Welcome to Sburb! (Dead and Over)

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>Greg: WQ steps forward, and looks at the information Jack sent you. She seems uneasy, but agrees to do as Jack asks.

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>Xavier: WYVERN. Okay, sure, that'd work. They're more inspired by a cross between Bleach and Hajime no Ippo, but that's a fairly decent name. Also, the GM feels he should emphasize that there is only one enemy before you.

As you dash forward, the Wyvern aims a fist at you. Electricity crackles across it, building up a massive amount of charge.

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>Rich: With your small cadre of allies, you begin to explore the passages. You have significant difficulty finding any that lead upwards, however; it seems that you can only head downwards.

Eventually, you find yourself emerging into a massive cavern, its walls encrusted with hundreds of gems and crystals. Most of the floor is covered by some strangely flowing liquid, most likely liquid glass. However, the substance seems quite cool, despite its melted state.

Also in the cavern, you can see a large group of CROCODILES milling about, talking among themselves. One of them spots you, and alerts the rest of the group. They begin to encircle you, slowly surrounding your group.

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>Dirk: Time travel scene!

You find yourself standing on the ruins of the collapsed tower, thankfully appearifying much closer to the ground.

You notice a lone IGUANA excavating the rubble.

Also, completed poem here:

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>GMFaU: Which parts, exactly? There's quite a bit there.

>Rich: Flail UNCLE'S P90 about in an intimidating manner.

They don't seem particularly intimidated.

>GM: All of the parts. All of them.

>Connor: Be thinkin'

Your still hanging out with the turtles as they go back to their town.

But, you have been thinking. Thinking about Jack, Greg, Chas, and Blue. You don't know what to think. Was it even future you who told blue to contact you? Maybe it was, but if he did he has a plan. But, what plan?

>Future Connor: Well yes.

[You are future Connor?? What is going on??]

Oh, yeah, you're trying to get into contact with past Blue and current or so Red. You do, in fact, have a plan. You often have plans for things at this point in time, a Bard of Mind, while may still live in the moment in improvisation like any musician, will still know what to expect in the future, or, in this case, your past.

You point in the Trolls camera position and wave your arms about like an insane person. You find this silly plan should make some effect.

>CG: Explain yourself!

I got all this worked out, don't worry. You'll see what I'm up too. Oh yeah, don't put me back at the town just yet cool guy! I'm gonna quickly finish out this future me stuff and then I'll go back to the current me at the town. Hope it's all cool and stuff!

>Greg:Eye information

You follow after the Queen as she steps forward to examine the information Jack just sent.She seems uneasy about this,not that you blame her,but she agrees to do as Jack asks.

You cast your eye toward the info on the screen and you feel the same sense of uneasy that the Queen seems to feel.While you are very much planning to give your all to this plan,you don't trust Jack in the slightest.Someone who stabs your friends and/or kills them doesn't rate very high on the TRUST meter.Which is totally a thing...in your mind.

You just close your eyes and half listen to the Queen and Jack.So much to do and so little time.You wonder if your friends are having as much fun as you are right now.

>Dirk: Uh oh

This is probably one of the IGUANAS past YOU met. You decide it's not worth messing up the TIMELINE to talk to him, and try to slip into the RUINS unnoticed. You use your HASTE ability to give yourself a better chance at getting by fast enough not to be seen.

>Rich: The CROCODILES are incredibly intimidated by your rampant flailing. They're so intimidated that they swarm you, pinning you down with their sheer numbers.

One of them emerges from the rest of the pack, and begins talking to you.

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>Connor: Okay, you're still walking along.

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>Greg: Your GUY WITH SEVERAL METER meter increases by a point. Yay.

WQ and Jack end their call. The Third Wall rises back up towards the ceiling, and WQ prepares to go make the arrangements for the plan.

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>Dirk: You manage to evade the IGUANA's sight, and get a fair distance away from the collapsed tower.

>Future Connor: Get Trolled.

Pase One compete. Now that the little Pardox is sorted out, as if there is the one thing you understand about time is Pardoxes. Now seeing how that is done, you better get on with your plan. You'll continue the plan later on in the narrative, but now, you got stuff to do.

>Connor: Get bored.

You attempt to pester Greg.

>Benndak: Expend work-o-mete-

NO. Fuck this. I don't have time for this kind of lollygagging when I've missed a whole goddamn week of Sburb happenings! I need to get back into the stride of things. Look at how far you miserable bastards have fallen without me to keep you in line as your glorio-

Oh. Huh. Actually you guys have progressed pretty well. In fact there's a...there's a pretty nice poem. Pretty sweet work, Pappy. I'll just...I'll just slowly sulk into a corner, then.

>Chas: Cease lollygagging.

As if you, the mighty CHAS ALDER, would ever lollygag! It seems you've just reached LEVEL 32 on your ECHELADDER, propelling you higher than surely anyone else in history. Except for Dirk, he's the same level as you last time you checked. Damn.

You have a bit of a VICTORIOUS MOMENT with FUTUREDIRK, then look around for exits.

>Greg:Get hit by ramifications

You open your eyes as the Queen ends the call with Jack.You reflect on that last few minutes when it hits you....

Holy Crap!Why did you just do that?!?!You could have very well made things worse?!?!Why...how...huh...what...what...why?!?!

You start apologizing profusely to the White Queen,but it all seems to come out as one giant mess as you are currently having a massive freak out.

Why did you do that?!?!What made you want to do that?!?!You shouldn't have done that?!?!You should have.......?!?!

>Greg:Flip the fuck out over the possible ramifications of your actions

Currently working on that chief.

>Connor: You manage to avert a time paradox. That's probably a good thing.

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>Chas: Well, it's about time. Good to know that you're not dead or something.

Anyway, there's a door heading NORTH. Since the only other exit is the way you came, the GM assumes you head NORTH.

You find yourselves facing a large door heading EAST, with a keyhole that looks like the BOSS KEY will fit in it.

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>Greg: Really? Really?

WQ seems a bit off-put by your sudden freak-out, and tries to calm you down. She points out that they haven't done anything yet; the mission can still be called off quite easily.

>Greg:Calm down

You can't calm down your currently freaking...

You snap out of it when you hear the White Queen tell to calm down.You just stand there for a second,blinking absent mindlessly.Then your little "episode" hits you.You feel really hot all of a sudden,which clicks in your head as being from embarrassment.

You bow and dip your head low in shame,apologizing to the White Queen for your actions.You have no idea what came over you.

>Chas: Unlock BSOS DOOR.

You really need to stop with these obscure running jokes. But addiction is a powerful thing.

>Rich: Conversate.

>Rich: Search for exit.

Your business concluded, at least for now, you begin scouring for exits. You're already pretty far behind your fellow players, and you should really stop wasting so much time. Besides, you've got to escort these slippery little buggers back to the surface!

>Waffles: Call it
Pappy, posing himself as the GodMonster, will descend in a Lord English fashi-Oh, pardon me Limagerd English fashion, looking for the souls of Avouleance and Senorcromas and fuck shit up!

I think.


Xavier: Your thoughts?
"Grab his arm, grab his arm, grab his arm, grab his arm, grab his arm, grab his arm-", you are to dedicated at the moment to succumb to theories of fools who don't even exist to you.

>Xavier: Grab his arm
You do so. You struggle for a second, then you get a grip.

>Xavier: Say and do something awesome
Why are you hitting yourself!?, you yell, before you slam the WYVERNS fist into his own FACE.

>Greg: WQ asks if you're quite certain you're alright; that was a very strange outburst. Are you not feeling well, are you sick perhaps?

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>Chas: Never stop with the running gags. It makes us all remember the cringe-worthy puns and painful jokes that we all wish we could forget.

You hear a loud click as the door unlocks. However, it fails to swing open. You see a brightly flashing, kind of spiraly symbol appear on the door, and hear a loud, obnoxious beeping.

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>Rich: The CROCODILE you spoke to offers to guide you out of the caverns, so long as you promise not to tell any of the other Consorts about them. He mentions that the caves can be quite lethal without a guide.

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>Waffles: While I might descend into the game at some point, it's not to go after Avouleance and Senorcromas. There's another pair of players out there who aren't in the game.

I will most likely fuck some shit up though, if I ever do choose to enter the game. Just not sure whose shit will be getting fucked up.

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>Xavier: While normally there's no way that should have worked, I'm still laughing from your comment about me and Lord English. Lucky you.

The WYVERN is pumped full of electricity from its own fist. Although it's still alive, its movements are extremely hampered and sporadic, mostly just random twitches. You've got a golden opportunity to deal some real damage before it recovers.

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>Dirk: Time travel shenanigans happen now!

Well, that was an eventful 40 or so hours. You did some more information hunting, fought some Underlings, and were generally just being an awesome Hero of Time. Good job.

You're now a level 45 Katana Nutcase, and have amassed a grand total of 500 Boonbucks. You should probably hit the store soon, all that cash is burning a hole in your PORKHOLLOW!

But, more importantly, you learned a lot about a rather interesting subject, the God-Tiers. From what you can tell, when a player reaches the top of their Echeladder, they are given the chance to ascend above the levels, and fully realize their powers as the Blank of Blank. They become incredibly strong, have insanely powerful abilities, and apparently can only be slain in battle.

You've also discovered that the ascension is somehow linked to an object called a Quest-Bed. Apparently there's one on each Land, for use by that Land's Hero. You've managed to find the location of LoLaR's Quest-Bed, but still aren't sure how you're supposed to use it. Probably involves sleeping, but that can't be all it takes, right?

Anyway, you're all caught-up with everyone else in the timestream, and have made your way back to the Obelisk just after you left, reuniting with Snake-Eyes.

What will you do?

>Chas: Be present Chas.

You're...already Chas. That's kind of a dumb command!

And as it happens, you're too pissed to deal with these dumb commands! This stupid gogdamn door won't budge. Not even with all the LASER KICKS you're throwing at it. That stupid gogdamn symbol just keeps flashing and that obnoxious gogdamn alarm keeps blaring. Surely SOMEBODY knows what this means!

You flail your arms wildly at FUTUREDIRK, too furious to form words.

>GM and Chas: The gags will never stop, the gags will never stop.

>Rich: Happily accept assistance of consort.

Of course. But there's still one little detail that needs to be taken care of.

>Rich: Ask what to do about your alleged companions.

They're shifty ones. You don't know if the rebels are going to want these guys spreading rumors about the MINE's hidden base!

>Greg:Return to a state of calm

You take a deep breath,your CALM meter returning to normal,then you look over to the Queen.You apologize to the White Queen again for you little episode.You point out that you remember reading somewhere that some people act different when they are put on the spot.You weren't expecting Jack to do that,but on reflection you probably should have.You're just a kid who reads alot,not someone used to all of this.

You tell her you will try not to make it a habit in the future.

You motion to the Third Wall and ask where do you two go from here.You tell her you still want to help Prospit in anyway you can.

>Chas: You manage to flail your arms without poking someone's eye out. The door still refuses to open.

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>Rich: You find that your shifty companions have already been assimilated into the ranks of the rebellion. They're currently picking out names now.

The CROCODILE leads you on an incredibly twisting path through the caverns, eventually re-emerging onto the surface about a mile away from the mine's entrance. He then heads back underground, leaving you all alone.

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>Greg: WQ assures you that you're doing fine, and will do fine in the future. You're a Hero for a reason; you have the potential to be amazing.

However, there's not a whole lot else to be done on Prospit now. You're free to explore the planet, of course, but quests will be hard to find.

>Rich: Second-guess.

You should have taken one of the rebels with you, given him a fitting name, and used him as your plucky sidekick with a strong tendency towards naivety but ample provisions of heartwarming optimism!

"Hindsight is a bitch." - Greek Classical poet, William Howard Taft

>Rich: Equip CHAMPION'S BULLETBOOM.

Tonight, you're gonna have yourself a real good time.

>Rich: Recollect.

You seem to recall that somewhere nearby is a road leading to the next big outpost - or at least, you assume it does. In fact, you probably should have followed that road from the start. You're reasonably sure your architectural and explorational shenanigans have accomplished nothing whatsoever.

>Rich: Engage JETPACK, follow road.

You have...LIFDOFF.

>Greg:Decide next move

You nod to the Queen.You disagree on the Hero part,but you decide to keep that to yourself.

You remember to forewarn the Queen that one of the Princes of Prospit,Chas being his name,is a little power crazed right now and may not be in his right state of mind when he gets here.You tell her it would be wise to take his words with a grain of salt if he starts acting a bit..much.You tell her that you have also left a note with Rich,the third Prince,to seek out the Queen when he awakes.

You also ask the Queen if she knows where LS is.You figure you might as well visit him and see how he is doing.Its the least you can do since you nearly got the poor guy killed.

>STABTECH LVL 24: X MARKS THE SPOT
Mustering all the VIM and VIGOR, you rush toward the WYVERN, TCM-D and STARLIGHT SHIV armed, and deliver GASH in his armor in a X-form.

But, what's this? You flip your knives and deliver ANOTHER SLASH to his armor IN THE SAME FORM!?

You, young man, are truly a DELIVERYMAN OF SLASH, like if UPS had a fucking KILLING SERVICE, you'd be Grade-A #1 Employee of the Month, 6 years running, and you had only worked there for like 3 days. Just pullin' up in your pimp out delivery truck, bitches following in tow, you knock on a motherfuckers' door, he opens and says, "Uh, I didn't order any stabs today.", and you'd be like "Oh, well shit, there might've been a mix up at the office.", and STAB THAT MOTHERFUCKER ANYWAY. Bitches swooning from the blood spillage, begging you to be there baby daddy, you'd be like "Fuck that shit!", and jump into your aforementioned pimped out truck and ride off into the fucking sunset!

So, yeah, you attempt to attack the WYVERN.

>MetroidNut: Invent UPSstuck.

This clearly needs to be a thing.

>Waffles: Co-sign with that shit
I am 100% behind that shit.

>Rich: As you LIFDOFF, you find yourself wracked with regret over not getting a Consort-companion. I mean, it would have been so awesome, so easy. Just had to make friends with one of them, and convince them to come on adventures with you. How hard would that have been?

As you jetpack down the road, slowly filling up with depression, you note a pair of robotic legs sticking out from under a rock-slide. Of glass rocks. Yep, there's totally such a thing.

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>Greg: Apparently LS is currently in the Prospitian Library, one of the world's best-known features. A guide comes along to show you to the building, assuming of course that you want to walk. Flying is always an option; the building is fairly easy to find and recognize.

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>Xavier: Your blades slice through the armor, releasing a dramatic spray of emerald blood as you cut through the WYVERN's flesh.

However, you suddenly find yourself punched in the face as you deliver the second set of blows. Apparently your enemy has recovered. Spreading its wings, the WYVERN begins flying around the ceiling of the chamber, about 10 feet above you. Its fists begin charging more electricity...

>Rich: Be the hero.

Well, "hero" might be a bit strong, but okay!

You STRONG-LAND next to the protruding legs, and quickly set to work attempting to free the CROCODILE from his glass-rocky prison!

>Greg:Accept Guide's offer

Well,he is already here and it would be rude to turn him away now.You bow to the White Queen,telling her that you wait until the next time your paths cross,then follow behind the guide.Sure,you could have flown,but you like to see Prospit from the ground as well.

>Xavier: Strategies
Let's see, flying, electric charges, he's close to the ceiling, boots? No, that'd cause a cave-in most likely harming me and C-Diddy. Knife throw? Yeah, sounds good, exposed flesh. I'll get some space between use first.

>Xavier: Get some space
You backstep to the door, and throw the TCM-D at the WYERN'S exposed flesh.

>Chas: Turn to consort-companion for advice.

You deploy Ace Tailspin. If there's anyone you can count on, it's TEAM ALDER. And TEAM ALDIRK, but you're pretty sure this is much more of a job for a dedicated group of hard-boiled, no-nonsense sleuths! And Ace, with his comically oversized robes, is about as hard-boiled as it gets.

Man, it's just so great to have a Consort-companion! You mean, it's just so awesome (not to mention easy). You made friends with him, and convinced him to come on adventures with you. Wasn't even hard! And look at him now, sleuthing the shit out of this locked door.

Surely this is advancing your journey somehow.

>Future Dirk: Slip away

5 minutes in the past...

You decide that, for the moment, CHAS is fine handling things on his own. You duck around a corner to message ALPHA-YOU to see what he is up to--oh. It appears he is currently NOT EXISTANT AT THIS TIME. Finding this odd, you decide to TIME TRAVEL back a few hours and check on him then. You open up your PESTERCHUM to find, to your surprise, two STABSSALESMEN. Before you can contact him, one of them contacts you.

>Future Dirk: Decide what to do

Well, this might be BAD. By the sound of it, ALPHA-YOU isn't half as filled in as he thinks on the GOD TIERS. That's going to lead to mistakes later on. The same mistakes you made. Lucky for you, you have a PLAN. You start waving your arms, the letters "UA" formed by your hands.

>Dirk: Think of where to go.

You decide you should head back to the IGUANA VILLAGE to spend your new-found RICHES.

CJ1145:
...You start waving your arms, the letters "UA" formed by your hands.

...

>UA: Be available

>CJ: Return after being out at Starbucks for 5 hours

You do so.

>GM: Finally be done with essay that's been plaguing you all week.

Yep, got that taken care of.

>Make a freaking post!

Working on it.

>Rich: After digging for a few minutes, you unearth a rather battered CLOCKWORK CROCODILE. His metallic body is covered with scars and dents, and his eyes are strangely askew. He also appears to have forgotten how to speak. He does, however, begin hugging you, and makes several happy sounding noises.

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>Greg: Your guide leads you out of the Palace, and walks through the brightly shining streets of Prospit. As you move about, you're struck by just how beautiful this place is; everything is clean and shiny, the people all get along, there are a lot of statues of frogs everywhere, the sky is clear... it's just awesome.

Eventually, you make it to the Prospitian Library, a massive building. Stepping inside, you are greeted by ranks upon ranks of bookshelves, each easily a hundred yards tall. You could read here for the rest of your life, and barely make a dent in all these books.

However, the guide cautions you from venturing into the maze of shelves; apparently its quite easy to get lost in here. He scurries off to go find LS, leaving you near the information desk.

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> Xavier: Your blade almost connects with the WYVERN, but it manages to knock the TCM-D aside at the last second. In retaliation, it hurls a bolt of lightning towards you, striking you in the chest.

Although you feel the pain of electricity ripping through your body, you seem to be in strangely good shape. Your still able to move perfectly fine, and don't appear to be stunned at all.

HEALTH VIAL: 82%

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>Chas: Instead of sleuthing out the door, Ace hijacks your jetpack and begins soaring around the chamber, shouting out happily as he does so. You get the impression that this isn't advancing your journey somehow.

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>FutureDirk: You flail your arms.

>Dirk: You make your way back to the CAMP, and check out the BAZAAR. It's still got all of its old stock, but has apparently added a few more items as well.

OCTET OF BLADES. TIME AND SPACE. 10 BOONBUCKS.
SERENADE OF LIFE. TIME AND LIFE. 10 BOONBUCKS.
HYMN OF FORESIGHT. TIME AND MIND. 10 BOONBUCKS.
GALLIARD SLASH. TIME AND HOPE. 10 BOONBUCKS.

TIMELESS CAVATINA. 25 BOONBUCKS.
OSTINATO STRIKE. 25 BOONBUCKS.
ETUDE SUMMON. 25 BOONBUCKS.

>Rich: Hug him back.

<3

>Rich: Attempt to enlist him.

You're just going to assume he goes along with you.

>Rich: Assuming he goes along with you, name him.

In this exciting, possibly-alternate timeline, you come to the conclusion that you must name him at once!

>Dash Overcoat

That name is already taken!

>Ace the Bat-Hound

Funny guy, eh?

>Sheriff Quickdraw.

You possibly name him Sheriff Quickdraw. You go ahead and give him your SONIC BULLETBOOM in this possibly-alternate timeline.

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