Adventures at McBurger Planet: An Image-Based CYOA (On Hiatus Until We're Not)

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hold. very. still. they can only sense movement.

Close your eyes, if you can't see them they can't see you.

Channel your inner Tony Jaa. The sound of limbs breaking will sound true in your ears.

Raise your sword and cry "By the power of grey skull!" turning you into He-man.

Mr.Ivebeenframed:
Channel your inner Tony Jaa. The sound of limbs breaking will sound true in your ears.

SomeBritishDude:
Testicalbutt them all!

image

You briefly consider a repeat performance of the Flying Richard Slap (patent pending) but quickly decide against it. There are too many of them for a move like that to be fully effective. You'd get one...maybe two before the rest would drag you to the ground and proceed to shatter every little bone in your quivering body. They would leave you looking like a strawberry jam that had been left in the sun on a hot summer afternoon.

Plus, your groin is still sore from your last vicious attack. You need to take a less violent approach.

RatRace123:
Close your eyes, if you can't see them they can't see you.

SkyeNeko:
hold. very. still. they can only sense movement.

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You decide to subscribe to the Jurassic Park school of hiding from danger. Your eyes are closed tight and your body is as still as a board.

The angered Inuits sound like they are moving in around you. Seems as though their vision is better than their lack of local optometric services would suggest.

Captainguy42:
Tell them you work at McBurger Planet, that's right bitches.

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Shock and awe time! You decide that telling them that you are gainfully employed at McBurger Planet, one of the most prestigious fast food establishments in North America. That should win you their eternal and undying respect.

Somehow.

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Oh god now they're even more furious.

They must prefer Taco Universe.

RaNDM G:
Run.

Run away.

Now.

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Their apparent poor taste in food has put you in further danger than before! You decide to skip out of this pow-wow before things turn nasty.

You're only hope is that they don't hit you in the back of the head with a club while you are trying to run away. That would probably be the single worst thing that could happen to you at this point.

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Ok, that's about what you were expecting.

You might even be able to say that "unuit".

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You are now unconscious. Whether this was because of the blunt force trauma or that horribly forced pun will likely remain a mystery until the end of time.

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You awaken in a dark room with a splitting headache. You silently wish that this wasn't the first time this sort of thing has happened.

What do you do now?

pinch yourself. this is all a dream.

Use a cheat code.

Cry.

Look at the problem from a new perspective. Tip over your chair.

Try to wiggle free, and then make your way to the keypad.

Blame Eli Roth, this is likely his fault.

Lean over and grab the broom with your teeth.

start biting your arms off

choose Charizard to help free you

Turn into The Incredible Hulk and break out of the ropes that are holding you. Then punch through the door.

SkyeNeko:
pinch yourself. this is all a dream.

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A sharp pain can be felt in your thigh as you pinch the skin tightly between your fingers.

Nothing changes. This is reality.

RaNDM G:
Look at the problem from a new perspective. Tip over your chair.

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Moping about in place isn't going to help anything right now. You rock the chair in an attempt to mope about in motion.

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Alright, that kinda stung. And now you are quite a distance away from the conspicuous key pad in the corner of the room.

How could you possibly make the best of this terrible situation?

Captainguy42:
Lean over and grab the broom with your teeth.

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Of course! You are comforted by the taste of stained oak on your tongue and the sharp bristles of straw over your face. The sensations bring back memories of your many "hot dates" back in Nebraska.

A Gent of Villainous Intent:
Try to wiggle free, and then make your way to the keypad.

image

Well, getting free may be out of the question due to these tight ropes, but you do wiggle the handle at keypad. Who knows what good it might do?

Oh...this guy looks confused. Well, at least you think he would look confused if you were able to see his face.

That sword is a little distracting when trying to get an emotional gauge on someone in the dark.

What do you do now?

Greet the masked assailant in a friendly, nonthreatening manner.

Scream insults about his mother.

^ The Two most juxtaposed suggestions in this topic.

Ask why a Ninja is in a supposedly Inuit secret base.

smile. while hes distracted, poke him in the eye with the broom.

Obviously, you draw upon your years of pretend lightsaber fighting and duel him with the broom, the fact that it's in your mouth makes no difference.

Act like nothing is wrong and begin sweeping the floor.

Yell at him, "You can't handle the truth!"

Ninja's are awesome. Tell him so.

Your Indiana Jones. Tell him you are selling these fine leather jackets.

Broom him in the groin. It's a ninja's only weakness!

DOUBLE POST?! WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?!

Try to seduce him with an erotic broom swinging mating ritual.

Find a pirate.

Then proceed to set up PiratesandNinjas.com, a dating site for Ninjas and Pirates looking for that special person.

The Ninja shall be so filled with respect that he punches the door open then walks off arm in arm with his pirate "friend" singing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dysG12QCdTA

A Gent of Villainous Intent:
Ask why a Ninja is in a supposedly Inuit secret base.

Captainguy42:
Act like nothing is wrong and begin sweeping the floor.

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That's an exceptional question. Perhaps he is a member of a secret order of Ninja Inuits?

However, he doesn't look like he's in the mood to talk. Also, you have a broom in your mouth which would render your inquiries as merely muffled murmurs.

You decide to cover your tracks by sweeping up some of the dirt. The Ninuit only seems further confused.

SomeBritishDude:
Try to seduce him with an erotic broom swinging mating ritual.

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Your eyes bat as you attempt to sweep the door in the most seductive way that you can muster.

Oh yeah baby, run those bristles up and down my linoleum.

The Ninuit is now enraged. He is resistant to your blatant attempts at stick manipulation. The only thing that would have (presumably) infuriated him more would have been if you had a peg leg and a parrot on you shoulder.

Mr.Ivebeenframed:
Broom him in the groin. It's a ninja's only weakness!

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The furious ninja charges.

You reasonably respond with the most rational retort.

TheDarkEricDraven:
Scream insults about his mother.

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You drop the broom and begin an assault on the most important front: against his morale.

"I bet you've worn that mask your entire life because your mother thought you were so ugly. Must hurt getting dissed so bad by a blind chick."

Oh yeah, you really tore him a new one.

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Oh.

Oh sweet Jesus.

Looks like you weren't the only thing to tear him a new one.

What do you do now?

Pick up the samurai sword off the Ninja, and then search for an ID so that you may contact his next of kin.

Try and apologize to the corpse. It seems like it is the only decent thing you can do now.

kiri2tsubasa:
Try and apologize to the corpse. It seems like it is the only decent thing you can do now.

If corpse doesn't response, desecrate it! Use the Ninjas sword to carve rude words into his forehead!

change into his ninja clothes. you are now a ninja. meld out of the room from the shadows.

Cut rope with edge of blade. Quickly retrieve arms from skull.

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