Adventures at McBurger Planet: An Image-Based CYOA (On Hiatus Until We're Not)

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No no no no no! We've got it all wrong. Clearly we went forward in time, and now are back inside the freezer at McBurger Planet.

So, walk right out the door, look around, then go back into the jet bay, get in a frickin' jet.

AND THEN GO TO AUSTRALIA, LIKE WE WERE MEANT TO!

(I mean, come on, I come from Australia, wouldn't it be cool to see Mr.. Um... what's on the name tag? Anyway, wouldn't it be cool to see Mr. fight a kangaroo then find Saxton Hale now rules Australia, and then we have to team up with Crocodile Dundee and Cadal Evans to ride a three person tandam bike down Aires Rock and then rescue some kangaroos held by camels and the man who could only say "Yes" (cookies for reference) and then ride the kangaroos up Aires Rock to find a lake up at the top then the Lady of the Lake throws you a sword and you become the King of Australia and have to repress peasants.

Oh yeah, the stuff I smoke? You can get it from 7/11)

Sob quietly.

You have successfully seduced the ninja. Get to it.

We're updating tonight.

kiri2tsubasa:
Try and apologize to the corpse. It seems like it is the only decent thing you can do now.

TheDarkEricDraven:
Sob quietly.

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This was not what you expected when you woke up this morning. Sure, you might have been able to apply your excellent fighting prowess towards kicking some serious ass...but killing someone? That is a little too much to handle right now.

You try to summon the most heartfelt apology in the history of ever but you find it hard to operate on your normal level of wordspinning.

"I'm so sorry."

Sometimes brevity is the soul of wit.

RaNDM G:
Cut rope with edge of blade. Quickly retrieve arms from skull.

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The moment of mourning has passed. Now the moment of movement has taken its place.

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The blade makes short work of your bindings.

The sensation is liberating.

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You decide to continue this pursuit of freedom. By whatever means necessary.

SkyeNeko:
change into his ninja clothes. you are now a ninja. meld out of the room from the shadows.

A Gent of Villainous Intent:
Pick up the samurai sword off the Ninja, and then search for an ID so that you may contact his next of kin.

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If you've learned one thing from your thousands of hours of video games, it's that the best way to get past a group of enemies is to blend in with those enemies.

You take the clothes from your fallen foe as respectfully as you possibly can. This proves to be difficult. It's hard to look dignified in nothing but polka-dotted boxers.

Sorry friend.

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Hmm...looks like there was some sort of ID badge attached to the getup. You examine it for some details on the deceased.

Nope, just some sort of encoded badge. What would that be used for?

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Oh, we all know what it would be for. You decide to speed things along and apply the obvious key to the obvious lock.

The door clicks open.

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Well this is something you don't see every day.

What do you do now?

flirt with the closest ninja. use your newly found ninja powers to seduce and gain a new boyfriend/girlfriend

Explain the blood on your mask is ketchup from when you were eating some McBurger Planet fries.

Walk in, and stand beside the other ninjas. Act like nothing happened...

Stop the Clown Man from doing...whatever it is doing.

kiri2tsubasa:
Stop the Clown Man from doing...whatever it is doing.

It's doing the same thing it does every night Kiri... TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

Hours of video games have also taught you that crouching in a ninja outfit will make you almost invisible. Try and sneak out of there without being seen.

Lil_Rimmy:

kiri2tsubasa:
Stop the Clown Man from doing...whatever it is doing.

It's doing the same thing it does every night Kiri... TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

You now have the pinkie and the brain theme tune on your mind. Hum away.

SomeBritishDude:

Lil_Rimmy:

kiri2tsubasa:
Stop the Clown Man from doing...whatever it is doing.

It's doing the same thing it does every night Kiri... TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

You now have the pinkie and the brain theme tune on your mind. Hum away.

Proceed to walk over to the Ninja group and stand next to them, and when they look/stare at you, look surprised and try to get them to join you in humming.

Hum.
Hum loud.
Hum fast.
Hum hard.

EDIT:

*GASP*

HERETIC!

YOU SPELT IT PINKIE, NOT PINKY!

BURN HIM AT THE STAKE!

Humming is for people who can't whistle. Attempt to whistle the tune.

And Freakazoid was better.

Check the pockets of your new-found disguise for anything useful!

Wootarded:
Check the pockets of your new-found disguise for anything useful!

In front of everyone....?

tell the ninjas that you were attacked by a freak in underwear and that you won. They now trust you

Lil_Rimmy:

Wootarded:
Check the pockets of your new-found disguise for anything useful!

In front of everyone....?

Yup. Make it look like you're looking for your ninja wallet.

Wootarded:

Lil_Rimmy:

Wootarded:
Check the pockets of your new-found disguise for anything useful!

In front of everyone....?

Yup. Make it look like you're looking for your ninja wallet.

When you find it, pull out your Ninja Card and order three tacos with extra sauce. Then realise you're not in Taco Universe and get all embarrassed.

Wootarded:
Check the pockets of your new-found disguise for anything useful!

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You rummage through your pockets in an attempt to find something spiffy.

Let's see here:

One (1) Shuriken

Two (2) Packets of the Taco Universe Secret Supernova Sauce (TM)

One (1) Identification Card

One (1) Piece of Double Bubble Toil and Trouble Flavored Chewy Stick Brand Bubble Gum(TM)

So in other words, not a whole lot to write home to Dad about.

Lil_Rimmy:
Walk in, and stand beside the other ninjas. Act like nothing happened...

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You stash all the junk back in your pockets and attempt to blend in with the nearby crowd.

One of the Ninuits seems to take notice of you. How will you possibly squirm out of this situation?

SkyeNeko:
flirt with the closest ninja. use your newly found ninja powers to seduce and gain a new boyfriend/girlfriend

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"Sup?" you say seductively. "Black's really slimming on you. You're certainly the most beautiful ninja I have ever seen standing in this room with a sai."

Your target is rendered speechless. Seems as though your unbeatable charms have won another one over.

You're always having to beat the ladies off with a stick when you pull out the "awesome compliments" card.

Kinda hard to tell if this one is a lady though with all of that black clothing though. You hope you didn't just attempt to seduce a dude.

After all, you don't want to have to start beating off the guys too.

Evil Smurf:
tell the ninjas that you were attacked by a freak in underwear and that you won. They now trust you

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You change the subject and tell the harrowing tale of how the guy being held in the cell behind you had gotten free from his restraints and attempted to attack you. In his underwear.

Of course you tell them that you did the most reasonable thing by stabbing him in the back of the head.

kiri2tsubasa:
Stop the Clown Man from doing...whatever it is doing.

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What Clown Man? All you see is a particularly livid Inuit.

And you really don't want tell him stop since he seems to be quite intent on ranting in response to your epic story of stabbing an unarmed man. Something about the boss wanting him alive for some sort of light torture and an overly complicated death trap.

You have a hard time listening to his spiel...it's all Canadian to you.

RaNDM G:
Humming is for people who can't whistle. Attempt to whistle the tune.

And Freakazoid was better.

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The Inuit sends the other two out the door to inform the boss of the colossal failure. He tells you to stay nearby so he can have a few words with you.

You attempt to alleviate the tension of the situation by whistling the theme to "Pinky and the Brain" but it ends up sounding like something else entirely.

No clue how you screwed it up that badly. They sound only vaguely similar.

Oh jeez he still looks pissed.

What do you do now?

ninjas can disappear just like *that* do likewise

cover your eyes. if you cant see him, he cant see you.

Take out your sword, and say that you are not afraid to use it.

You are afraid to use the sword. Keep it sheathed.

Use shuriken for massive damage.

Use your brain, and imagine how awesome a fight with that Eskimo would be.

Captainguy42:
Use your brain, and imagine how awesome a fight with that Eskimo would be.

Use Brain
*On what?*
Inuit
*How*
Throw it at him

Kill him. Go grab the dead ninja, put the clothes back on him, drag him to the dead Eskimo and make it look like they killed each other. Then go sit back in your cell and pretend nothing happened.

Confess that you are the man, and have a break down about your accidental murder of the ninja.

SkyeNeko:
cover your eyes. if you cant see him, he cant see you.

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You plunge yourself into darkness in an effort to escape the disappointed gaze of the irate inuit.

However, it seems as though he can still see you and is continuing his icy death stare. You can feel it drilling into your skull.

Darn it, why doesn't this ever work?

Evil Smurf:
ninjas can disappear just like *that* do likewise

image

Well, if you can dress the part, you can act the part.

For instance, last Halloween you dressed as a hobo and everyone started throwing spare change in your guitar case at that rinky-dink party your cousin held. It was like you were really living the life of a vagrant!

How much different can ninjitsu really be from panhandling?

image

Apparently different enough.

How are you even supposed to do this? What are you supposed to do with your hands? Maybe if you turn it...no...that's not right. Maybe come at it from the side? No no no no...this is so embarrassing. The first time is always so awkward.

Your critic looks impatient and unsatisfied with your performance.

Story of your life.

kiri2tsubasa:
Take out your sword, and say that you are not afraid to use it.

Captainguy42:
Use your brain, and imagine how awesome a fight with that Eskimo would be.

image

You try and imagine fearlessly cutting through your foe.

Unfortunately, your fear ends up cutting through you. If you failed so hard at ninja skillz what make you think you would fail any less hard with ninja swordz?

Best to avoid all pointy ninja-related things for now.

RaNDM G:
You are afraid to use the sword. Keep it sheathed.

Use shuriken for massive damage.

image

HOPE YOUR FREE CANADIAN HEALTH CARE WILL SAVE YOU FROM THE WRATH OF THE NINJA STARZ!

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Oops, went a little high with that throw.

Why did it suddenly get dark in here?

image

Oh yeah, you totally meant to do that. It was always part of your master plan to take this guy out in the most enlightened way possible.

TheDarkEricDraven:
Confess that you are the man, and have a break down about your accidental murder of the ninja.

image

"Oh, wow...I...uh...I guess that works. Well, this might not be the best time to mention it, but I was sorta the guy you had tied up. I didn't mean to kill the guard who came in to see me. It was mostly an accident. Mostly."

The inuit is unresponsive. You really hope you didn't escape his disappointed gaze by plunging him into eternal darkness. That would really be overkill for this particular situation.

What do you do now?

Link_to_Future:
Oh yeah, you totally meant to do that. It was always part of your master plan to take this guy out in the most enlightened way possible.

Nicely done.

Check Eskimo's pockets for valuables. Abscond.

Try and find a freezer. That should get you back to McBurger Planet, somehow.

Take the Inuit on your shoulder and run out the door, following the other Niuits. When you encounter another person, claim that the prisoner had attacked you and that's why Mr. InClown UitMan is unconscious.

When they get a squiggly black scribble above their head, punch them in the snout.

If they resist...

Wear the Inuit's clothes! Hopefully your quick-changing skills from all those Hitman games you played will kick in!

Ask your self, what would Duke Nukem do?

Make sure he isn't dead. If alive, get medical help. You can't handle having taken two lives today.

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