Advice On The Friends I Have

Hey everyone!
So, to start, I just want to admit that I'm really bad at making/keeping friends. I'm incredibly awkward/kind of a jerk in person and, most of the time, if I do make any friend's I'll hang out with them once or twice and then stop hanging out with them altogether.
However, even with all that being said, I have been able to keep my same group of friends I've made in high school for the past seven years. But, the more I hang out with them, the more I'm starting to not enjoy myself. Whenever we hang out, I barely get to put in any input to the conversation and whenever we watch a movie if I try voicing my opinion they jump down my throat with stupid counterpoints/rude remarks about my opinion.
So, as stated before, I've never been good at making/keeping friends; so I'm starting to wonder if this anger and hostility I'm feeling towards my friends is rightly placed or that maybe it's me who is being the bad friend here and so I shouldn't get angry at my friends, but rather, try to change myself so we can keep being friends. You know what I mean? It's 3am here so, if anything in this message seems a little vague, it's probably my fault...
Any advice/input you guys have on this situation would be greatly appreciated!

What exactly do you mean by "kind of a jerk in person?" Do you have a habit of saying rude or inappropriate things? I'm afraid it's very difficult to give you advice on how to overcome your problems with making friends without knowing what specifically your problems are ;-)

Yeah, sorry if the post is a little confusing, it was really late when I wrote it. What I mean by that comment is I'm a pretty sarcastic guy in person. Nothing to major, I'll be friendly to you if your friendly to me, but if your a jerk, I tend to be a jerk back to you. Or, I just ignore that person's presence completely. I also tend to speak my mind all the time and, as you can imagine, this gets me into boatloads of trouble at times. Does this help you at all?

I am very sarcastic with my friends, in fact, we talk to each other with sarcasm all the time!

Problem with me is that I sometimes keep what I want to see inside and the conversation shifts before I can say my piece (which is annoying) I don't have that many friends (the ones I do have are close though) and most of my friends are working and have their own stuff to deal with, so we can't hang out like we did in secondary school (skipping classes and such)

Try doing something new with them, maybe go on a trip, go to a concert, play some games with them (playing games with friends is always a good way to you all talking) Find some topics to talk about beforehand. Try not to be too rude to anyone, if they win, don't put down their victory in a condescending manner, do it humorously. Keep trash talk to humor and such, try not to get personal.

Hope this helps...

Both are possible. Maybe you are overreacting to small jabs by your friends and you need to chill. Maybe your friends are assholes who need to back off and stop shooting you down. There's no way to tell without more specific examples of these exchanges, and even then we'd need to be there to gauge their tone and other social cues that would betray their intentions.

Honestly, if you're not happy, just find some other friends. You shouldn't force yourself to hang around with people who make you feel inadequate. Making new friends is always hard, but even that awkward period of trying to find new people you get along with has to be better than hanging around people who are familiar but unpleasant.

Probably a little of both to be honest. It's possible to get stuck in a vicious cycle where your "thing" is to be the edgy, sarcastic guy in your group, and since that's what people expect of you, that's what you fall back on doing. Social stereotypes tend to be self-perpetuating (see also: the Painfully Nice Guy, the LOL So Random Guy, the Big Guy Who Fancies Himself As A Hard Nut, the One Who Plays Guitar, the Guy Who Takes Everything Too Far When Drunk...)

Sounds like you need to shake things up a bit. Like another poster mentioned, try either seeing the same group of friends in a different social context (join a sports club together, start playing Magic or D&D, whatever) or else find a new group of people to socialise with. In many ways the second option is easier as you get a fresh start and can reinvent yourself, to some degree anyway.

1. Maybe it's time to leave your high school friends behind? You should still stay in contact but don't consider them your "best" friends if you don't enjoy hanging out with them. Clearly they don't value you so why should you waste your time on them?
2. Don't change yourself for other people, change yourself for YOU. Would you want to make friends with yourself? Why? Why not? Start from there.
3. Make some new friends! It's a great way to leave behind your insecurities about your past & current friends and try again. (You should try to get to know a lot of people but go on second or third "hang outs" only with friends you do like hanging out. Don't be scared of asking them to hang out multiple times but figure out if they're just shy/not good at organising or simply aren't interested in being your friend)
4. if you think your sarcasm is keeping you from making new friends & being well liked and it's something you want to change, hang out with a thin skinned friend for a while and you'll learn to watch what you say to preserve your friendship. On the other hand if you think sarcasm is YOU, find like minded people who can joke back & forth with you and disregard people who don't share your sense of humour!
GOOD LUCK.

Talk to them about it and how you feel, though try to analyse why this happens

Well, shit, I often have similar feelings, although, I'm a bit different.

I've always had trouble making friends and been pretty awful with conversation, but I've never been seen as a jerk for legit reasons, except for in one instance, in which case, fair enough, I was being a jerk, but nobody else familiar with it with whom I discussed my choice of action advised against it, and the person, didn't see my choice of action as the bad part, as far as I could tell, he kind of left me in the dark, when the whole thing (from what I know of it) could have been solved with an "Oh, shit, big mistake, sorry!" if he'd actually spoken to me about it rather than taking the fatalist approach and instantly abandoning the friendship. Furthermore, I didn't lose any respect from other individuals for it, if anything it seems the other guy lost respect, but the rest of my friends still hang out with him, of course, while he has a high tendency to infuriate, they haven't spent 5 years with the guy like I had.

Anyway, I shouldn't be loading my problems on to you, you're lucky. You haven't done anything wrong or made any mistakes, yet, you're still able to decide. It's good that you aren't as sure of yourself that I was, because my point is, be careful how you break it off.

They might value or like you more than you think they do. You might feel the same soon after you end it. Learn from my mistakes, be honest with how you're feeling, be careful how you phrase things...if you're splitting off from them all, it doesn't matter so much, but if you end it in an angry way, they may come to resent you.

But then again, my case is very specific and might be difficult to relate your case to. I use it because this event of my crude and foolhardy attempt to create distance resulted in depressive feelings, a distracted mind, experience of excruciating awkwardness and passive-aggression, all of which still affect me today.

-removed for feeling like a bit of an unappreciative, judgemental, label-smacking dick-

Then again, dude, it was 3AM when you wrote this, if you're at all like me, this is when you start to think about stuff, all the arguments for whatever perspective you have come to mind at this time. After a good night's sleep, or several, you might find you have a more optimistic perspective in the morning, but if the thought reoccurs consistently, as it had for me, maybe it is time you should do something, but like I said, take great care.

Sorry if this has been a bit of a mind-splooge for me and if it has been a bit to me-focused, I just took this thread as an opportunity to spew my feelings, and to help another avoid that empty hole in the stomach when one makes a fatal error. Know who you're dealing with, man.

shwnbob:
Whenever we hang out, I barely get to put in any input to the conversation and whenever we watch a movie if I try voicing my opinion they jump down my throat with stupid counterpoints/rude remarks about my opinion.

They are jerks.

 

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