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"hey Grim, could you make another set of those boots for me?" I call out, looking down at my flame charred sneakers.

Mangling together the scraps of some BB guns and fishing wire, I make what I like to call grappling hook, most likely capable of strangling a person and supporting someone using it to climb. I grab a quiver and load it with as many arrows as I can (around twenty) then return to the G-Van to formulate a strategy.

"So the point of the turret plan is to secure our areas of the mall. I say we hit the big stuff first, food and water, shelter, and weapons."

I respawn on top of Paddy and begin to slam his head into the ground until it is paste.

Multiple Molotov cocktails burst , killing Eric instantly. I stand up. "What is your problem dude?"

[OOC: Eric, I'm pretty sure spawn killing isn't aloud]
"The food court seems like a good place to set up base first." I say to Salt.

"I second the food court, just stay away from the toilet in Subway. I'm not joking."


The G-Team and I pile into the van as well make our way over to the food court seeing it is relatively empty and we begin to set up base and I start pouring bottled water to form another death circle.

I gaffer tape together several grills and set up a hog roast with the pig substituted for an entire cow, I find some bread rolls, salad, cheese and various sauces and don a chefs hat at a jaunty angle.

"Hey Paddy, here's your pair." I say tossing him his boots. I then proceed to forming barricades with chairs, tables and dead bodies. I then see a giant advertisement for mcdonalds and I see it has a giant smile on it. I bring the smile to the front of the barricade and plop down in the middle. "Now people will know we are happy as well."

I head into the local cafe, and cook us a English fry up. "Meal's ready" I say when I'm done. I then notice Paddy is also cooking. I guess now we can save one of the meals for later.

"Now that we're all settled for a bit of lunch, what shall we talk about? Our life stories? Why we're here? Who we think this G-Man is?"

"Thanks", I put them on, loading the catapult with my booze soaked sneakers, and washing my hands carefully. I wheel my grill over to Zombie's fry up and start carving up the cow.

"Well, I actually was supposed to head to Tesco's but I walked into here by mistake. Then I just went along with it. I was raised up next to the ocean, down in the south of England. Always did well in school, never got in serious trouble. Yet, I was known as a bit weird and crazy. As for the G-Man? Probably a man who's doing all this with a computer program. Some sort of conspiracy or something."

I take a seat at a table and get ready to eat, " I say we figure out who this G-Man is. He must know all of us from somewhere, right?"

"I see. Nothing much for me. Degree in Engineering. B Average. Laid off last week. Fired from my first job for pushing my douche co-worker off the roof. From the east coast of the US."

I rub my cigar in an ashtray on the table and lean forward so the group can listen.

"What we really need, is a chance to take a swing at the G-Man."

"I was raised by Scott Pilgrim fans after being abandoned at a midnight showing, they taught me the code I live by, and how to fight. Also they helped me understand the plot of Homestuck but that's not really relevant. Also where did Knife go?"

"I guess it's my turn, huh? Well I grew up on the east coast as well, and was an avid computer programmer. . .OK I was a hacker, a good one. I was actually getting ready to hack the CIA computers, and I came here to grab some more keyboards and monitors. And about that G-Man. If we are going to hit him we first need to find him."

"Knife? He's still sleeping in the van. As for the G-man? I don't know, I mean I don't think I've met you guys before today. Maybe we all came across him at a gathering."

"Well, I doubt he's my co-worker, unless you all happen to know Derek Sullivan, douchebag extraordinaire. I don't recall if he ever survived the fall. Still if he lived he'd probably be paralyzed for life unless he made a deal with Yog-sothoth or Nyarlathotep or some other Lovecraftian horror.

As for Knife...oh shit."

"Even if he is running this infinite mall I highly doubt he's in it with a bunch of people who people who are pissed at him and have access to every weapon in the universe. If we could get to Knife's mall we might be able to find where the centre of all this is."

"Hold up. That got me thinking, do you reckon there are hundreds of these malls? Each one being controlled by different individuals?"

"Wait a minute, what if Knife is trying to sneak up on us right now? Salt, are you thinking the same thing?"

"Shit, even worse, what if all these malls are controlled by people who have been given control by aliens or the devil or the Flying Spaghetti Monster or god knows what?"

I respawn with the others.

"You guys...are unFUCKINbelivable.." (Me)

I grab Paddy by his shirt.


"Look, I'm certain I put him in the van when he fell asleep."

I stand up with machete in hand. "I suggest you get off him".

"dude seriously, you are a terrible flirt. Also I see no sword, because if you really care about it enough to pull all this shit you'd have recognised it by now, and I'm not carrying a sword anyway, I am carrying Pimpbastard, awe inspiring slayer of worlds!"

"Additionally, my associates and I tend to dislike ruffians such as yourself interrupting our heavenly little lunch break"

I crack my knuckle and turn the gloves on.

"I suggest you leave, before we get violent."

"Now calm down, Eric. I'm sure Paddy has a good explanation to where your sword is. You don't need to rip his head off and kick it around like a soccer ball. Just sit down and we can talk about this over some giant steak and beer."

"Now the way you're talking about it makes it sound like some kind of legendary weapon. G-Man doesn't like people bringing their own in here."

"So, how is this gonna go Eric? You can leave now, or die. Your choice."

"I say we kill him and add his skull yo our collection."

"Yeah, fuck it" I begin stabbing Eric.

I pull Eric's body from the knife of Zombie and begin to curbstomp it, finally removing his skull and adding it to my bumper, carving a quick 'Eric' above it.

"Now then, where were we? Oh yes, lunch and the G-Man."

I eat the rest of my meal and say "Well that was delicious. Anyway G-man must have answers. When we find him, we question the fuck out of him".

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