if she has a boyfriend. When you ask her out and if she has one, she'll let you know.

Daniel Ferguson:
What are some basic do's and do not's about asking someone out on a date? Truth is, I'm not doing it definitely to get a girlfriend - it's really just to get to know them, so I'm not even sure if date is correct... but if I stick to just a movie or coffee (especially in the day), it might not be clear that I'd like to date her (assuming I'm right about what sort of person she is, of course).

She seems pretty confident and happy, a fairly well adjusted can-do attitude. I think she's from out in the country - but she's into comic books and animation movies (Studio Gibli for one) and Dr Who and that kind of stuff. And Supernatural. She's a SN fangirl (fan fic and fan art maker). But that's okay. Got all sorts of cool fantasy type rings and stuff too. Did I mention she's pretty? I know her through my NaNoWriMo creative writing group, and although she's an illustrator primarily, she seems really keen to learn about writing. I learnt this from the WHOLE TEN MINUTES (!) I got to spend with her the other night (I waited for her, as she was signing a petition, just to make sure she knew where the group were having dinner).
She's a vegetarian.

I've had BAD experiences asking girls out. I got really nervous when I was younger, of course, but I've actually been in the company of girls, some even one-on-one (!) and I think I've got a handle on nerves, what with being 27 now. Of course I'm recovering from a massive bout of wimp, so....

It may take more than one shot to make your intentions clear. One coffee or movie can be just a couple of friends spending time together, but as you get up to two and three your intentions will become more clear and the subject will become easier to approach. And at that point if she does have a boyfriend she will make it known, because she'll start to see what's going on. After you leave the first date, say something like "We should do this again sometime" and then depending on her response try again the next week or so.

The only thing I caution you about movie dates is it's hard to get to know someone and hint at romantic affection while both of you are staring straight forward at a screen for two hours. It can be nice if you share popcorn, but when you start getting closer to the point where you want to ask her "out" out then you'll definitely want it to be a lunch or dinner date. Movies can be effective after a few times, but seeing several movies is quite expensive so coffee or lunch might be more worth your time.

MrCollins:
I understand that what I'm about to say may make me sound like are a misogynist, but hear me out.
Women are women, they all want the same, nerdy girls don't "work" differantly.

Seducing one is the same process, talk to her, be nice, pay her compliments and be charming.
Also, here's a tip that I found helpful, never ask a girl out if you are really nervous. Make sure you are comfortable and that you feel confident (hard to achieve but it's best to wait until you can ask properly than to spurt it out and hope she says yes). Also make sure she feels comfortable around you.
Shared interest is a great way to get comfortable and for you to slowly (but no too slowly) build up both your confidence in yourself and for her to see that you are "worthy".

Hope this helps, go get 'em tiger!
*slaps arse"

I've commented on your name before, but I just can't help thinking how funny it is that Mr. Collins is giving dating advice :-P

Well if you're both members of some group that's an awesome advantage. At the very least it's something you can both talk about.

Forget about asking her out for now - just try to chat with her and be friendly whenever your group meets up. If you can manage a friendly chat, find and add her on Facebook. I find it much easier to talk with my fingers, and I imagine I'm not alone there. This will make communication easier (and you can check her relationship status). Just be careful not to be too intrusive, and if the conversation isn't flowing naturally DON'T force it. If she's giving you short, blunt replies that are like 5 minutes apart, it's very likely she's not interested in talking to you right now. Just pull it back, and she'll talk to you later if she wants to. If you can chat fine and seem to be hitting it off, after a couple of days of getting to know each other (be sure to throw in a bit of flirting to test the water too) ask if she wants to have lunch/dinner/coffee/a drink somewhere (not movies). Bam - there's your date. If there's chemistry, run with it. If not, there's nothing wrong with just being friends.

I'd talk to her on facebook, but "it's screwed up" - meaning she can't, or won't, reply. This was months ago. Same story with email. I've got a number (she gave me a networking card) but I'm not holding out much hope there either. She's also "very busy". So I really don't know if I should even bother...

Hmm... I'd hate to say but it sounds like she just might not be that interested. Sorry dude. That said, persistence can often pay off, and if you're romantic enough she might just be flattered enough to change her mind. Show her why she'd want to date you. Just be sure to keep an eye on her body language so you don't fall into creepy stalker territory. It's a fine line, but you should be able to tell if you've crossed it.

I'd say get to know her for a while before asking her out on a date, you might find you don't get on as well as you'd initially think. Usually I find that the easiest way to segue into a date is by initially just chatting in passing and eventually broaching the subject once you feel comfortable around each other; rather than the brute force 'hi how are you can we go on a date' approach.

And don't believe in that friend zone myth: if it's gonna happen it will happen, regardless of how much time you spend in each others company before going on a date.

I don't really think any tips can help you here. The only sound-ish piece of advice you could get would be don't be afraid to fail. There isn't some platonic, idealised Male to whom you have to aspire; it's our mistakes, our particular habits, our idiosyncratic ways of talking and expressing ourselves that reveal us for what we are to other people. Go about it, with courage, any way you like because that's the way that you want to do it, and surely what you're interested in is her liking 'you for you'.

That said, obviously don't go all rohypnol on her. That might be 'you for you', but it's not advisable.

I'll ask her if she'd have time to get a coffee (or tea, in her case) some time. I could do this either by phone any time (that card has her number) or if I don't get around to that I'll ask her when I see her (whenever that is).

 

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