Mall Fight (ENDED: New One is on Forum Games)

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"I always wanted to play Perfect Dark."

"Tisk Tisk Tisk, you'll have to try harder than that."
Eric and Tox are then thrown into the air.

"What a bitch! Okay, MEGA FLARE!"

"Nope, try again." Nega Saber says as she respawns and stabs Eric 37 times in the chest. "Oh brother come out and play."

I come in riding a Humvee, "It's Team Paradox!"

I respawn and grab onto Nega Saber. "Now I remember you! You are the one that killed Nega Knife in the past canon! Well fuck you! This is a time of new beginnings! New quests and adventures! I'm not letting you lay a finger on him! Even if I have to kill myself to do it! GOODBYE EVERYONE!"

I quickly respawn. "Is she gone?"

"Don't bet your life on it." Nega Saber says, popping the tires on Waffles humvee, sending it crashing into Eric.

I respawn with a Spartan Laser. "Go to-"


"Aw, what the hell?!", I yell, I then jump out the Humvee and throw it at Nega Saber.


7000 GET

Holly shit, I didn't think I would do that. Man, my past half writer self is a insufferable prick.

Oh yeah?


I try to land-stab Nega Saber with my Legendary Katana.

I end up stabbed in the head.


Martin bursts in Real Tox' office.

"Hey, who is this-WHAT THE?!" (Real Tox)

"Give me your tech, your files, and your motorcycle." (Martin)

"Uhh..." (Real Tox)

Real Tox gets thrown out the window.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..." (Real Tox)

Martin looks around and sees a secret switch behind a painting of Gordon Freeman.

He activates the switch, which opens to a secret corridor leading to a secret pathway leading to a secret lab filled with secret tech and secret files.

"Looks secret." (Martin)

He checks the tech and sees one labeled "Mr. Universal Timeline (On loan from Spaceballs)".

"At least they label their machines." (Martin)

He turns it on, and it doesn't work.

"Oh, fucking malfunctioning machines!" (Martin)


AlexanderU wanders the oddly large basement.

"Stupid basements, they don't even bother cleaning them up. I should check out what the others are doing." (AlexanderU)

AlexanderU taps (Not that way, you idiot) into his subconscious mind, and sees Knife, Nega Knife and Saber running around, looking for the Respawn Matrix.

"Oh shit." (AlexanderU)



"Yes?" (Martin)

"We have a problem."

"Let me guess, Knife and his ragtag team of underdogs want to destroy the Respawn Matrix to get rid of Nega Saber?" (Martin)



"Don't lose your cool, dude! We can take care of them in time!"

"Actually, you're right. Do they even know where the Respawn Matrix is?" (Martin)

"Let me see...Yes."

"Shit." (Martin)

"They are destroying it. Right now."

"Double shit." (Martin)

"OH GODS! Nega Saber killed everyone! Oh gods, oh gods...oh gods, the blood... The corpses are everywhere...Oh gods...who could have done such a thing!? Oh gods, the mallanity! I... I... I'm sorry. Honest: I... I can hardly breathe. I... I'm going to step inside, where I cannot see it. Martin, this is terrible. Ah, ah... I can't. Listen, folks; I... I'm gonna have to stop for a minute because I've lost my voice. This is the worst thing I've ever witnessed."

"Listen, dude, I'm gonna check it out." (Martin)

Martin teleports on top of the Mall Fight Office Building, and sees nothing but ruins and decay.

"Well, I gotta say, Nega Saber gets the job done quickly." (Martin)

"Indeed." (Nega Saber)


>Weapon: Crowbar

Martin stabs Nega Saber in the head with a crowbar.


"..." (Martin)

He drops the crowbar and looks around.

"AlexanderU, you there? Who's still alive?" (Martin)

"Me, you, AlexanderG and Blackjack. The writers are M.I.A."

"This sucks." (Martin)

"What do we do now?"

"We sit down, and wait." (Martin)

They do just that, until the end of time.

This is Godhead Fridge talking to you right now.

This is quite a tragic and arbitrary ending to our heroes, indeed, but luckily, this timeline is now a doomed timeline.

Remember the pre-reboot? That timeline was preserved, but the main track was given to the doomed one.

To give you a simple idea of what happened in the pre-rebooted or Alpha Timeline, nothing happened, and everyone decided to leave.

Yes, that is pretty much what happened.

Real Tox would like to thank you all for making this thread last even longer than the second one.

I'm afraid I won't be able to make any credits. If you want any, check the end of Mall Fight 2.

See you in the next Mall Fight.



I sit typing at my computer, inside my small apartment. I am doing something I have been planing with Real Tox for about 30 pages now. It's finally pulled itself together. I get ready to press enter to launch the project and...

Knock Knock Knock.

...I should of seen that coming. I load the project and start the server.


"Oh, hello future me. Just setting up the new Mall Figh-"

SLAP "Cut the crap. Tell me what you plan on achieving with Real Tox by starting up this new site!"

"Why, what do you mean starting up? Why would I be starting it up, when it's already done?"

I missed the ending? Fucking a'.

Sorry I haven't been here in a few days. Finals and Christmas shopping continue to hold a grip on my soul.

But seriously now. That's it?

I sit up in my bed, naked. "I guess. I guess we use the new one now..."

Maddie pops out of the covers. "Cheer up, it'll be fun."



That's stupid.

Yeah, well, I'm just going with whatever they say.


This is stupid.


"And That, LaDys And GenTalMen, Is How You End A Thread."

"SerIOusLy Though, Tox, That'S Just DisGraceFul To The PreViOus EndIngs That Have Come BeFOre, We Could Have Had An EpIc Fight, With EpIC BaTtle MuSic, But Nooooo, You Have To Go And Be All AnTi CliMacTic." Jack says, slapping Real Tox, then absconding back to the Land Of Rainbows And Ultraviolence.

We're still posting, so technically this thread isn't over yet.

Screw you, Jack, you told me about the idea of the new timeline being a doomed one!

And besides, this thing has went on for 201 pages.

And besides besides, it's better if we end this thread right now, because there's still the off-chance that people are just gonna come across this thread and think: "Oh hey! This looks fun!"

You should probably put in the thread title that it's over.

Done. And now, for a suitable Epilogue X3 Combo.


I burst into the wrecked Mall.

"Alright, bitches, time to..." (Me)

I see a paper on the door, saying:

"brb, moving to new forum"

"Oh, well." (Me)

I start rearranging the store, re-building walls and exterminating NPC's, and after all that is done, I exit the Mall, but not before playing this on the P.A.

In the words of a wise man quoting a wiser man...


"In the words of a wise man;

Sam G:
And thus, it died...
We had some good times in this thread, but those times are gone...
Still, like the players, Mall Fight has already respawned... So, not much point even posting here anymore, is there?
Are you sure you wish to delete "Mall Fight!" from your bookmarks?
Yes. Yes I am.

Goodbye, old friend."

Sayonara, Mall Fight 3.

Goddammit, no one tells me about this shit.

and holy_Hotdog was left out......again!


W.V.: "Shit. Now what do we do?"

Sister: "I'm ready to go as soon as this fucker wakes up."

βRaN: "I hope it's soon. I can't stay here for too long."

Sister: "Why not?"

βRaN: "Doc told me some cataclysmic event was gonna happen soon."

W.V.: "You mean we're stuck in a doomed timeline."

βRaN: "Pretty much, yeah."

W.V.: "Dammit."

Sister: "Oh great. That's just great."

Animus: "Hello there."

Sister: "Oh hey. Sup."

Animus: "Nothing much."

W.V.: "Wait. Who's this douchebag?"

Animus: "I don't have much time to explain. Suffice to say, a cataclysmic event has just occurred, the details of which I know not of."

βRaN: "I told you guys."

W.V.: "Oh God."

βRaN: "I told you about cataclysm."

Sister: "Great. Got any bright ideas on how to get out of here?"

Animus: "Of course."

The King animus snaps his fingers, summoning a TARDIS. Ramirez opens the door.

Animus: "There's just one thing. I must stay behind. With him."

W.V.: "Works for me. I've had enough of this WEIRD PLOT SHIT."

W.V. steps inside the Tardis.

βRaN: "You sure we have to leave you here?"

Animus: "Trust me. It's for the best."

βRaN: "Oh, okay. Goodbye, I guess."

Sister: "See you."

Animus: "Until we meet again."

βRaN and Sister step inside. The TARDIS disappears as soon as the doors shut.

The Animus jumps back inside my head. As time and space collapse all around me, I continue to sleep.



Password Accepted!
Processing Battle Area...
Forcing NPC's to create a rock band...

"I have my rights to refuse this!" (Jim)

Locking down Space Inventory...
Unlocking Forge of Virtue...
Unsolidifying Stransmolecular Universality Structure...
Respawning Players and NPC's to Alpha Timeline...

We reappear in the Alpha Timeline.

"Whew, I thought that Nega bitch killed me! Also, why is everyone here?" (Me)

Upgrading Dark Forceuser...

A shadow rises over the Mall...

SECRET BOSS BATTLE: Actually Challenging Dark Forceuser


I post on this thread from the other timeline and say "What are you people doing here!?!?"

"Well, we are-" (Me)

I get crushed by an aircraft carrier.

And everyone died.


The novel was better.

"-and you're sure me going here in this point in time will take me to RaN's Mall Fight?" says me, Connor T. Lonske.
yes, it will. also you don't have to say things out loud when you can easily narrate it
"Heh, whatever." I pause, "So if I use this time travel drive, I"ll end up on the timeline?"
what do you fucking think
...just get out of here.
I watch as Anon steps back away from me. I take a deep breath and activate my time traveling teleportation device/drive. It looks something from Doctor Who that I'm too lazy to find a video for. I wish this was a visual medium. Anywa-
...ok, he's gone. back to the mall fight forums. also i teleport off too or something.

"... Now the game begins."


"What's up guys? Sorry I was late, decided to take a snooze in the haberdasher-"


ahahahahahahahhhahahahahahahhahahahahahah, you SLEPT TOO LLONG YOU FAT NASTY TRASH.

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