17 yr old sister refusing to take contraception.

So...i arrange for my sister to come down today. This morning I hear from our mother that she's been sleeping with her boyfriend. Her first and this relationship is so new I've yet to meet him. I hear also that sister is not taking any form of contraception and is basically being blase on the possibility of her getting pregnant.
Any ideas on what I should say or do? Sister doesn't know yet I know but things are tense at her home

Speaking with total honesty here, I wouldn't go there..

You are not responsible for your sister. You aren't her parent, her boyfriend or her legal guardian, so it isn't up to you. Furthermore, people, especially younger people who are still finding their independence, don't always react reasonably to being confronted by their family members about problems. It may be that part of the problem is that your sister has been lectured so many times about unprotected sex that she's just burned out on the fearmongering.

I know it's difficult when you're concerned for someone and you really want them to make the right choices, but at the end of the day you can't control what they do. Everyone knows that unprotected sex is risky in terms of pregnancy, so simply reminding your sister of that doesn't seem likely to have the desired effect.

I mean, if you have a good relationship with your sister and she sees you as someone who she can talk to about stuff, then you might try steering the conversation towards it at some point. Since you haven't met her boyfriend, you could try asking her about her relationship and how things are going and see if she's willing to talk to you about it, because there's going to be some reason. Maybe she wants to get pregnant, maybe she doesn't think having an abortion would be a big deal, maybe she's insecure about her relationship and doesn't feel comfortable asking her boyfriend to wear condoms, maybe she's scared of the side effects of going on the pill. Until you know what the problem actually is it's hard to really know what to do or say to fix it.

I've gotta second evilthecat, here. It sounds like you not only disapprove of her having sex without protection, but also that she's having sex with this guy at all. If she's determined to have sex with him, your disapproval is not going to change that. And if she knows you don't want her to be sleeping with him at all, your advice on using protection is going to be ignored as well.

But ultimately you don't know what it is, and you aren't responsible for her. If you do find yourself in a situation where she's asked you directly what you think, I'd just say "Look, I don't care if you have sex with this or any other guy. It'd just be safer if you used protection." But otherwise don't go after her and try to deal with it yourself. That's only going to drive her further away. Just make yourself available as someone she can seek non-judgmental advice from. That's really the best you can do.

 

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