"My name is Iris motherfucker look at me! I'll infect every detail of your plan like a virus! Looking at you now you resemble Miley Cyrus! I'll crash every last star on your chest, even Polaris! I'll use me Ten desires to set so many fires! Your toybox is gonna be filled with rocks! Once I can assemble my crew this puny castle will be a drive-thru! It would simply be for the best if you just withdrew."
Raziel folded his arms and watched the wisp carefully as he began to speak.
"I gravely wounded my foe," Raziel answered, "he started bleeding smoke, then he stole back the staff and tome, and ran for it. I chased after him... but, he summoned a portal I could not pass through. He ran away."
Probably best to leave out the part where the Reaver passed right through my foe for now.
"You say you'll raze me castle, but you'll never even get to turn the tide. Just to get through the whole thing, you'll need a tour guide. I'm just taking a bide, while my robot gets a ride. Once she gets back, we'll stomp your ass until you go cockeyed. What's that? You say I'll get shanghaied? Well step back, and see, that I'm burning your backside. Your stupid fairy luck is about to come topside."
"Hang on, our futures are murky at best. I don't think letting you right in there to my creator who's been attacked three times today so far is that smart an idea. So, you're looking for a way to this 'mad god'? I can tell you that right here" she said, kicking the centipede with a mangled leg until it stopped.
"Asmodeus made a reference to a whole lot of ungodly honking and explosions in the north west, near the now defunct land of the Poison God" she said, struggling a bit to sit up and using her only intact arm to point in the direction she was talking of.
"Just keep walking that way, you'll reach him soon enough. I'd give you some more accurate directions but right now, in case you couldn't tell, I'm not exactly in the best state of functioning" she had another weak laugh, but thankfully this time it didn't produce any more of the silver liquid.
"Now, if you don't mind I'm just going to get me and my prize into safety. I'd suggest you do to. See ya around, kid" she said dismissively, slumping back into the perch she made for herself on the centipede and allowing it to continue into the town.
Alright, time to go see what the boss is up to she thought grimly. Hopefully they'll be able to do something with this haul.
"You keep walking right into this trap! I travel in gaps motherfucker so shut your yap! I'm not usually this forceful you big sap, normally I can be a rather dapper chap. When this is all said and done I'll be the one to make them all clap! If you aren't careful then I'll have to give you a zap! To discover my hidden agendas you'd need the world's best map! You have a dead God, but you seem to forget that I can make entire domains strain and snap! I wish you'd kindly shut your flap and stop trying to sell me this crap! You're so shortsighted I should give you a dunce cap!" And so she did, right on the upturned face, it was a rather nice dunce cap too, very good and even font.
Asmodeus flipped her head back up and devoured the dunce cap, then flipped her head back down and pounded her palms into the ground once more.
"You call yourself a magus, but you're just an almighty nut. You're just a slut, a mutt, and a great, big glut. Ha, if the universe let you keep anything, it was your butt and your gut. You're jokes are so stale, you're stuck in a rut. You think you're original, but you're just a recut. What?"
"You're still a sissy, a ninny and an all around Mary! By the end of the day it is you I will bury! You're just jealous of my body because your teeth are so hairy! You sound a little mad, tell me friend are you getting weary? I for one don't find you all that scary, you don't dissuade me, just make me more merry! With teeth like that you could use more dairy! You're just mad and sad and generally unglad that I have my beauty, and one hell of a booty! You're probably just mad that no one will ever get to pop this cherry. You insults are droll and they don't seem to vary! When I bust you dead, I'll personally chaperone that ferry!"
The centipede was very slowly making it's way into the castle proper at this point. Into the very familiar mindfuck that was Castle Osmo.
"Grr... come on you stupid thing, speed up! Don't you have overdrive or something?" She asked, and as if in response suddenly the thing sped up... to slightly above walking speed. ... I knew she should have sprung for turbo she thought with a groan as she started to get into vaguely familiar territory. Coming before the massive door all of a sudden Priscilla sensed a deep disturbance.
"Wait... what's wrong here? Is that... music?" She asked herself in bewilderment as she head a heavy rhythmic beat and two voices... rapping? Having the centipede kick through the door, Priscilla saw it. The two creators going at it in what they must consider one of the epic rap battles of history. Priscilla just saw her boss and an uncomfortably familiar face wrapping up a lyrical rebuttal. Sensing a lull in the combat she took this point to speak up.
"Well, it's good to know what you do when I'm out, Asmodeus. I hope I'm not interrupting something too important, am I?" she asked, hiding her amusement deeply beneath a steady, stern voice.
Asmodeus turned her head to Priscilla, not embarassed or upset at all, but she sounded as though she just made an accomplishment. "Ah. Priscilla, you're back. Yes, our frequent intruder began to insult me through rhymes, so i made an attempt to best her at her own game. It was growing boring anyway. Now we just need to remove our pest problem."
Azura was swinging from the noose quite fast while still singing. "Can't read my, Can't read my, No he can't read my poker face..." she said with a grin as she adjusted from a slutty looking 26 year old back to her sixteen year old form before gapping back onto her staff which also changed back, without moving from the spot where it had been floating. "I'm so phresh you can suck my nuts."
"Well," The Mordred said as his talking buddy disappeared in the streaks of town around them "fuckin'...see ya, I guess." He turned and ran with long strides into the direction pointed to him as the land began to dry and crack around him again. Before long he found himself in the barren inbetween of lands.
"looks like a fecking twelve year old.....'m older than her by millenia"
Reaching the staff, to check if it was still safely secured, he missed the familiar feeling of the fabric wraps around the hilt of his zweihander.
By the time he had traversed the inbetween, giving the miasmic pit of the Poison God a wide berth, he was once again panting. As he climbed the tower of the Mad God, he barged through the door he presumed was his creators at a time most convenient for the narrative to fit him in.
"Yeah... well I got something you can suck right here" she muttered, reaching back for one of the bombs, but found that the repository that held that was currently missing. As well as a good portion of her lower-body platform. That's... unfortunate
Shrugging off the inconvenience Priscilla just shook her head. "On second thought, you aren't worth much. Asmodeus, not wanting to put upon you, but would it be problematic if I requested you to extradite the skank?"
"It's not as easy as it look, I'm afraid, Priscilla... With the metal man, we could grab and catch him. Iris has manipulative control of distances, space, reality, boundaires, form- You get the idea. And getting her to leave is a hassle." Asmodeus sighed. "She used to bully me before the fall, and that fact hasn't seemed to change after..."
Azura began to play patty-cake with a perfect copy of herself that she called from the air while they both looked over and spoke in unison. "It wasn't that bad you know! If we hadn't done it then some large butch lesbo, or perhaps some mongoloid of a lad would have done much worse! We mean really, what's the worst we've ever done to you~?" There was then a third copy skipping rope sideways above Asmodeus using the noose like a jump-rope.
Asmodeus' doll body was being jerked around and Asmodeus wanted to pull herself off the noose, but decided that now was not the time. "First of all, you instigated a few others to antagonize me as well, some of them matching your description, except the butch lesbo... and second of all, stop swinging the rope that is currently affixed to my neck before i strangle you, and i don't even need to explain to you why I CAN strangle you..."
"We were friends! Really we were! Remember the fun games we used to play?!" Azura asked as the third copy fell over, off of the noose and began to vomit black cats, and ventriloquist dummies. The second copy then hyper-aged into an old lady, and then into a skeleton and finally to a bit of dust that the original snorted before generating a large piano and playing it out of tune.
Priscilla didn't exactly feel the energy to enter this debate between the two at the moment. The bleeding may have stopped, but she was still rather weak from the star-splosion. Though she was still keeping track of the info that was being said.
Well, there goes the theory that Asmodeus was some monster for all time. Guess the fall thing hit her hard... she thought as the Centipedes legs seemed to finally give out under the weight it was carrying this whole time. Not noticing too much she opted to stay discreet and stayed quiet.
Though, she did partially long for a bucket of popcorn to pass the time with.
"I remember the 'games'. You used to rob me blind and have me chase you down the street and use some of your godless hexes to put yourself ahead of me."
Azura then showed another burst of uncharacteristic anger. "They weren't Godless! My Uncle taught them to me!" she shouted before she began to scratch at her head rapidly and her arms began to shake slightly. "My uncle was a good man! You're the godless one! You!" She yelled, her voice faltering slightly and the blue eye glowing brightly through the bangs that covered it, all the magical items in the room, from her remaining copy, to the animals and dummied melted away as she continued to scratch.
Asmodeus stopped for a minute, her head falling back down. "I didn't mean it like that. I meant godless as in 'unfair'. Not godless as in evil. you'd think the same too if you were a normal kind and some supervillian with super speed robbed you, had you chase him down the street while he mockingly ran at average speeds before kicking into mach 12..."
Azura slipped into a gap and vanished from sight, a faint shrieking could be heard from within the hole before it closed off. She was back in her domain and she made her way slowly past the portrait of her uncle that stood in the Magus hall, and into her room.
"เปิดงา" She spoke desperately and the corridor in the center-most part of the tower opened, she slinked inside, and what lied within was a small grey town, with a sign that read 'Altes Leben' she walked down one of the tiny streets, and found the familiar building, she opened the door, walked inside and her demeanor shifted drastically. "Hello Uncle!" she called to a statue behind the counter, dressed in an old pinstripe suit and wearing a worn out cap. "It's been too long since I've visited... I've been busy! Your dream sure takes a lot of work... But I don't mind." She hugged the stiff caricature of existence close. "You'll always be here right, uncle? You need to be around when I make your dream come true!"
Sitting in its throne, it seemed to have dozed off for no reason, and woke up when the Mordred barged into the room. "My dear champion, welcome back. I assume you were successful? Was it a long journey? I had opened up a portal for you to go through, but honestly not even I know where they can lead to. You could have ended up in the stomach of an ancient beast that had slumbered for a long while and only wished death on everything and everyone. Or you could have ended up in the sky miles and miles away from the ground. Or perhaps somewhere in space. The possibilities are endless!" It gave a mad laughter as it stood up to approach its Champion. "But you are here now. So do tell me. Were you able to retrieve everything?" it said with a grin.
Sehnsucht gave a weary sigh and put the cards in a pile, admiring the designs.
"He did not have to read between the lines, he could have stayed if he wanted. ...Where did he get these cards anyway?"
Not ours~ Probably belonged to that gamblin' fella who worked for the space man~~~~ Heeee~
...How do you know about that?
Ah-ah~~~ A lady never tells her secrets, right Sehny?~~~
...Do you get some kind of sick enjoyment for how badly I want to know about my past? About how much pain you cause me by the second...?
I wouldn't call it...sick~~~ Haaaaaa~~~ ...Now, I'll be taking that body for a stroll~ It is way past your bedtime anyway~~~
With that, Sehnsucht started to choke, putting her hands to her throat, she felt herself being forced back and Schadenfreude take her place. Giving a yawn and a stretch.
"Hmm~ That's more like it~! ...Now, road trip~!"
Knocking on the door to the newly crafted shack at the front of the manor, Schadenfreude tried to restrain her laughter as she straightened the already slightly torn dress, giving a shy and refined look on her face.
"Oh, Vermillion~" She imitated Sehnsucht's voice, "Would you kindly accompany me to get some sugar from our neighbours to go in my bland pretentious tea instead of going out and acting like a real creator?"
...I don't sound anything like that... G-Give the body back...And why do I feel so weak...?
Nighty-night, Sehny~ We'll have the body back by 10~~~ Well, maybe, we'll have to see, huh~? Heeeeeeee~
With the leave of Iris after her slight melt down, Priscilla mulled over the information shortly before attempting "Well, that was certainly something. And as much as I'd love to tear into your... friends attachment to her, uncle was it? But at the moment how about we speak business? Oh, and speak of the devil..." she trailed off, as the doors opened again and this time it were even more of the torso-pedes entered, these ones carrying the prize she took from the domain before it was nuked.
"There we are! Fresh batch of whatever you want to call it. Though, to speak freely, you called this thing a creator, right? Well, if that's the truth then SOMETHING big happened to him. There was no sign of an overt struggle until I got there, and there was no champion in sigh, dead or living. Everything was just... dead. What could have happened to that place? You think it would have tried to put up a fight" She mused slightly, wondering how much longer it would take for her creator to do some of the much promised repair work that would be needed if she wanted her champion to be little more than a expensive, talkative paperweight.
"Yeah, t'was a long walk over here. Yer portal punted me somewhere in nomans land, and I found some champion who pointed me the way over here."
He shut the door with some force as he looked at the Mad God. "Some undead champion bitch stole this from you." He said, putting the book, opened at the crystal, together with the staff, on the floor in front of the throne, as if it were some kind of offering.
"Pursued him, turns out his creator is some white shiney dude, didn't so much when I saw him." He shifted uncomfortably.
"Lost my weapon though."
Asmodeus lifted the voyager off her minions with around 80 hands and set it aside. "Yes... Yes, strange indeed how this one seemed to be dead before putting up a fight... But whatever the reason, we have the spoils of whatever happened, and that much we can be happy about. the first priority are your repairs. Bare with your dismemberment for a while longer. I'll have you better than ever in a short amount of time. Heheheh..."
"... yeah, sure. Lets go with that" Priscilla said looking at her nubs. She sighed as she watched Asmodeus lift up her prize, certainly she has a right to relax after stealing from one creator, fighting off his implacable champion, then stealing the corpse of another creator, but it would all be so much better if she had some limbs to work with.
But what could she do in the meantime? Drag herself across the floor and bite at her arms to hurry her along? No, she hadn't reached that point... yet.
So for now, it was time to play everyone's least favorite time killer: The Waiting Game.
Hours pass, and time flows. Asmodeus has examined and learned the components of the Voyager enough, and taken looks at Priscilla's own dismembered body parts. Reconstructing her new parts, Asmodeus has two centipedes rebuild her. "We can rebuild her... We have the Technology... god I've always wanted to do that." Asmodeus said as she manually controlled the centipedes to work on Priscilla. Her new body was larger, sleeker, and fitted with better weapons. Less resembling a spider now, she was more of a monsterous shape than before.
Asmodeus looked at Priscilla and couldn't help but laugh. "Hahaha! you look so much better than before! So many weapons! Yes Yes! Such nice weapons~ We'll repel anyone who gets in~ It will be wonderful~ Oh... Yes."
~~~Before the Epic Rap Battle~~~
He fell to his knees, the Lancer did. He could already feel that he had been given a massive boost of power. From his spears, to his gun, even to his own armor, he has been given a giant upgrade to everything. He looked up to his master. Inside his helmet, he smirked, "I didn't ask for this." He said before standing up. Even his new stature was intimidating, "But I might just have fun with all these new powers you've given me."
He was given the order to raid the voyagers domain for broken scraps of the Spider Robot that stomped him. He didn't want to turn this down, for any reason at all. It meant that there were future upgrades in-store for him, and without even testing his new found abilities he loved them. Using the new jetpack he was given, he flew at incredible speeds to what was left of the Voyagers domain.
He searched the place for hours, looking for any little piece. Nothing. Someone had been here before him, and it was clear who it was. He made his way back to his creators domain, and along the way, he spotted an area that was ripe for the taking, and an area that if they could win a battle in, would be a great boost to their strength.
~~~After the Rap Battle~~~
He made it back to Azura's domain in no time at all. He came back with both good news, and bad news. Hopefully the Good news was overwhelming.
He found his creator, and engaged in a serious conversation with her, "I am back. While I was not able to acquire the pieces you wanted, I think we can overcome this failure with...something bigger. Much. Much bigger."
Azura who emerged from her room grinning with her usual sense of megalomania smirked. "Yes my champion what is the news you hold?" She ginned and stretched out on a large ornate couch as she patiently awaited the news her now impressive compatriot was to deliver.
He laughed, and started whispering to Azura his secrets. He could practically imagine the giant grin on her face when she got the news. He told her of 2 domains. 2 domains that will give them an edge over the other creators and their champions.
"Well, how bout it. Shall we do this?"
"Yes... I shall go with a small force of my own, but you my Champion I've got something almost as momentous for you to do." She chuckled. "Go to the mad God's domain and take any magical looking artifacts you can, these will aid me in my studies... Your news is well received, we will... Strike while the iron is hot, and soon my magic will extend far beyond their wildest desires." Azura then mounted her staff. "I trust you can handle this goal." She grimaced, and then dispersed like ashes in the wind.
Vermilion, who was lounging on the roof slid off to greet his creator. "Something sound different Boss lady? got a cold?" He smirked and chuckled calling the harvester into his hands. "You seem, a little... different today, it's refreshing." He gave a stretch and leaned back onto a nearby tree."So, what's the occasion for this plan?" He asked adjusting the chains around his waist.
Appraising her new form, Priscilla looked up from the height her new body gave her to Asmodeus, who seemed to be eying her in the same fashion. She looked down the scope of one of her guns and snapped one the new claws that the design gave her. Certainly less humanoid, but certainly stronger. Securing the two guns into a catch on her back she snapped the knuckles on her now much more humanoid pair of arms.
"Well, it seems as if I've been upgraded from light infantry to heavy ordinance. I must say, I like the way you think Asmodeus, we seem to be working on the same page here!" Taking a step forward her new body felt quite a bit heavier, but certainly much stronger.
"I'd like to see one of those champions give me problems now, eh? So... what's the plan? I'm ready for action as soon as you are" she said confidently, enjoying a discreet and short moment of a power trip. She wanted to test this new body out on the first chance she could get.
Azura swooped over massive amounts of land very rapidly gapping the distances with extreme prejudice. "Now then...." She looked around until she saw it, it was just as magnificent as she had hoped."Ohhh... My." she said licking her lips. "It's perfect. He can be of service sometimes apparently." And with that she zipped on into the strange, and vast cloud of toxins and acids, no air bubble rushed up to meet her, but this was not a problem, as she inhaled deeply. "Magic is, as magic does." She quipped flying towards a seemingly decaying source of power and laughing madly.