Welcome to Sburb! (Dead and Over)

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7/16/11. A very interesting day. The day Earth was destroyed. The day mankind faded away. The day the waking world was forgotten. The day all hope was lost.

The day a group of heroes rose above themselves. The day they fought a war. The day they battled to defend the future. The future of the fallen. The future of those yet to come. Their future.

But, more importantly, it's also the day the most anticipated game of the year is being released! That's right, Sburb is finally coming out!

The game's been a bit of an oddity for a while now. Created and produced by a previously unknown company, Sburb has never had any screen-shots or trailers released. In addition, the beta version that was supposed to be released a few months back was mysteriously canceled, with no reason given. However, despite all the strange events and secrecy surrounding the game, the few reviews that have been released so far heavily praise the game.

Sburb has been lauded as a game that crosses the borders of multiple genres, and is well known for earning 1.5 hats out of 5 from Gamebro magazine, the editorial's lowest and most ironic score ever! Oh, yeah, you know it's gonna be good.

At this very moment, Skaianet, Sburb's developer, is finally fulfilling the thousands of orders for the game. Envelopes are being sent all over the world, their eager recipients itching to play the long-awaited game packaged within. With their wait almost over, it's natural that most, if not all, of the gamers are quite excited. No doubt they'll spend the morning talking among themselves, planning out how they'll play and, hopefully, win the game.


The hustle and bustle of an older sibling rouses Dirk Pace from his slumber.


Chas Alder awakens to the sound of his alarm clock.


Cartoon sound effects stir Connor Lonske from his sleep.


In a small homestead in the middle of nowhere, Bethany James glances out a window and realizes that she's been working all night again.


Greg Markos jolts awake when a hungry pet lets out an insistent meow.


A loud and rapid banging on his bedroom door rouses Rich Salvador from his dreams.


Xavier Lee wakes just in time to see the moon descend over the horizon.

Dirk Pace: Wake Up

Dirk rises from his bed and looks in front of him to be immediately greeted by a terrifying visage. Two massive figures loom at the end of his bed, their glinting eyes hidden behind intimidating SHADES. Their style of dress is as different as night and day, and yet perfectly complimentary. One is all business, his FINELY PRESSED SUIT adding to his image as a cold and ruthless killer. The other is a heavily tanned and muscled man, tattoos running up and down his body, the same color as his wild and unpredictable hair. His cape is flowing and and burning with fiery anger and courage. Who on earth ARE these two behemoths of men?

Good morning, KAMINA AND AGENT SMITH. Dirk takes a moment to admire his IDOLS OF MANLINESS before jumping out of bed and throwing on some crap to wear.

Yeah, that looks pretty good. He takes a look around him. His ROOM is adorned with VARIOUS POSTERS filled with anime characters. Gurren Lagann, Durarara, FMA, even a little Lucky Star. It's all there, same as it was the night before. Dirk breathes a sigh of relief, knowing that his BIG SIS wasn't fucking around in his room while he slept. She had a tendency to do that. But considering he didn't wake up with any welts he feels he should have seen that coming. He also takes a moment to admire his ACTION MOVIE MEMORABILIA. FIGURINES, POSTERS, and OTHER COLLECTIBLES from all sorts of ACTION MOVIES could be found there.

He then moves onto PETS. The other thing his room was full of. The RODENT PEN, the LIZARD PAVILION, and the FISH LAIR are taken care of in order, filled with food and cleaned in the blink of an eye. Just one of Dirk's many HOBBIES, and he just doesn't have time to deal with shit right now.

He looks around. His ROOM is a mess, and his BIG SIS will probably kick his ass for not cleaning it. But then again, she will kick his ass for some other reason if he does clean it. So instead he decides to get on his computer and check PESTERCHUM.

It appears all of his friends are on his CHUMROLL today. Dirk wonders who to talk to first, and check in on their status of the Sburb release.

Chas: Wake up.

Chas Alder tosses his cover off, momentarily enjoying a period of half-consciousness before realizing what that OBNOXIOUS BEEPING SOUND is. Today must be the day. Usually he does not bother setting his CARELESS WHISPER ALARM CLOCK, as his ODDLY SENSITIVE EARS have over time evolved so as to COMPLETELY NULLIFY the sound of an alarm. But not today. Today he had to get up.

The young peddler leaps out of his bed, proudly saving himself a few precious minutes of time by sleeping fully clothed. He puts on his LEATHER JACKET, and takes a moment to breathe in the air of a new day, and another chance to ogle the memorabilia on his wall.

He was never really all that sure how they got a piece of paper to flash, but FATHER got it for a steal. FATHER was always the negotiator Chas dreamed to be one day. But this was not the time for WEIRD FAMILY REFLECTION TIME! He had to get up and check on the status of the NEW GAME he was to receive. FATHER probably has it laid out on the dining table downstairs as he usually does. All it would take is a quick walk downstairs...

No, not yet. Chas still had to get ready. Today was the day. The day of Sburb. He was four times as whimsical as normal. Shit was going to go down. Things may or may not get too hot to handle. The important thing was that he had his LUCKY FORK at all times. He gave it a hypothetical pat, as it was safely secured within his STRIFE SPECIBUS.

He then headed to his computer. All of his chums had discussed this in great detail. Everyone should have their copies today. There was no chance of any ridiculous shenanigans getting in anyone's way. Absolutely none. He opened SERIOUS BUSINESS, a very SERIOUS PESTERCHUM CLIENT for SERIOUS BUSINESS-LIKE PEOPLE. Dirk was the only one up, it seemed. Chas deemed it worth it to ask about his copy of the game before heading downstairs.

This SS thing is probably some sort of Chekov's Gun. Chas wasn't sure why. But he was sure it was.

With that taken care of, he set off down the stairs. At the base of the stairs was that ridiculously disconcerting GEORGE MICHAEL BUST. Another one of Chas' FATHER's scattered objects of GEORGE MICHAEL KNICK-KNACKS, like his alarm clock.

This thing really sort of creeps Chas out. But the game must be found. He turned away slowly and headed for the dining room.

>Connor:Turn of your the cartoon alarm and go back to sleep.

You not being in the mood for BULLSHIT, you turn off the stupid MY LITTLE PONY ALARM your dad got you a while back. You go back to sleep for a few hours.

Five minuets later of NO sleep, you remember that Sburb was coming out today and you were goint to play it with your cool guy internet friends. You get us and find it is extremely CHILLY for some reason. Why? You live in a TEMPERATE CLIMATE, yeah, but it's shouldn't be cold THIS TIME OF YEAR if there are no air conditioning in your room.

You put on your GREY jeans, your GREEN and GREY skate shoes, your SAX polo, and your FAVORITE NYLON jacket.


Felling quite SUNG now, you look around your room for INSPIRATION.

You have various posters of cartoon and video game verity, some for Adventure Time, some for Fallout: New Vegas, some for Rocco's Modern Life, and even a copy of a LIBERTY CITY SUBWAY MAP, which is ironic because you live in NEW YORK CITY.

You go on your computer and sign into PESTERCHUM and try to contact one of your better internet friends, Chas.

While you wait you browse 4CHAN'S /v/ and post in OFF TOPIC threads.

>Dirk: Get that disk!

Fuuuuuuuuuuck that! You changed your mind! There is no fucking way you are going out there just to get your ass handed to you by your PSYCHO SISTER for a stupid game. There is no way you are going, and there is no way anyone is going to make you!

>Dirk: I am serious you little maggot, get that disk!

On second thought, Sburb DOES sound pretty cool. You step outside your door and into your hallway. You can't even leave the little indent your door is within before you are assaulted by your BIG SIS' D&D SHIT. You take a moment to ADMIRE HER FINE ELADRIN ART.

BLUH! This is UTTER SHIT! You don't know why your BIG SIS is into this stuff. You are THANKFUL for it though, since she leaves you alone on nights where she's off playing D&D. However, today is not one of those days. You must be prepared for a FIGHT.

Check pc.
Pretty good. Beth looked over her code, there were many pages here. It was some bloody good code she'd used every trick in the book to get into the companies systems and it had worked. Pre-ordering things was for suckers anyway. Odd her screen was a little blurry, oh sunlight. She looked out of the windows into the wastes. Didn't see why more people didn't live out here; there was something beautiful about it, so much undisturbed snow only broken up by the odd tree or bear.
Setting the stolen game to install she decided to go out. She dressed herself in her usually furs which were more than enough to keep her warm. Once in her workshop she decided to check on that thing (which she should probably name at some point), let's see designed to fire hydrogen ions in a straight line while setting them on fire, eh she could name it later. She had some testing to do.
She'd never liked that tree, the one that was just standing there, about a few hundred meters from the house, yeah that one. Ok time to test.
Test the whatever it is
There was a humming sound the magnets lining the barrel were ready, the ions were released and there it was. A invisible gaseous spear shot forward blasted forward and hit the target.
Well what were you expecting it's just hydrogen, the lightest gas there is, its not going to pierce a tree is it?
Then game the spark.
There was a flash of light and heat as the beam combusted creating a spear of fire thousands of degrees hot the tree combusted and was soon ash.
Best test ever.
Then she remembered she hadn't eaten since yesterday dinner.
She made her way back home and cooked something pretty simple, she was no chef but she didn't need it to be too good.
Then back to the computer and opened up one of her IM programs.
Hello, anyone there?

>Rich: wake up and Freak out.

You wake up to the sound of somebody knocking on your door. That can mean only one thing: your UNCLE is ready for his MORNING WORKOUT.

This must be the end. It figures. Today was the day you were finally supposed to get your copy of SBURB. But, no. Instead there will be only death. Sweaty, 80s singlet-clad death.

You pull off your sheets reluctantly, and get dressed. Your UNCLE may enjoy the comfort and support of spandex while he is 'feeling the burn',but that is something you just can not do. All respect for the man ends at spandex. No, it is your usual attire for you.

you decide to take one last look around your room, one last look at your achievements. You eye the VARIOUS PICTURES OF BIRDS you have accumulated over years of watching. Lucky bastards. You never did find their secret.

You look over to the other side of your room, where you have set up a FAIRLY COMPLEX SOUND SYSTEM. Oh, the sweet tunes you have heard from that setup. So great.

While ogling your sound system, you spy your computer. You decide to change your pesterchum mood to reflect your new-found morose personality.

Having done all you can to avoid it, you open your door and prepare for the worst.

> Xavier: Wake up.
You begrudgingly wake up out bed and watch as the MOON descend in the horizon.

> Xavier: Make a solemn vow to the Moon.

I shake my fist at the moon in determined rage.


> This is stupid. Inspect your room or something.
YOUR ROOM is always messy, littered with VICTIMS ready to MONSTERFIED and books on ASTRONOMY and PARAPSYCHOLOGY. You never clean it up because you have PLANS TO MAKE and MONSTROSITIES TO CREATE. Adjacent to your bed is your WORK DESK where make said MONSTROSITIES. You probably should it though, a clean work space is a happy work space! On your shelf are more ASTRONOMY and PARAPSYCHOLOGY books and few GAMEBRO magazine that you are ashamed to say you like. Your computer is a PIECE OF SHIT, that's you have to say on that matter. On your walls, is posters of your idols, both real and fictional: DEADPOOL, WILLIAM JAMES, SIGMUND FREUD, KAKASHI, GRIGORI RASPUTIN and...MUHAMMAD ALI?

> ==>
I slash the Muhammad Ali poster.
Goddammit, Father! You don't wanna boxer!

Xavier: Turn on your piece o' shit computer and pester someone
You decided to pester AL.


> Dirk: Ignore the shitty art and get to finding that disk!

Okay, okay. Sheesh, voice in your head, you think. Calm down a bit it's not like the world is ending.

You head into your BIG SIS' GAME ROOM. No disk here, but you're getting closer. You can smell it. And by it, you mean WAFFLES, because the KITCHEN is through the next hallway. There sure are a lot of hallways in this house. Your SIS probably chose this place so she would have plenty of places to AMBUSH YOU.

You take a look at the GAME ROOM while you're there. To your left is the GAME TABLE, where your SIS plays D&D with her FRIENDS. You've never seen them, since you're stuck in your room during those times, but there are apparently three of them, based on the number of PILLOWS. You look at the TV to see the D&D movie is on. Oh god, how does your SIS even tolerate that shit? You can't even remember the plot, something about dragons? Oh well, whatever. Time to get the disk and get the hell out. You prepare to enter the KITCHEN...

>BTH: Wait a minute
You aren't really sure she who LIONIZEDANON was. You assumed some sort of net contact but beyond that no idea.
>BTH: Forget about it
Never mind then.
>BTH: Continue testing
You return to your work, the SCREEN is full of complex DATA SHEETS nothing you can't understand. It's so ordered everything has its place and everything is in it. It's gratifying really, it feels weighty it feels...
>BTH: Just shut up now!
You clam down, big breath. You have testing to do.
>BTH: Log data
You begin to enter the DATA from this morning's TEST.
That done you have some free time.
>BTH: Amuse SELF
You have fun. That done you feel bored.

>BTH: Realise
Oh wait you remember now. Yeah, that was who he was yeah, him.
>BTH: Remember you have something important to do.
"Download complete."
Oh right that's what she was doing. Nice download speed. You were surprised such a high profile release was so easy to hack into but who were you to complain.
Of course that wasn't the end of it. You'd have to VIRUS CHECKS to RUN then once you were sure it was legit you had to copy it to a DISK, then transfer it from her DOWNLOAD PC to the specialist gamming one. There was probably even a medium check so a HARD COPY was essential.
Might as well check how long this would take.
One (1) Hour.

>Greg:Wake Up

You WAKE UP to find that bloody cat MEOWING for food.You STUMBLE out of bed as the cat continues to MEOW.

>Look around room.

You LOOK AROUND your room and see your usual items of INTEREST.BOOKSHELVES stacked with BOOKS make up most of the walls of your ROOM,each filled with a subject dedicated to your various INTERESTS.Your COMPUTER sits on a desk in a lone corner of your room,and while you aren't an expert at it,it has proven a useful TOOL for keeping in touch with your FRIENDS and various INTERESTS.Atop the COMPUTER sits a LITTLE ANGEL DOLL that you have had for as long as you can remember.A HEROIC KNIGHT CALENDER is open to this MONTH with today circled with the word SBURB
written in the box.

>Get Dressed

You stroll to your closet,pulling out your USUAL SET OF CLOTHES of WHITE TEE,BLUE JEANS and BLACK/GREY SNEAKERS.You keep many different color SHIRTS in your closet but prefer the white ones.However you do have a AWESOME PHOENIX SHIRT that you sometimes wear but only on special occasions.You also don your pair of BROWN/GOLD FRAMED GLASSES that you left laying on your COMPUTER TABLE.

>Turn on the Computer

You decide to check to see which of your CHUMS are on before you begin the TASK of FEEDING THE CAT.

>Chas: As you near the dining room, you hear your FATHER going about his daily habit of polishing all the cutlery in the house. Right now, it looks like he's about half-way through the good SILVERWARE, and will probably be finished in about an hour. A quick peek also reveals an OPENED PACKAGE sitting on the table next to your father.

If you approach your FATHER about the package now, odds are he'll want you to work on your polishing skills. Of course, you could always STRIFE and attempt to swipe the package. Or, you could use some of your SALESMAN SKILLS to convince him to give you the PACKAGE. Then again, it might be best to simply ABSCOND for now, and wait for your FATHER to leave.


>Dirk: Not seeing your SIS in the kitchen, you cautiously step into the room. Not cautiously enough, however, as a sudden tug at your feet indicates that you've just walked into a TRIPWIRE! A large GRUE falls from a compartment in the ceiling, and lands in front of you. Will you STRIFE or ABSCOND?


>Rich: Before you, in all of his horrifying spandexy glory, stands your UNCLE. Dressed in a rather large T-SHIRT and a pair of SPANDEX SHORT SHORTS, he's ready to GET HIS WORKOUT ON! He clearly expects you to feel the same.


Chas could, in theory, ABSCOND from his FATHER'S superior SALESMAN SKILLS and check in with the CHUMS who were surely pestering him, as he left his PESTERCHUM CLIENT active. In fact, his REASONABLY WELL-OFF FATHER had bought him a BUSINESS PHONE in order to keep these sort of occurences at a minimum, but Chas was still not too great at keeping track of things. The PHONE was somewhere in the house that was not in his ARRAY MODUS.

But no. Not today. There would be no more fleeing. Chas was going to get that goddamn box and he was going to get it NOW. The silverware bullshit would be in his favor this time.


>Chas: STRIFE!

>Pester your Chums

You PESTER your CHUMS.....or you TRY to before that annoying CAT jumps onto your COMPUTER TABLE and PREVENTS you from doing anything until you COMPLETE TASK:FEED CAT.You decide to PESTER your CHUMS later after the CAT has been FEED.

>Grab Sword

Before you leave your ROOM you remember to grab your KNIGHT'S SWORD and stick it into your BLADEKIND STRIFE SPECIBUS.As your STORIES have told you,a good KNIGHT is always prepared and while you may not be a KNIGHT it doesn't hurt to think like one every now and then.

>Pat Angel Doll for good luck

You pat the LITTLE ANGEL DOLL for GOOD LUCK as you do EVERYDAY before leaving your ROOM.A little LUCK never hurt anyone.

>Open door and leave room

With a final SIGH,you reach for your DOOR HANDLE and pull it open.

>Step out into the hallway

You step out into the HALLWAY and to no SURPRISE the CAT has beaten to the PUNCH,having been WAITING for you apparently.You swear that THING is a frinckin NINJA.You walk down the HALL and make your way to the KITCHEN.

> Dirk: React!

Oh, holy shit. You guess you should have seen this coming. Your SIS loves to beat the shit out of you, but she's also LAZY in the mornings. Figures she'd still leave a GUARD for your precious SBURB DISKS. Only one thing to do now, you suppose.

You whip out your SYLLADEX, with its unique WEEABOO FETCH MODUS. Each CAPTCHALOGUE CARD in your DECK is randomly assigned A POPULAR ANIME SERIES, and you can only store an item in it that somehow relates to said ANIME SERIES. The card you choose is boldly emblazoned in red, the fire of a man's soul. It is your TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGANN card, and in it you carry your RAD KATANA.

You are ready to KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS.

> Xavier: Practice your stabs before the strife with Father
I stab the air multiple times.

> Xavier: Inspect knife before leaving
I pick up a teddy bear.
What a cute little guy, you think his name was Fluffykins at one point. You repress your urge to TURN HIM INTO A MONSTROSITY.

> Xavier: Throw the teddy bear at the ceiling
I throw the knife at the ceiling, it gets lodged in there.

> ==>
I am seen on top of stacked books reaching for my knife.
You make a small ladder BOOKS to reach the knife.

> ==>
My hand nears the knife.
Almost there!

> ==>
My hand is inches from the knife.
C'mon baby! Come to daddy!

> ==>
The small ladder of books falls, pages fly everywhere. I land on my back with a BONK sound effect.

>Chas: Armed with your LUCKY FORK, you engage your FATHER in STRIFE! However, none of your attacks can get through his AUTO-PEDDLE! Using his trusty BRIEFCASE FULL OF UTENSILS, your FATHER is able to repel all of your attempts at AGGRIEVENCE!

Now, it's his turn. Your FATHER counters with GUARDIAN RUBRIC: FREE SAMPLE! You are barraged by hundreds of PIECES OF FRESHLY POLISHED FLATWARE!

Your EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH METER drops to its lowest point ever.


>Dirk: You easily destroy the STUFFED ANIMAL GRUE TOY. What, you didn't think monsters like GRUES really existed, did you? Don't be ridiculous.

Among the scattered bits of fluff, you find a NOTE FROM YOUR SIS.


>Greg: You make your way down to the KITCHEN, only to find...

Nothing. The place is pretty usual. Table, chairs, and a few cabinets. Huh. Was kind of expecting some WEIRD GUARDIAN SHENANIGANS. Oh well.

>Chas: Get sick and tired of all this SILVERWARE PEDDLING BULLSHIT and unleash your special move.

Chas prepares to unleash his special move - something that could tear the universe as we know it apart. He had spent his whole life training for this. EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH BAR be damned, he was up to his neck in really weirdly-themed BULLSHIT and he could not stand one more goddamn second of this ridiculous scenario. He begins an attack that would scatter his own particles across the timestream in a bitter explosion of martyrdom, while taking out everything in his general area like a total fucking pro.



Oh. Wait. That's stupid and from one of his EASILY MASTERED ADVENTURE GAMES. Fuck.

Chas knows what he has to do.

>Chas: Admit this was a really stupid idea and ABSCOND.

Chas admits this was a really stupid idea, and ABSCONDS the fuck out of there.

>Rich: Nope.

It's time to ABSCOND, you think. You close the door slowly and deliberately, thinking of any possible escape routes.

There are none. Stupid not having windows! You'll have to think of a way around him. somehow.

>Enter Kitchen

Huh.It would seem that LUCK was with you today as you didn't have an ENCOUNTER with your MOTHER and that the KITCHEN is as always quite CLEAN and the only NORMAL room in the house,the rest being either surrounded by BOOKS or by your MOTHER'S NINJA INTERESTS and CAT PORTRAITS.A QUICK search of the room and you find the CAT FOOD for the CAT,COMPLETING TASK:FEED CAT and it also tells you that the the MAIL isn't in here,meaning it's either in the MAILBOX or in the LIVING ROOM and with it possibly the SBURB GAME DISCS that your friends have been pestering you since the game was announced to get your hands on.

The only THING you do find of INTEREST is one of your MANY BOOKS on the subject of SPACE/TIME TRAVEL,this one in particular being about a GUY who HITCHHIKES around the GALAXY with his STRANGE ALIEN FRIENDS.You sometimes wonder if you will ever get to go on an ADVENTURE like that.

But enough of this room.It is TIME to check the LIVING ROOM and if isn't in there,to the MAILBOX.

>Leave Kitchen and Enter Living Room

>Chas: As you ABSCOND, your guardian resumes his task of polishing. Gonna have to think of another way to get those disks.


>Rich: Your UNCLE resumes his knocking at your door. Through the wood, you can hear him talking about the pair of SPANDEX SHORT SHORTS he got for you. The situation is not looking good.


>Greg: Before stepping into the LIVING ROOM, you make a quick check of the room. Good thing too, in the middle of the room you see your MOTHER, in the midst of her morning regimen of training and meditation. SHURIKENS are embedded in the walls, and you can see A KUSARIGAMA wrapped around one of your guardians many TARGETS.

At the moment, your MOTHER appears to be achieving inner peace with the universe. Her pet cat, PERRYWINKLE, is sitting beside her, eyes closed.

It's possible your MOTHER is not aware you're here. Then again, she may just be waiting to SNEAK ATTACK you. You never know with her.

Although you can't see any package in the room, that doesn't necessarily mean Sburb hasn't already been picked up by your mother. She may have hidden it somewhere in the LIVING ROOM. Or perhaps she's neglected to visit the MAILBOX this morning.


>Chas: Wait it out and head back upstairs.

Chas decides he is sorely beaten, and heads back upstairs. FATHER will be done with all his BULLSHIT eventually and Chas can nab the disk and run. For now, he will return to his computer and check on all his CHUMS. Surely he has been pestered an infinite amount of times by someone or other. It would be a crime to keep all of his Chas-dependent friends hanging! A truly courteous friend would not leave them without his charming, reconciliatory presence for long.

Chas' PHONE is still nowhere to be found. Such a CONVENIENT device is probably hidden away with the game. Stupid lousy goddamn fate.

Seems like Connor was the only one who got in touch with you. You prepare to respond to him, but not before venting your thoughts to your cahoots-friend.

> Dirk: To the basement!

Oh damn iiiiiiit. You knew this was too easy. You guess if you're ever going to get this over with you have to go to *gulp* the BASEMENT. Oh, wait, the DUNGEON, you guess you mean.

Your SIS always told you to avoid this place like the plague. You must be in for the beating of a lifetime if she wants you to come down here. You take off the BARRIER CHAINS, which are just for show, and twist the HANDLE to open the door. You step inside to get a look at the HORRORS THAT AWAIT.

>Dirk: You enter the basement, I mean DUNGEON.

You can see the SBURB PACKAGE on a table in the middle of the room. In addition, you can also see a LARGE BOOKSHELF full of ROLE-PLAYING BOOKS. The floor is also littered with D4's and D6's, which are coincidentally the easiest kind of dice to draw.

However, your SIS is nowhere to be found.


>Bethany: While waiting for SBURB to finish downloading, you can't help but think that you're forgetting something... something about your guardian... something about maintenance... oh well, you're sure it was nothing important.

>BTH: Come on remember
Winston! You need to go check on it.

>BTH: Find Winston
There he is, you find him back in the WORKSHOP standing at only 5 feet tall you dwarf him like everyone else. Despite outward appearance it's not a robot (wait why am I telling you this any way you built it) it's armour more than anything keeping the outside out and the inside in.
"Wakey wakey."
You nudge the HEAD, HEALMATE (whatever one of the two).
"Time for your check up."

>Connor: WTF, why are you not playing Sburb.

Because YOU are ON the INTERNET! You continue to browse 4chan, running IRONICALLY into a Sburb thread. You open it.

You leave the Sburb thread and go back to posting OFF TOPIC THREADS. Your INSTINCTS come off saying that something bad is about to happen, so you start watching Adventure Time on your PC just in case.

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