Dating out of my league?

I work as a waitress at the officer's club on a military base. I've met a lot of guys and never seem to be interested because a lot of them are tools. Well, I finally meet someone that has the type of personality I like. I've hung out with him a couple times but I wouldn't label it as dating, it's more like hanging out as friends and getting to know each other. I've learned that he is pretty wealthy, extremely smart and interesting. I feel like those are all the things I'm not. Please don't get me wrong, I am not a gold digger nor do I care what he has in the bank. I believe in being a young independent female. But I still feel really intimidated by him, no matter how nice and comforting he is. I feel like I can't level up to his intelligence. Maybe I'm too paranoid? I am my complete self around him, but still I manage to be an awkward silent weirdo... what do I do? I know I'm going to see him again. Not saying I want to win his heart, I just want to be the best of me... I just don't know how to look passed feeling intimidated.

You need to sack up... or vagina up... whatever the female equivalent of sacking up would be. It's all in your head, he's just a normal person. I mean unless he has bad ass super powers he's no better than you.

You shouldn't put people up on pedestals. He obviously enjoys your company if he's bothered to hang around and get to know you. You keep mentioning you feel intimidated by his intelligence. Do you mean he has a higher education than you?

Sometimes people can make you feel a bit dumb just because they talk confidently about things you don't fully understand. For example I used to feel intimidated by people who talked about politics because I thought anyone who could speak that confidently about a topic must be really intelligent. Then I actually started learning about politics and it turned out that some of the people who I previously thought were smart were actually completely wrong about everything. I just felt intimidated into thinking they must have some amazing insight because I wasn't very knowledgeable about the topic at the time, and they appeared to be.

Anyway, just keep spending time with him. At some point he's going to slip and do something mildly embarrassing, like say something silly or spill coffee on himself, at which point you'll realise that no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes and feels embarrassed sometimes, and it's easier to feel comfortable around someone once they've revealed their human fallibility.

White Lightning:
You need to sack up... or vagina up... whatever the female equivalent of sacking up would be.

I heard that "spine up" is a gender-neutral term for it, though it doesn't have the same force.

Don't worry about him being awesome - enjoy it! He probably snores (don't expect him to admit this to anybody), or bites his toenails (don't expect him to admit this to you).

If he likes spending time with you (which he does) then you've got nothing to worry about. Why not ask him out?

As long as you're not stupid, I don't see how not being as smart as he is would negatively influence you're chances with him.

Is he really intimidating ? You seem to think that working towards a relationship is a competition or something. Dating ''out of my league'' doesn't sound right to me (I know what you're saying though).

But, you're friend with him right ?

One advice I could give you is seeing this situation differently. Instead of thinking that you have to be better than him, think as if you are on the same team.

He bring something to the table, you bring something to the table.
He's wealthy and intelligent ? Alright that's great !
What are you good at ? Any particular things about you that you like about yourself ?
I'm sure there is, focus on that and do something about it with him.

Hope that helps, do your best !

You need more self confidence if you want to see this progress.
You MAY come off as uninterested if you continue to act scared or unsure, and he may move on.

Do you like him? Does he like you?

If yes to both, there's nothing at all stopping you. Don't think so little of yourself. Dating is not something with leagues, it's about two people who want to spend time together and enjoy each other's company.

Relax and enjoy. He sounds like a good guy and those can be so hard to find so be confident and go for it. You're just as good as him and if he didn't think so, he wouldn't be interested in you.

Keep a cool head, don't let your neuroses get the better of you, don't put the guy on a pedestal and remember that there are worse things than being an "awkward silent weirdo," as you put it.

tricky-crazy:
One advice I could give you is seeing this situation differently. Instead of thinking that you have to be better than him, think as if you are on the same team.

He bring something to the table, you bring something to the table.
He's wealthy and intelligent ? Alright that's great !
What are you good at ? Any particular things about you that you like about yourself ?
I'm sure there is, focus on that and do something about it with him.

Well said.

 

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