Welcome to Sburb! (Dead and Over)

 Pages PREV 1 . . . 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 . . . 58 NEXT

>Chas: Inspect alchemy gear.

Alright, this is good. You think you really need to reestablish a character theme here.

DROOG'S SILVERWARE/MIDNIGHT PAINIUM (This is what you call it sometimes.) && LASER FORK
SPARE SERIOUS BUSINESS FEDORA && LASER FORK (Not entirely sure what that's gonna do.)
FOK && DROOG SUIT (Irony. You're the best at it.)

You begin the alchemy processes, sure that this whole laser thing isn't stale whatsoever.

>Dirk: Show Chas around

Oh wait, looks like he already found the ALCHEMIZING GEAR. You decide to avoid a conversation with KAMINASPRITE for now, just because you think it might take too long, but later you could probably use some of his INSPIRING SPEECHES. Either way, you think it's TIME. (Heh heh). You take your two ARTIFACT PIECES to the ALCHEMIZER, and through a LONG AND BORING PROCESS everyone has forgotten the details of, you have their two PUNCHED CARDS ready to combine.


Waffles: Snicker again
Snicker, snicker, snicker. Only kidding, Pappy.

>Xavier: Finish reading Pimp Monthly
You absolutely love this! You never had any idea the world of PIMPS were so interesting!

>Xavier: Alchemize something else

>Connor: Fine, the TOTEM OF MIGHT AND LIGHT is a pair of nerdy glasses. There we go. Happy?

The glasses still feel weird to you, in the fact that they feel completely normal. They give no sign whatsoever of doing anything with you or your powers.


>Greg: Heading EAST, you find yourself in a small room, populated by a few IMPS. There is also a staircase leading upwards in the center of the room.


>Benndak: You're not sure what the CANDY CORN && LASER FORK would make, but you don't have enough Grist to make it now. It looks like it's going to take about a metric shit-ton of Grist to make whatever it is.

You make the DAWN PAINIUM! It's quite similar to DROOG'S SILVERWARE in its shape, but it's somehow made out of lasers. Touching it is probably a bad idea.

You make the LASER FEDORA! It's a Fedora. That can shoot lasers. How many things do you have that can shoot lasers now?

It doesn't appear that you can craft stuff with your Boondollars. Too bad.

You remake the LASER GLASSES! It's another pair of glasses that shoots lasers. Seriously, redundancy.

You make the LASER SHOES! ...Okay, now this is just getting ridiculous.

You make the ALL-BLACK JUMPSUIT! It looks just like the monochromatic and mono-piece clothing worn by Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, except it's all black. Neat. And no lasers!



You got the FOB-WATCH OF THE VORTEX! And yes, that music is totally playing in the background as you make it.

The WATCH, although looking similar to both the OLD and NEW POCKET WATCHES, has a few more dials and knobs on it. It seems to keep track of the year and date as well as the time. Currently, it reads 9:05, 7/18/11.


>Xavier: Now that you're up to date on all the latest PIMP techniques, you work on making something INCREDIBLY USEFUL, but will definitely still be slightly SILLY.

You make the MECHA-KAZOOIE! Your backpack can now suddenly spring out a pair of mechanical wings, for easy-to-use flight. Way better than the IMPRACTICAL FLYING MACHINE that got you back here. Now getting around will be so much easier!

>Connor: Pick up stuff to craft with.

You take your dad's old camera that prints pictures, your copy of Portal 2, and two large cardboard box, and you drop your all your old items (except for your two bats and the crafting related gear) and remove Dude's shades from your outfit. You keep one of the coconuts though, you can craft more if you need them.

>Connor: Go upstairs and craft shit.

After getting to your roof, you do a bunch of WEIRD PLOT SHIT to create more coconuts which you hold in the box, which is near the return node and next to the other box. You then get the punched cards for your CARD TO ITEM CONVERTER with your OLD CAMERA and and create a crafting block for them, put the cards on top, and then do the same for ANOTHER COMBINATION using your Portal 2 copy and a coconut, organized like before.

>Connor: Create those two new items.

>Greg:Deal with Imps,head up stairs

Great,more IMPS.Don't these guys have anything better to do?Oh well.You dispatch them quickly enough,though you give the SIGN of RESPECT as always.You still don't like killing.

You head up the staircase in the center of the room.You keep an eye out for more IMPS as well as any of the other critters probably running around.

>Chas: Bask in new loot.

Dirk, your new watch is a giant piece of shit (sort of got you beat on the soundtrack though). This...this bundle of items is the stuff of legend. Time to figure out what the fuck to do with them. You captchalogue them all, of course. You replace your current SHOES with your LASER SHOES, confident that the next time you roundhouse kick someone it's going to be both suicidal and marvelously satisfying.

Laser kicks.

Meanwhile you look at DAWN PAINIUM. Yes, this weapon is surrounded by an aura of its own raw power. If only you could harness that.

If only you could make something beautiful, by merging light and darkness as you were fated to with this whole monochromatic scheme.

Yes. You're doing this. You're making it happen.


>Connor: Those two items (The card to item converter and the camera) don't combine to make anything. Too bad.

You create the APERTURE SCIENCE POTATO GRENADE. You could probably burn down Life's manager's house with this.


>Greg: The IMPS are dispatched easily enough. As you ascend the staircase, you find that they're aren't any other critters lying in wait for you. Yet.

There are passages heading WEST, NORTH, and EAST.


>Chas: You don't get any background music when doing your crafting. At least, not any time based music. Silly Chas.

Here, have some Protomen.

You create the THREE IN THE MORNING PANIUM! Forged in the moment between midnight and dawn, this mighty utensil glows with a soft, flowing light, encapsulating the ever shifting properties of light and darkness. It... is... beautiful.

And it doesn't shoot lasers.

>Chas: Attempt to process new weaponry.

Solid stainless painium, definitely a spork, eminating an aura of beautiful twilight, could probably cut a hole in this here wall.

Doesn't shoot lasers, though. Piece of shit. That's the whole reason you came up here, to go through a bunch of conveluted steps and then make DROOG'S SILVERWARE shoot lasers.

You toss it over your shoulder like the legendary piece of shit it is WOAH jesus christ

You are having a hard time comprehending what it just did to that wall. In fact, it probably can't be expressed in words. So you won't try. But long story short, this thing is your new primary fucking weapon. Man, that thing it just did was crazy.

You grip the PAINIUM SPORK tightly. It's been a long day. This thing is gonna serve you well. As you close your eyes and embrace the powers of Light and not Time at all, you imagine that you are the last hero of mankind

its you

Suddenly you accidentally discover one of your GodMonster-recommended-and-approved themes and ride your hypothetical freedom-cycle over to Dirk.

>Greg:Choose next path

Great,another pathway.Hmm which way to go this time?

You decide to go NORTH.A day ago you would have given more thought to it.But then after going to a YELLOW MOON,talking to a real Queen,and nearly getting crushed to death you decide that a bit of a leap of faith couldn't hurt.You just have to make sure Chas doesn't find out about it.

>Greg:Head North

>Connor: Oh well that's silly.

What do you mean it's silly!? It's a fucking coconut bomb! You craft a hole bunch of them, take 5 into your Pip-Vintory, and put the rest in the box for a little surplus.

>Wait, you still need to do your plan!

Your right! You combined a BLANK CARD from your empty deck with your CAMERA, hoping this time you will get a GHOST IMAGE CAMERA.


>Dirk: Have a newfound appreciation for David Tennet

You really should watch that show more. You're certain you could probably find it on the INTERNET if you really wanted to. But still. As absolutely amazing as that would be as your THEME MUSIC, you're afraid a POCKET WATCH is a little inconvenient for use as a TIME-TRAVELING DEVICE. But you have a way to fix that.

>Dirk: Go to room, get supplies.

It's time you did some ALCHEMIZING of your own, MENTOR OF TIME STYLE.

You grab a PURPLE JACKET from when you were just a kid from your CLOSET. You outgrew this thing when you were about 12, and you switched over to the BLACK JACKET you wore until today. But you never threw this one away, knowing you'd need it someday. And TODAY IS THAT DAY.


You also grab your LIGHTER and your COLONEL MUSTANG GLOVES. You don't SMOKE, and never intend to despite how much more like SPIKE SIEGEL from COWBOY BEBOP it would make you be. But you went through a COSPLAY PHASE not long ago, and stockpiled on LIGHTERS to be MUSTANG FROM THAT TIME HE KILLED LUST IN BROTHERHOOD and my goodness you are a massive nerd. The point is, you want to make FIRE.


You don't know where you got the KEY, but you've had it for years, and you always kind of wanted to find out what it unlocked. But now you know. It is the KEY TO KINGDOM HEARTS.


You figure if SNAKE EYES is going to be your TRAVEL COMPANION he'll need an upgrade to keep up with HIGHER LEVEL ENEMIES. And what better way to improve him than to get him some BATTLE ARMOR in the style of CELTY'S MOTORCYCLE?


And then the DRILL. SIMON'S DRILL. YOUR DRILL. When you time travel, you'll do it in STYLE.



>Quick! Make a Banjo-Kazooie reference!
You would...If you knew any...

>Xavier: Captcha all your items a fly up

You then duel-wield TCM-D and STARLIGHT SHIV.


>Chas: You crash your FREEDOM-CYCLE into a wall.


>Greg: The room you enter has a LOCKED DOOR to the NORTH. It's populated by a few more IMPS, who at this point don't even bother attacking you.


>Connor: You made a GHOST IMAGE CAMERA.


>Dirk: Because the only anime character I can think of who wears purple is Zero, you create the JACKET OF THE REBELLION! Inscribed with the embalms of both Team Dai-Gurren and the Black Knights, this jacket was made for a revolutionary of legendary status.

You create the PHILOSOPHER'S HAND WARMERS! This gloves, in addition to being quite snug and cozy, are also capable of producing pretty sizable blasts of flame. When wearing them, you feel like overthrowing a government for some reason, and then creating a new, stronger one in its place.

You create the WAY TO THE DAWN! Yes, it's an actual Keyblade. Look it up.

...Where did you get a PICTURE OF SNAKE EYES? In any case, you create the HEADLESS CYCLE ARMOR! It fits Snake Eyes quite nicely, and even has some deployable wheels that can be used for fast travel.

I'm not sure how you think using a drill/watch combination to travel through time is going to be any more convenient then just using a watch. In any case, those two items don't combine to make anything cool.


>Xavier: Don't worry, neither do I.

You find that flight is much easier when using the MECHA-KAZOOIE. You're soon able to travel around with ease.

>Chas: Escape hypothetical burning husk of freedom-cycle.

It is a hypothetical beacon of light from a burning screen.

You decide meeting up with Dirk is probably the best course of action. You do so on foot.

>Xavier: Search for the second gate

>Connor: Check inventory.

Max Weight: 40 WH



>Connor: Your plan cool guy!

Oh yeah, you just remembered. You take the camera and take a photo of your head, and creating a ghost image of your head. You then do A SHIT LOAD OF WEIRD PLOT SHIT WITH IT to create this.



>Dirk: Be distraught

B-b-b-... wha? N-no time drill? But it was gonna be so cool... you were gonna drill holes in space time to time travel with your drill and it was gonna be so cool...

You suppose it just wasn't meant to be. You mournfully place the PUNCHED DRILL CARD where you had found its tangible counterpart, and shed a single tear in thought of what might have been.

>Dirk: Suit up

But wait! Just because you lost one great thing, doesn't mean you don't have others! You are about to be the most well-dressed motherfucker in all of PARADOX SPACE.

>CJ: Take many artistic liberties with the properties described of Dirk's outfit.

You feel it. Deep inside. You are the PASSIONATE REVOLUTIONARY. It's you. You clutch the WAY TO THE DAWN to your chest, comforted by its calm assertion of HOPE.

You take the rest of your LOOT and go meet up with CHAS AND SNAKE EYES. You're ready to save the world.

>Chas: Pick up Dirk's trail.

What's this? A punched drill card?

My god.

Surely this couldn't be happening. But inside you know you're denying the truth. As you continue following the scent you come upon definite proof of your theory; a blood-covered picture of Snake Eyes (you didn't actually find this).

Dirk is dead. You must inform his next of kin. Time to find Sis.

You turn around, tears in your eyes, and greet what must be the ethereal spirit of Dirk. Then you guys have a conversation and it's probably hilarious but the narrative will reveal it later.

>Greg:Ignore Imps,bash down door

More IMPS populate the room you now find yourself in,along with a single DOOR.Which happens to be locked it seems.

You ignore the IMPS and try to bash down the DOOR with your KATANA.

Not your usual method you'll admit.But time isn't on your side today.Or maybe it is,what with one of your friends being a Hero of Time apparently.Though somehow you don't think it works like that.You will have to ask either Lily or the trolls about that.Goody,more things to think about.

>Team Aldirk: With the fires of FREEDOM burning in the background, and with the light of the THREE IN THE MORNING and the WAY TO THE DAWN illuminating your path forward, you stand as warriors, as brothers ready to pierce the night.

You're the heroes. It's you.


>Xavier: So... I'm assuming you already made it through the First Gate again?

After flying around for a bit, you eventually find the Second Gate down on the ground level. However, the Gate is guarded by a pair of BASILISKS.


>Connor: You don't have enough Grist to make this! Your previous alchemizations have pretty much wiped out your supply of Grist; you'll have to go get some more.


>Greg: Your STEEL KATANA is unable to break through the door. You do see a KEYHOLE, however. Now if only you had a KEY...

>Connor: Feh

You put the glasses with your organization of the craftie blocks and it's cards, you'll make the item later.

>Connor: Go back though the return node.

You go do that and-Your remember you have no idea what your doing. Maybe another logical reasoning session is in order.


OK, so that gate led to someone's world, and you guess it's not Xavier's because you saw what his looks like in your server PC. That means it must be Chas', 'cause this game tends to be not too random. But if this is Chas', then Xavier is going here, you better pester him when he comes back online. Or....

>Connor: Nap time for Science!

You head to your apartment, and go to sleep in your bed.

>Connor: Wake up.

You do so, and you quickly fly out your window off to Xavier's tower. You hear someone cry for you to come back for them, but you don't listen.

>Connor: Go in the tower, wake up Xavier.

Wait, before you wake him up you should likely check around there.

>Connor: Observe Xavier's dream home.

>Greg:Fail to break Door

You try to ram the DOOR and break it with your STEEL KATANA,but fail and end up on your ass a foot away from the DOOR.

The IMPS point and laugh at your display.You glare at them,but that doesn't seem to do anything.

You examine the DOOR,after getting back on your feet of course,and after a moment find a KEYHOLE.If only you had a KEY..coming this way first might have been a waste.

You point to the IMPS and ask them if they know where the KEY to this thing is.

>Jarring perspective shift: Happen

>Cool Guy: I'm on a boat!

Yes, I'm on a boat, in between to bone head getting closer to my boat.

>Cool Guy: Wait for it!

Hmmmm, They are getting pretty close. Meh.

>Cool Guy: Stay on target!

What fucking target? All you have to do is be there!

>Sam T and CJ: Notice your about to hit a boat.

>CJ: Hit boat

>Connor: You try to examine Xavier's Dream Home, but fail to. Mostly because you can't leave your own Dream Home. Mostly because you don't wake up in your Dream Home.

You find yourself in a purple cell. Three walls are comprised of some kind of stone, while the fourth is made of bars. Looking outside your cell, you see a black carapaced figure, reading some kind of newspaper.

When he sees that you've woken up, he pulls out a WALKIE TALKIE and calls someone. Although you can't hear what he's saying, you do notice that a SPEECH BUBBLE with a SPADE in it is being projected from the device.


>Greg: The IMPS really don't want to talk to you. When you point at them, they scramble away from you, heading for the far corner of the room.


>Guys fighting for art-dominance: Just don't mess up the place too much.

>Cool Guy: Aren't you people forgetting something?



>Connor: Ask the guy where your Sax is

>Connor: You are suddenly struck by the realization that simply copying and pasting a .gif from a different site and posting it in this thread will in no way whatsoever affect the art style of people contributing awesome art to this thread.

The GM says to stop telling people what to draw. Seriously.

The guy ignores you, and continues reading his newspaper.

>Benndak: Observe art-duel.

Huh. That's a pretty old callback there, CJ. Not too shabby. We've got our own little lore here and everything.

Man. This is great.

I...I love you guys.

>Chas: Have that sweet conversation with Dirk.

Alright, hey Dirk! Man, I thought you were dead, it's jus-

Is that...is that a blue dot beeping down there?

You immediately walk past Dirk, nearly bump into a wall, and greet Letage.

You begin being completely ridiculous and dancing around, shooting lasers out of your hat. You automatically assume that Dirk is distracted as all fuck and head up to the alchemy pad.


Well, that was nice. You walk away from the alchemypad to go clue Dirk in before leaving on your leaderjourney.

>Greg:Watch Imps scramble

Well,they weren't very helpful.And you still don't have a key.You will give this DOOR one more try before you head back to check one of the other paths.

You try knocking on the DOOR this time.Can't be any worse then the other things you have tried....Oh who are you kidding?Of course it could be.

GMFaU: Adher to GodMonster's rules.

>Connor: Hey, guy!

Yeah, you, what's your name? (You ask the guard) Your wondering what's going on? You didn't mean to be rude.

>Cool Guy: Avoid dieing?

Well how? You can't draw? All you know is situational humor and philosophy.

>Cool Guy: Wait for impending doom.

Well at least you get to die in tribute to you two favorite things. Lonely Island(totally stole their boat) and SBaHJ (even if you can't snop for shit).

Waffles: Observe the fight
Oh, not this shit, again.

>Waffles: Yell at the fighters

That'll teach 'em.

>Xavier: Descend and destroy
You slowly descend to the ground, you inadvertently kick up some dust.

>Xavier: Say something cool
You fuckasses have 3 seconds to step fuck away the gate.




>Chas: You create the MIDNIGHT ROCKETPACK! Pchoooooooo. All there really is to say about that.


>Greg: Your KNOCKS fail to open the LOCKED DOOR. Awwww...


>GMFAU: Yes, bend to my will! I control you! Muahahahahahahaha!

Continue duking it out with Dirk. It pleases me.


>Connor: The black man folds up his newspaper. Reaching into a pocket he pulls out a RED 2-D DIAMOND. He then proceeds to throw said RED 2-D DIAMOND at you.

The projectile barely grazes you, leaving a slight cut on your shoulder. -1 HIT POINTS.

The man retrieves his newspaper, and continues reading.


>Xavier: The BASILISKS attack you.

 Pages PREV 1 . . . 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 . . . 58 NEXT

Reply to Thread

This thread is locked