Ex may be spreading vicious rumours about me, may have reached a new interest

To cut a very long story short, my ex of 3 years who broke up with me 10 months ago may be spreading a very vicious rumour about me, to put it simply she's saying I raped her, she's really determined to destroy me and paint me as a monster quite simply to justify that she cheated on me, left me for someone else, then treated me like dirt when I developed a suicidal depression and reached out to her for help. The rumour is bullshit of course and wouldn't bother me that much normally, now here's the but.

I recently got back in contact with a girl I knew and liked before her but never had the courage to ask out, problem is, she has a couple of mutual friends with my ex, I've exchanged a couple of messages with this girl and she says definitely wants to meet up and she would get back to me when she's free but it's been a couple of weeks now and I'm worried that she's gotten wind of the lies circulating about me and so is trying to avoid me.

I don't know for sure if this rumour is spreading about me as my source doesn't confirm it, but suggests it. I'm afraid to ask this girl if she has been told the lies about me and to stay away, but worried then that I might seem pushey or put the doubts in her mind myself if she hasn't. Alternatively I could ask the mutual friends if it is true that my ex is spreading a rumour about me, they're not really clsoe friends with my ex so it is possible they may give me a straight answer and I do still have these people on Facebook, they didn't delete me like the rest of her friends. Or should I just leave it and see what happens?

I'd suggest you just bring it up with the girl you like. Just tell her you're worried she's heard of some vicious rumours your ex spread, but in reality you just had a bad break up and it's all slander. Tell her you'll understand if she doesn't want to hang out with you given the nature of the rumours, but you'd really like a chance to explain what really happened. She's probably bound to catch wind of it if she hasn't already, and the best policy is honesty. If your bringing it up drives her away that's unfortunate but surely it's better than anxiously waiting around wondering if she's ever going to get back to you.

I don't think it is an issue. If she's still talking to you then either she hasn't heard about it or she doesn't care. I think if it is really bothering you, you could bring it up. I'd start with the other friends. This source of yours could just be 'shitting you.

You said the ex 'may' be spreading rumours. If you've just heard them third hand, then you could just casually mention you've heard some pretty awful rumours are going around about you. Then you can discuss it, the bad break up and stuff. Try to set her at her ease, you're the injured party here. But try to find out if these rumours are actually spreading about first.

Super Kami Guru:
she says definitely wants to meet up and she would get back to me when she's free but it's been a couple of weeks now and I'm worried that she's gotten wind of the lies circulating about me and so is trying to avoid me.

I hate to say this but, that the girl you'r interested in doesn't contact you might have nothing to do with the rumors. In my expirience, if you ask a girl out and she says "technically" yes but then acts like she has no free time for weeks, she did not really want to go out with you in the first place.

I dont know if this relevant to your situation, since you said the rumors dont bother you, but rumors of rape can potentially really hurt ones social relations and/or career, so you might conisder legal actions against her spreading those. Accusing sombody of something like that is no joke.

Chris Tian:

I hate to say this but, that the girl you'r interested in doesn't contact you might have nothing to do with the rumors. In my expirience, if you ask a girl out and she says "technically" yes but then acts like she has no free time for weeks, she did not really want to go out with you in the first place.

Think you're definitely right here, did ask her and she just said "I haven't heard anything, who are our mutual friends?" and hasn't said anything since, which gives me the impression she's just not keen. Though I also get the feeling something has been said to her.

Chris Tian:

I dont know if this relevant to your situation, since you said the rumors dont bother you, but rumors of rape can potentially really hurt ones social relations and/or career, so you might conisder legal actions against her spreading those. Accusing sombody of something like that is no joke.

My source isn't reliable at all and I really don't know if I could get a straight answer out of anyone, plus would be so incredibly awkward asking these people if something was being spread. Legal action is expensive and something I just couldn't afford, unless it would be a case of costs paid by the losing side?

Super Kami Guru:
My source isn't reliable at all and I really don't know if I could get a straight answer out of anyone, plus would be so incredibly awkward asking these people if something was being spread. Legal action is expensive and something I just couldn't afford, unless it would be a case of costs paid by the losing side?

I cant give you concrete legal advice, since I don't know where you'r from and how the legalsystem there works. I just felt like mentioning it, because thing like that can go south.

Chris Tian:

Super Kami Guru:
My source isn't reliable at all and I really don't know if I could get a straight answer out of anyone, plus would be so incredibly awkward asking these people if something was being spread. Legal action is expensive and something I just couldn't afford, unless it would be a case of costs paid by the losing side?

I cant give you concrete legal advice, since I don't know where you'r from and how the legalsystem there works. I just felt like mentioning it, because thing like that can go south.

Yeah I know, from what I know of the law in civil cases the losing side pays all the court costs, I know this because I had to threaten legal action to get some valuable belongings back from my ex. I really suspect something has been said to her because simply we had a conversation end of last year before she deleted her Facebook and she was more than happy to have a long personal conversation then, now I just get a couple of word message and no answer to the follow up question, like she didn't want to say more in case she let slip.

 

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