Dating: How the hell do I do it?

Despite the fact that I was in two relationships that were abusive and toxic, I want to try again. Unfortunately, nobody wants to. There's no place to meet women around here, even bars (which I won't do anyways). Meet up has nothing I'm into . I try online dating but all I get is bots, people who accidentally swiped right or people that say shit like "you're too ugly". How the Hell do I do this?

Social stuff with friends might help you out a bit. That way you get introduced to new people via your friends in a more natural way, without having go specifically looking for a partner. Whilst I've had success with dating apps, before they came along I basically made do by meeting all my girlfriends through friends in real life. I first met my wife through a friend because we both happened to be helping her at a bake sale.

Are you on tinder? Which dating sites are you using? What does your profile blurb say? Is your photograph professionally taken?

Also have you thought about speed dating?

Imo, the best way is to not worry about it and just let it happen. I've had 2 girlfriends in my life. Both times I didn't expect it to happen. And they were the ones asking me.

Imo when you're actively looking for a relationship people can subconsciously feel it. And it makes you seem a little desperate. But hey, what do I know in the end? I'm just one guy with only a few personal experiences in relationships. :P

PS:
Another tip I could give is to give someone that shows interest in you a chance, even if you don't immediately feel an attraction to them. If they like you, and you can get along normally with them, why not give it a shot? It's not like you'll be marrying right away, you can always break up if it doesn't work out.

dscross:
Are you on tinder? Which dating sites are you using? What does your profile blurb say? Is your photograph professionally taken?

Also have you thought about speed dating?

I'm on tinder, OKCupid and PoF. Good news is I got a girls number yesterday but the bad news is she screamed at me and hung up on me 10 minutes in because I accidentally interrupted her. I actually flinched, thinking she was gonna hit me like in every relationship I've been in. And there is a speed dating event near me but it's $50 to go in and I'm not risking wasting $50 just to walk out empty handed.

maninahat:
Social stuff with friends might help you out a bit. That way you get introduced to new people via your friends in a more natural way, without having go specifically looking for a partner. Whilst I've had success with dating apps, before they came along I basically made do by meeting all my girlfriends through friends in real life. I first met my wife through a friend because we both happened to be helping her at a bake sale.

I've actually tried that with my only friend, he's a guitarist but the women who like him only want musicians and aren't interested in me.

RaikuFA:

maninahat:
Social stuff with friends might help you out a bit. That way you get introduced to new people via your friends in a more natural way, without having go specifically looking for a partner. Whilst I've had success with dating apps, before they came along I basically made do by meeting all my girlfriends through friends in real life. I first met my wife through a friend because we both happened to be helping her at a bake sale.

I've actually tried that with my only friend, he's a guitarist but the women who like him only want musicians and aren't interested in me.

In that case it sounds like you first need to find more platonic friends before worrying about partners. A good thing for that is meetup - an app/website that lets you find groups of people with a similar interest to you, who hold local events. (I promise I'm not a shill). I moved to town a few years back to a place where i had literally no friends. Eventually I found Meetup and instantly I found a board-gaming group, an rpg group and a sci-fi reading/writing group, and now I've got circles of friends in each of these. It goes without saying that you might well meet a date at any one of these new groups, who is going to have matching interests to you.

sanquin:

Another tip I could give is to give someone that shows interest in you a chance, even if you don't immediately feel an attraction to them. If they like you, and you can get along normally with them, why not give it a shot? It's not like you'll be marrying right away, you can always break up if it doesn't work out.

Agreed. One of the most common complaints you see about people looking for dates is that the potentials they are attracted to don't seem to notice them. The reality is that these complainers themselves are often failing to notice the people interested in them.

RaikuFA:

dscross:
Are you on tinder? Which dating sites are you using? What does your profile blurb say? Is your photograph professionally taken?

Also have you thought about speed dating?

I'm on tinder, OKCupid and PoF. Good news is I got a girls number yesterday but the bad news is she screamed at me and hung up on me 10 minutes in because I accidentally interrupted her. I actually flinched, thinking she was gonna hit me like in every relationship I've been in. And there is a speed dating event near me but it's $50 to go in and I'm not risking wasting $50 just to walk out empty handed.

They don't sound like someone you'd want to date to be fair. Could you give me an idea of how you are presenting yourself online in response to my other questions? I'll give you some feedback if you want.

I wouldn't think of speed dating as waste of money if you come out empty handed. Think of it as practice. :)

dscross:

RaikuFA:

dscross:
Are you on tinder? Which dating sites are you using? What does your profile blurb say? Is your photograph professionally taken?

Also have you thought about speed dating?

I'm on tinder, OKCupid and PoF. Good news is I got a girls number yesterday but the bad news is she screamed at me and hung up on me 10 minutes in because I accidentally interrupted her. I actually flinched, thinking she was gonna hit me like in every relationship I've been in. And there is a speed dating event near me but it's $50 to go in and I'm not risking wasting $50 just to walk out empty handed.

They don't sound like someone you'd want to date to be fair. Could you give me an idea of how you are presenting yourself online in response to my other questions? I'll give you some feedback if you want.

I wouldn't think of speed dating as waste of money if you come out empty handed. Think of it as practice. :)

I mainly start with saying hello with my name. I then bring up things we have in common and then say that I hope to keep talking to them.

RaikuFA:

dscross:

RaikuFA:

I'm on tinder, OKCupid and PoF. Good news is I got a girls number yesterday but the bad news is she screamed at me and hung up on me 10 minutes in because I accidentally interrupted her. I actually flinched, thinking she was gonna hit me like in every relationship I've been in. And there is a speed dating event near me but it's $50 to go in and I'm not risking wasting $50 just to walk out empty handed.

They don't sound like someone you'd want to date to be fair. Could you give me an idea of how you are presenting yourself online in response to my other questions? I'll give you some feedback if you want.

I wouldn't think of speed dating as waste of money if you come out empty handed. Think of it as practice. :)

I mainly start with saying hello with my name. I then bring up things we have in common and then say that I hope to keep talking to them.

Ok. First though, I meant what kind of thing do you have for your profile blurb and what kind of photographs are you using?

dscross:

RaikuFA:

dscross:

They don't sound like someone you'd want to date to be fair. Could you give me an idea of how you are presenting yourself online in response to my other questions? I'll give you some feedback if you want.

I wouldn't think of speed dating as waste of money if you come out empty handed. Think of it as practice. :)

I mainly start with saying hello with my name. I then bring up things we have in common and then say that I hope to keep talking to them.

Ok. First though, I meant what kind of thing do you have for your profile blurb and what kind of photographs are you using?

Just the basic crap.

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=111054032

RaikuFA:

dscross:

RaikuFA:

I mainly start with saying hello with my name. I then bring up things we have in common and then say that I hope to keep talking to them.

Ok. First though, I meant what kind of thing do you have for your profile blurb and what kind of photographs are you using?

Just the basic crap.

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=111054032

Ok - I think you need to market yourself better online for a start. Firstly, you need some better photographs. By that I mean, get one professionally done, or taken by a friend who is good at photography. Then for your other pictures, you need to look like you are having a laugh or doing something a bit different. nothing crazy neccessily. Just something that looks a bit fun.

Next, you need to make your profile stand out a bit. Most guys just put crap about what they want from someone and what they do for a living and their hobbies. It's fine to put that stuff but not in a non interesting way. You want to drop some humour in there. Don't be afraid to put whatever you find funny in real life in there.

As an example, in my dating profile, I just put whatever I was finding funny at the time. I put "I think about things that you may not have considered. For example, is an orange named after the colour or is the colour named after the fruit? What if Pinocchio said "my nose will now grow"? If you watch an apple store get robbed are you an iWitness? When two left handers have an argument, who is right? And by the way...how the hell did Hannibal get all those elephants over the Alps?! I've been to the Alps, and it's way too slippery and uneven for that! Lies!" And under the ideal first date bit I put 'Do you like owls? I know a cracking owl sanctuary!...' These weren't the only things I wrote, but you can see the mindset.

This may not be your sense of humour, but what I'm saying is you need a bit of your own personality in there. Most women don't want to date boring men and you won't ever get enough people interested online unless there is something a bit interesting in your profile. This has a double bonus of weeding out the women that don't have your sense of humour.

Once you've done that, then you can think about how to introduce yourself. Make sense?

Once you've done that, then you can think about how to introduce yourself. Make sense?

Hey dude. Did you find that useful at all? Once you get that bit sorted I've got a belter of an opener that used to get a pretty good response on tinder when I used it. Probably wouldn't work though if you aren't congruent with your profile. If you don't want to go down the online route, there's always speed dating or social circle. :)

dscross:

Once you've done that, then you can think about how to introduce yourself. Make sense?

Hey dude. Did you find that useful at all? Once you get that bit sorted I've got a belter of an opener that used to get a pretty good response on tinder when I used it. Probably wouldn't work though if you aren't congruent with your profile. If you don't want to go down the online route, there's always speed dating or social circle. :)

Here's a free joke:

I'm so pessimistic, if there were an Olympics for pessimism I still probably wouldn't win it.

Might not work if you are optimistic, which you must be to use a dating site.

maninahat:

dscross:

Once you've done that, then you can think about how to introduce yourself. Make sense?

Hey dude. Did you find that useful at all? Once you get that bit sorted I've got a belter of an opener that used to get a pretty good response on tinder when I used it. Probably wouldn't work though if you aren't congruent with your profile. If you don't want to go down the online route, there's always speed dating or social circle. :)

Here's a free joke:

I'm so pessimistic, if there were an Olympics for pessimism I still probably wouldn't win it.

Might not work if you are optimistic, which you must be to use a dating site.

I enjoyed starting with poking fun at dating sites. Things like ' *cheesy pick up line* blah blah blah. Tinder tinder tinder. Haha joke here an inappropriate message there. Can I have your number? ' Love that type of thing.

 

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