Alternian Shennanigans

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>Gallos:Plan next move

You stop a short distance from the rest of your "team" and slink into the shadows.They seem to be fighting something,though its hard to make out what it is as they are making a lovely door.

Should you help them or not?On the one hand,if you leave them the teal blood will be dead and you won't have to worry about him ever again.Sure,the others will die as well of course.On the other hand the others will die and Ambare will probably be very angry with you.And you don't really have any hard feelings toward Librus.The others you don't really care about.But again..Ambare would be mad...hmm..

You sigh to yourself.Things were so easy when you were just a simple psychopath.

You move through the shadows toward the others.Might as well not lose the element of surprise.You may be a crazy highblood at times and a little bloodthirsty..but you aren't totally stupid.

>Horkos: Go for the leader
SPRINT BOOST: 2
You sprint past COMRADES, THUGS, AND CRABS alike, all the while getting by VARIOUS OBJECTS.

>Horkos: Battle cry
AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Your howl reverberates throughout the building. Covering every nook and cranny in your sound. It is a sound of justice. It is a sound of incoming retribution for foolish trolls drowning in there own sin. It surrounds them at the moment the scoff at the jurisdiction of the His Honorable Tyranny, cursing the path of righteousness, forsaking all that is good. Fools tries to run as they hearken to its magnificence, needless to say, it is a fruitless effort, where shall they run where sound cannot follow? It strikes fear into their hearts. It cannot be stop, its reach is infinite. It is the Vast Howl.

In actuality, somebody stabbed you and you're just crying out in pain, but it was the Vast Howl, people would know.

>Horkos: Just hit the leader already
You jump high into the air, above the leader.
TO HIT: 17
DAMAGE: 20
You deliver THE MOST RIGHTEOUS OF RIGHTEOUS BLOWS to the leader's head.

Enemy Leader: Succumb to Righteous Blow

The hit snaps your head back... and that's about it. It knocks off your hat, and you taste a little blood from a split lip, but that's the best this shit's getting.
MY TURN!
You quickly grab that small shit by the leg and quickly swing him into the nearest wall effortlessly.
You then start making your point eloquently, making each point punctuated with smashing his face into the concrete.
YOU. FUCKED. WITH ME. ON THE WRONG. DAY! Do you have any idea who we are? Do you have any idea what you just brought down on your heads?

Everyone needs a stress relief, and yours just happens to be making fucking wrigglers writhe in pain. Hey, everyone's got their little idiosyncrasies.

>Horkos: Be in pain
You really don't have a choice in the matter!

>Horkos: Bled
You don't have for that either!

>Be the Wriggler
Mustering all the STRENGH you can, you WRIGGLE out The Leader's grasp.

>Horkos: Stand
It takes a little more STRENGTH that you didn't know you had, but you suffice.

>Strife!
TO HIT: 18/ 13
DAMAGE: 6/9

You deliver two hits to the Leader's face.

>Vandin: Be useless.

You really wish you had a less-shitty FETCH MODUS. Then maybe you could have brought more than one EXTRA MAGAZINE! But you do not, and Horkos is in danger. Looks like you'll have to improvise.

>Vandin: Scream "copper".

A ROCK is ejected from your sylladex. It flies toward the Enemy Leader!

>Stupid GM: ONLY NOW NOTICE CJ'S POST OH GOD

yeah, ju2t through that door there

You point as you reach the top of the staircase you both had trouble to climb.

Leader: Block Hits, get Rocked

You easily block off the blows from the weak troll who managed to squirm out of your grip with back of your arm.
Please, you don't even- your words are cut off as a rock hits you between the shoulders. You take a deep breath, who the fuck throws rocks?
Half turning you take a shot at it's origin, hearing a yelp of pain you register that as a hit and return to the task of stomping this little bastard.

Random Grunt: Intercept Bullet

How's this for shitty luck? You're about to smash someones skull in when you get shot in the leg from behind. Stumbling down you take a random blind side-hand smack at the nearest troll, who happens to be the one who threw a rock a few seconds ago.

The Cycle of Pain Continues!

Tirnet: ... what the fuck have you been doing?
Well you HAVE been letting these events pass without comment, maybe one would call it ZONING OUT but you just call it a period of mediational withdrawal, and anyone who says otherwise you'll be sure to correct in your own special way.

But now, seeing as how these armed foes are trying to kill you; you have been forced to give a single flying fuck. Working your way to the front of the group you take out your sword and use it to block a swing coming down on one of the filth bloods, you push the blade back and deliver a kick to it's wielder, knocking him off balance and into one of his compatriots

What a surprise, when it comes time to act all you bbrine sucking bbottom feeders just stand around and gape like the dull eyed musclebbeasts you are

>Tassik: Get up and fucking do something.

You have been brooding your CARD-THROWING meter for what seems like eons. A whole week, even.

Now it comes to a head. You may not quite be able to charge like you used to...but you'll be damned if you can't throw an absurdly razor-sharp card at some fuckhole's face.

TO-HIT ROLL: 10
DAMAGE ROLL: 18

You muster your all your inherently lazy and perhaps somewhat injured strength, and wind up a throw that will be told of in song (not the good kind, though, the kind that some corporate washout band writes as an instrumental to fill up album time) for sweeps to come. Your card sails through the air towards the leader, knowing that any nearby grunts you could probably handle alongside Vandin.

>Nilvik: Keep up your attack

Yeah, maybe you shouldn't waste your time with the crab. That thing may take more than just you to bring down. Plus, one of the highbloods probably wants the glory of taking it down. These random grunts seem much more like your job. Killing them should do just fine.

TO HIT: 12
DAMAGE: 8

DEATHDIGGER one again proves its quality, delivering a solid blow. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to be a fatal blow. You manage to knock over one of the minions rushing at Vandin and the HEROIC Tassik who seems to have lost his special card-club-thing. Where did it get to?

>Brigat: Burst in like a goddamn boss

You move away from AMBARE. You're not about to walk in on this battle leanin' on a fuckin' RUSTBLOOD. You stare down the DOOR.

This is it, the big fuckin' moment.

Whoever is on the other side'a that door is about t' feel the wrath of a TROLL MAFIOSO.

Who's ready t' get rubbed out?

>Brigat: Oh--

--SHIT!!

You may or may not have just broken your hand. You ask for somebody to please open the DOOR for you.

>Librus: Open the door: Oh hey, sounds like someone's knocking at the door. You would probably get up to let them in, if it weren't for the facts that you're having trouble breathing, and that you're being assaulted by a group of morons unable to come up with a strategy other than "hit it until it's dead." And apparently most of your allies suffer from the same condition.

>Stop complaining, and resist urge to stab Tirnet in the leg. Oh, this guy again. Great. While he may have saved your life, his comments are pretty damn annoying. A bunch of dumb musclebeasts, huh? Let's show him what a lowblood is capable of.

You manage to force yourself to rise to your feet, warding off the clumsy blows flung your way by a variety of enemies with a small amount of difficulty. Taking a defensive stance, you continue blocking, while activating the one ability that no one else, regardless of blood color or class, is able to emulate. Past Sight.

Research Check: 17

>Be amazed at the utter incompetence of your foes. Wow. These guys are dumb. Really, REALLY, dumb. Not just intellectually either, their fighting styles are simply barbaric. Literally all they can do is swing at a target. Well, makes your job easier, you suppose.

You keep fighting.

To hit: 17

And apparently, you're doing fine.

>Vandin: Execute strategic regrouping.

You run away. One bullet won't save you from a horde of attackers, and you'd rather not throw your POSSIBLY SENTIENT LAPTOP for a veritable cornucopia of reasons. You guess you could try to smack one with the barrel of your ASSAULT RIFLE, but you don't really think you have the STRONGNESS to pull it off.

>Vandin: Cower behind nearest teammate.

On one hand, you absolutely hate having to cower behind Tassik.

On the other hand, you absolutely love getting to use Tassik as a meatshield.

>MetroidNut: Poke forums.

>FINE, BE THAT WAY

Your attacks all envelop the leader, and he is eventually killed by any of the hits that struck him.

Unfortunately, all those that focussed on the guy in the back not really directing anything now get hits from the goons all around you, seeing as this is a brawl and not a load bearing boss.

How about those that decided to go after the henchmen? Boy, they be some good ol' cleverclogs aren't they?

>Post: Sound bitter, even though the GM isn't

Yessir

>Vandin: Assume your rock dealt the fatal blow.

Is there any other possibility?

>Vandin: Continue cowering behind Tassik.

In retrospect, using Tassik as a meatshield was an excellent idea. He's distracting (by which you mean "absorbing punches from") most of the minions who would otherwise be targeting you! And you were lucky enough to end up being shielded by the one member of the party you don't care about.

Unfortunately, since you're being attacked from all sides, a small number of minions have indeed noticed you. They begin attacking!

>Vandin: Flail assault rifle.

You attempt to smack the nearest one with the barrel of your ASSAULT RIFLE! You land the hit - barely. Knowing you have only seconds to protect yourself from the other foe, you wheel around to deliver a powerful second swing!

Unfortunately, thanks to your low STRONGNESS, you lose control of your blunt instrument, and succeed in hitting Tassik in his side, instead. Oops.

>Tassik: Lament.

You're almost entirely sure there's a better word for this.

>Tassik: Bitch.

There we go. Not only did you just launch your legendary weapon and best chance of surviving this encounter into the face of an enemy across the room, but you're also limping far too slowly to actually go get it back. And the only thing you've got on hand is a varied collection of club-shaped whittled sticks. And that asshole VANDIN just smacked you in the back, knocking you into a couple of grunts.

Alright, then. Time to perform what might be referred to by some pink, fleshy, primitive race's most prominent cheesy action movie stars as 'the tango.' On ALTERNIA, it's called CLUBBING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU DIME-A-DOZEN FUCKS.

To-hit: 15
Damage: 3

Suddenly you remember you're fighting with sticks. Whoops.

>Gallos:Do something useful

You could do that..but you think you will stay where you are for right now.Sure..you could charge in there and attack..but what will that get you?And they seem to be doing fine by themselves.

Although..you are starting to get bored.And have the desire to stab something...hmm

Your ears perk up when you hear what sounds like someone hitting a DOOR.Followed by cursing.Idiot.You don't punch or kick a DOOR.You charge with your shoulder leading.Stupid wigglers.

You guess you should deal with that while the others provide a good distraction.Granted..you have never been one for stealth..but sometimes exceptions are made.

Stealth/Sneak Check:16

You creep past most of the fighting through a side passage and find the DOOR easily.It helps that the person on the other end is cursing up a storm,so finding it wasn't hard.

You open the DOOR as quietly as you can..or as possible as YOU can...and find...the wounded purple."Oh goody.Here I was hoping for someone useful."

>Brigat: Get in the action.

"Shut the fuck up and get out of my way."

Your hand pushes your semi-nemesis of a fellow PURPLEBLOOD as hard as you can in the chest as you walk past him. Granted, in your currently weakened state you don't really do anything but make him lean back a bit, but it was more about the act itself than its effect. You limp down the HALL on your own, back into room where most of the fighting is taking place, and realize this is quite the BATTLE ROYALE you've found yourself in. You draw your trusty TOMMY PISTOL and take aim at two thugs attacking TASSIK... and TASSIK. Well, you suppose you're not really AIMING at him, but you certainly won't shed a tear if he gets hit in the crossfire.

TRIPLE SHOT
Roll: 18, 8, 15
Damage Roll(d6): 3, 4

You suppose he got LUCKY this time.

>Be the indigo blooded, justice obsessed, action flick watching, guitar wielding troll in a tattered suit, but still fresh as hell, named Horkos Corteccia
You are him.

>Horkos: Laugh at the fact your Kismesis got hit
BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAAA!!!
Done.

>Horkos: Get serious, and beat the shit out of the trolls surrounding your science-y comrade whose name escapes you at the moment
To hit: 12
Damage: 2

You deliver RIGHTEOUS BLOWS ALL AROUND to the group surrounding your COMRADE, even though they are WARNING BLOWS and aren't that harmful.

>Nilvik: Continue your counter assault

You decide that hitting each enemy one at a time is getting you nowhere. At least nowhere fast. If you really want to help turn the tide you need to attack several at once. DEATHDIGGER generally doesn't lend itself well to attacking multiple enemies, but you manage to think up a brilliant plan. You jump into the middle of a group of enemies and swing your weapon around, hopefully taking out a whole bunch of foes at once.

>Nilvik: Pull off your clever attack

TO HIT: 2, 17, 1, 17

You fail to pull it off. While you manage to hit one enemy pretty well, your blow to another causes DEATHDIGGER to be ripped from your hands while you continue to spin in place. When you finally stop, now rather dizzy, you find yourself surrounded by angry enemies and without your precious shovel.

er... that went badly...

>Vandin: Continue flailing assault rifle.

You look incredibly silly!

>Vandin: Try alternative strategy.

You still have one round in your ASSAULT RIFLE. Obviously, that's not enough to be very useful in this fight. But it might be enough to threaten one of your enemies!

>Vandin: Level assault rifle at nearest unoccupied minion.

You apply your weapon's muzzle to his forehead and suggest he BACK THE FUCK OFF.

>Librus: Continue being annoyed. You know what? Tonight sucked. Your Morail almost killed one of your best friends, a guy jumped off a cliff and landed on you, you've been attacked by a swarm of spiders, terracotta beasts, and various other enemies, some asshole troll jumped you and broke a few of your ribs, apparently you're even more insane than you thought you were, and now you're being swarmed by a bunch of INCOMPETENT BARBARIANS.

You're fairly pissed off right now. Now, if you were someone else, you might manifest that rage in a particularly strong attack, or shout some battle-cry or something. As it is, neither of those things really suit you. So, let's just continue what you're doing, and stab some fuckers in the throat.

Attack: 13
Damage: 1

Huh. Looks like you're losing your edge.

You manage to hit your enemies, but barely scratch them. And, you're seriously running low on oxygen; fighting with busted ribs was not a good idea. You've got maybe one or two more swings in you.

>MetroidNut: Correct Pappytech.

Looks like you're losing your...edge.

http://mirrors.rit.edu/instantCSI/

>Pappytech: Take away Sheriff Quickdraw.

Yeah, no consort companion for you.

>Benndak: Support retraction.

YEAH FUCK YOU I DID CONSORT COMPANIONS FIRST I MADE IT COOL

Technically you did Underling Companions first.

And I perfected it.

Look, I'm gonna give this one to CJ on the whole underling companion thing. I wrote Dash a tearful goodbye worthy of some sort of Pulitzer prize and his successful mayorship is totally a Chekhov's Gun, but Snake Eyes has got armor and everything.

That said, Ace Tailspin is the best and that's that.

Alright, here're the stats on the various Companions:

Wait, no. I'm not posting those here, go to Seinfeld.

>MetroidNut: Hijack thread.

DAMN

I'M TOO LATE

Cracked Ceiling: Succumb to Fiery Wrath of [information redacted] EVIL WIZARD

You're suddenly fragmented by the explosive force of [sic]EVIL WIZARD that was in the room above you. Fire rains down as a powerful psionic lowers herself from the room above on a pillar of flame.

Trollstappo: Lose your Shit

In a sudden loud clamor you all realize something, your leader has been killed through some serendipitous means and now your[sic]POWERFUL GUEST AND TENANT is loose, and you don't like the looks of-

A good deal of you were just reduced to ash and charcoal. The rest of you take this moment to beat it as fire begins to consume the control room.

EVIL WIZARD: SUCCUMB TO UNFATHOMABLE PYROMANIA

In your WILD MEGALOMANIAC RAGE you see a group of trolls that aren't running. You decide to engage them, seeing as you are in a completely right frame of mind for this to make such calls.

>Gallos:Contemplate killing wounded Purpleblood

As the wounded purpleblood walk away after pushing you aside..which you probably could have fought considering you are no doubt stronger then him,injured or not..you see that your moirail is standing on the other side of the door.

You give her a warm smile,which would probably be more terrifying to anyone who knew how you were normally,and are about to ask her how she is,when you hear a very loud BOOM.

You duck reflexively and yell over to Ambare to get out of here.You look into the ROOM where the others are but can't see a whole lot other then smoke and flame.

This night just keeps getting better and better.

>Vandin: Alter strategy.

You think you'll try aiming your gun at the SWAMP FIRE WIZARD instead.

You will also take a moment to note that magic is not real, and this is clearly in fact a FLAMING SCIENCE WIZARD.

>Vandin: Threaten.

>--[Uh}--
>--[I}--
>--[Uh}--

>Vandin: Stop. Now.

You tried.

>Brigat: More dakka

You apply some vigorously in the direction of the WIZARD OF FIERY SCIENCE.

>Librus: Just give up. And now the final boss shows up. Really. Really? You know what? You don't really care anymore.

|\Right. Screw this.\|

You hurl your BOOK OF THE END wizard-ward, before collapsing to the ground, exhausted.

To hit: 11
Damage: 4

Wonderful. You watch as your blade lops off the wizard's ear, and clatters to the ground.

>Wow. You suck; you know that right? Shut up. No one cares.

>I mean, seriously, you just totally missed that guy. The floating, flashing guy. He's not that hard of a target. I swear to Hades, if you do not stop talking, I will lobotomize myself.

>How? You don't have your sword anymore....Fuck.

>Hey, who wants to sing a song? I know a song that gets on everybody's nerve-strings, I know a song that gets on everybody's nerve-strings...

You begin weakly slamming your head against the floor beneath you.

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