Adventures at McBurger Planet: An Image-Based CYOA (On Hiatus Until We're Not)

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harness a passing flock of birds to your chair. fly.

get your phone out, use the parachute app

Contemplate life while you fall to your death. Or grow feather-like wings to fly away.

Update incoming!
Warning! Gif heavy!

Wargh exclamation points!

SomeBritishDude:
Say "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

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"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

You really wish that you could scream something more eloquent and puntastic than that. It's really hard to think of something when rushing towards the ground at terminal velocity.

Maybe "London Falling?"

No...that's terrible and completely irrelevant.

Oh right, careening towards certain doom. Gotta take care of that.

Captainguy42:
Find religion.

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Of course! You're certain that some sort of deity will come to your rescue in this sticky situation.

"SAVE ME JESUS!"

"SAVE ME MOSES!"

"SAVE ME BUDDAH!"

"SAVE ME XENU!"

"SAVE ME SANTA CHRIST!"

"SAVE ME DAVID BOWIE!"

Wait...if you do end up being miraculously saved, how will you figure out which one to devote your eternal allegiance to? That makes this entire exercise terrible and completely irreverent.

Dammit, back to the drawing board.

SkyeNeko:
harness a passing flock of birds to your chair. fly.

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You notice some of your fine feathered friends below you. An idea begins to form in your mind.

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You deploy the handy Bird Catching Tarp(TM) that is conveniently attached to your comfy seat. Now their flapping wings will be able to slow your descent.

Man, you're good at thinking on your feet. If they made great ideas illegal, you would get sentenced to life in prison for BEING A GENIUS!

Evil Smurf:
go and meet to the natives

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Wow, not a moment too soon on the bird power. It looks like you're about to drop in on one of your friendly neighbors in the north.

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Location: Villager Hut #0002, Middle-of-Nowhere Greenland
Date: December 21, 2012
Time: 6:12 PM

You have successfully made contact.

What do you do now?

take the now dead birds and offer them as a peace tribute. save one for dinner.

Kill the person next to you and take their clothes. After all, you'll want to be nice and warm during your stay in Greenland.

announce your name is Bond. James Bond

Lose your religion.

RaNDM G:
Lose your religion.

And declare yourself a god.

Ask for directions to the nearest hospital.

Plant the flag of your home country on Greenlands soil. That will show the natives who's boss.

Approach the woman, who's home you've appeared to have crashed into and repeat the words "How you Doin'?" In your best Joey Tribbiani voice.

Evil Smurf:
announce your name is Bond. James Bond

TheDarkEricDraven:
Ask for directions to the nearest hospital.

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You decide it would be a great idea to inquire about getting patched up under the best assumed identity ever.

"The name's Lazenby. George Lazenby. Could you direct me to the nearest infirmary so that I could procure some medication?"

Despite nailing your delivery, the owner of this hut is not giving up the answers. Seems as though he is annoyed that you interrupted his dinner.

SkyeNeko:
take the now dead birds and offer them as a peace tribute. save one for dinner.

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It would probably be best to make a friendship offering to the perturbed local. What better than to offer him one of your used birdies to help spice up his bland-looking stew?

As you retrieve the Bird Catching Tarp (TM), you begin to wonder how would be proper to address your future chum. Maybe the language barrier is further distancing you?

What language would a native Greenlander even speak? You assume it would be similar to Canadian...they're northern cousins, right?

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Hey, one of your fine feather friends is still alive and kicking! Isn't he so cute, eh?

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Oh look, there are more. Yay?

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You suddenly realize that there is some substance to the intense rumors of the immense destructive capabilities of enraged avians against structures.

Hide the swine.

RaNDM G:
Lose your religion.

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You don't lose your religion so much as you lose your shit entirely.

WHY DOESN'T ANYTHING EVER SEEM TO GO RIGHT? IS THERE SOME SORT OF DIVINE STORYTELLER WHO IS GETTING OFF ON YOUR CONSTANT STATE OF PAIN AND SUFFERING?

RatRace123:
Kill the person next to you and take their clothes. After all, you'll want to be nice and warm during your stay in Greenland.

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You suddenly have a lapse in judgment. Your good friend suddenly seems like a better enemy.

He seems to be responding similarly. Looks like you have a fight on your hands.

What do you do now, eh?

My, he looks rather devilish in that final panel.

Take off your shoe and throw at him, hopefully for massive damage.

Punch him in the snout.

Hit him with the flag you decided not to plant.

hurl insults at him pertaining to the girth and or the mental aptitude of his maternal parent

Fight him with a few of the spare birds you slipped into your pockets

Attempt to imitate your managers kung fu from earlier in the day. Kicked your ass pretty good after all.

Hadoken the native, it will assert yor authority while looking badass

Captainguy42:
Punch him in the snout.

Punch him in the soul

Headbutt him in the testicals.

TheDarkEricDraven:
Headbutt him in the testicals.

Testicalbutt him in the head.

Eat a gelatinous cube.

Captainguy42:
Punch him in the snout.

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You attempt to assert your dominance in the only way you know how.

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Your opponent is less than receptive.

Fragrance of Mtn Dew:
Attempt to imitate your managers kung fu from earlier in the day. Kicked your ass pretty good after all.

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There have been some upsides to all the punishment that you've taken today. For instance, you attempt to apply some managerial kung fu to the situation.

Geez, this guy is surprisingly good at hand-to-hand conflict.

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Oh yeah, he's far more proficient at combating beatings than constructing buildings.

TheDarkEricDraven:
Headbutt him in the testicals.

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This isn't going as well as you would have hoped. You decide to do whatever you need to do to turn the tide in your favor.

Ooh...there's a good chance that this is the most dickish thing you've ever done.

SomeBritishDude:
Testicalbutt him in the head.

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You spoke too soon.

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This is DEFINITELY the most dickish thing you've ever done.

SkyeNeko:
hurl insults at him pertaining to the girth and or the mental aptitude of his maternal parent

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You've never seen anyone fly away from you that quickly. Not even your "girlfriend" after you tried something similar.

Time to dish out the insults now that you've claimed the ultimate victory.

"Daaaaaamn son. You so fat I bet you can smell bacon frying in Canada. And yo mamma so dumb she tried to alphabetize the M&M's before she shoved them in yo giant eating hole."

Oh yeah. Nailed it.

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Uhh...wait...these guys don't look too happy. What's their problem? Didn't they have enough maple syrup for their waffles this morning?

Looks like once again your celebration has come prematurely.

Story of your life.

What do you do now?

Coincidentally, the close-up crotch-shot is the 100th panel drawn!
Yaaaaay?

proclaim your godhood. they must now bow down and worship you. oh, and fresh virgins everyday. put that there too.

Run.

Run away.

Now.

Tell them you work at McBurger Planet, that's right bitches.

Show them your nametag, so they know what name to scream when you beat their arses up.

make them fear the name George Lazenby by summoning a bear to feast on their children

Testicalbutt them all!

BTW, that testicalbutt was the best thing ever, made all the better by the fact that I suggested it. Do that more!

We'll update tomorrow.
We had things to do tonight.

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