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It is a normal sword in this canon. Way to jump the gun. I respawn and kill the other Fighter, taking it back.

Regardless of whether or not it is a normal weapon, I will still consider it confiscated. You'll get it back when the time is right. Just find something to hold you over until then.

Also, player-spawning is illegal. I won't count this against you. Just don't do it again.

"Paddy, keep an eye on that sword. It's yours for now."

-- Legendary Weapons --



Everyone Else: LOCKED

"I feel a burning hatred for God right now." (Me)

I look around for the thief.

"Welcome to Mall Fight, Eric."

I hate you all.

"Well, that's not very nice."

"Fuck you soooo hard. Hello intercom thing!" (Me)

"... Hi."

"I am Eric Draven! Who is this that I am speaking too? Martin Luther King Jr.?" (Me)

"Sure, let's go with that. Look, I can't just tell you where everyone is. That wouldn't make it fair for anyone."

Cutaway to the Mall's security room. The man flicks the camera feed to an episode of Ninja the Mission Force and kicks his feet up on the table.

"He's probably around somewhere though."

"But you are in heaven! You should see everyone! Unless you are in hell for that stuff you plagiarized." (Me)

"Whatever man. Good luck finding what you're looking for."

He cuts off the feed to Eric.

"MLK Jr. sure is a dick." (Me)

"I know right?" I say to Eric, before stabbing him through the stomach.

Doctor Com offshoot 87 runs around, and starts flinging flaming DVD's at everyone.

I respawn in what I presume is a supply closet, and spy two things that make for a very unconventional weapon (but what isn't in this battle royale?), namely, bleach and ammonia. I grin as I grab the two containers and make my way to the center of the carnage, as I combine the two into it's deadly mixture.

I succumb to the gas, but not before the waft the gas towards Com and Paddy.

I dodge a hail of flaming CD's, and head off after the thrower.

I respawn and steal Knife's kill, murdering the Com offshoot with his own arm.

Doctor Com falls down, and respawns. He respawns in a janitor station.
He decides to quit fighting, and be the Janitor. Someone has to be, considering what happends all the time in this world of madness.

He gets to work on re-building the parts of the mall broken. he finds a small device that he uses to re-stock the shops. He, in the meantime, made a Gunpowder pistol using homemade gunpowder, a piece of pipe, two pices of metal, and a chizle. he attaches a kitchen knife with duct tape and superglue to its end. He also carries some drills in his inventory.

Seeing Eric kill the Com offshoot, I walk away towards the food court, thereby avoiding the deadly gas released by Saltarius. Oh, and the bleach and ammonia cloud as well.

I meet Knife at the court.


I pull a lever, causing a trapdoor below Knife to open. The Australian falls into the Rancor pit.

Respawning in the ventilation shafts of the mall, I worm my way about until I pry the vent cover inside the car dealership. An idea struck my mind as I dropped down and busted into the office of who I presumed was the owner, and stole a matchbook. I grabbed a conviniently lying hammer and smashed a gas tank on one of the cars, causing it to leak. I struck the match, dropped it and ran like hell from the ensuing explosion.

"I'll rip your mall apart, store by store G-Man."

"Store. By. Store."

Doctor Com walks around. He finds a high power vacuum cleaner, and some fans. he picks them up, and walks to the Ammonia cloud. He looks around, and somehow finds a way to upgrade one of his knives using all the gold in most of the shops. He finds a random guy walking through for a milisecond, gives him a knife and all the gold. He gives him one Subtle Knives, slightly dulled by so much use.

Subtle Knives are made by Subtle Inc. They can cut through anything, and are primitive methods of multiversal travel.

He cuts a hole in the fabric of time and space, and drains out the gas. He walks around a fair bit more, until he hears the explosion. He holds the duct tape and super glue, and gets to rebuilding the destroyed shop. He walks into the car dealership, and grabs a laptop. He places a new car where the old one blew up, and re-paired the shop. He finds a gold cart, and drives around the store, calm. He finds a sign shop, and finds one that says, 'Space Janitor: The movie.' He attaches it to the golf cart.

*Walk out of the bathroom near garages*

"Damn, that burrito did a number on me! Wait, where is...did I get locked in?!"

I look to my left, the smell of gasoline drawing my attention. I see Saltarius running from an explosion that appears to be moving to me. I jump behind a wall to avoid the explosion and witness the rest of the madness in the mall.

"Damn, not this again...well, first things first." I mutter under my breath as I see a tuxedo store and costume shop, quickly running to each and grabbing what I need.

"Time to suit up."

I quickly find an Italian suit and then parts of a space suit costume.I look at my reflection on the helmet and grin.

"The Naut has arrived!" I yell to the mall. "Now, where to get some weapons..."

Noticing a pesky individual has been tearing down my explosive works of art, I silently stalk the golf cart with a rather conspicous sign attached. I grab a small blade, presumably left by a dead man, or even the dreaded G-Man. I throw with all my might as the blade lodges itself into the back of the driver's head, as the golf cart swerves and crashes through a glass display case, toppling several mannequins onto his now limp body.

I retrieve my blade from the corpse of Doctor Com and commandeer his golf cart, deciding I need to bring others to my cause of defeating the G-Man.

As I sneak through the mall, looking for weapons, I notice the individual who caused the explosion kill a man in a fancy golf cart. Saltarius runs to retrieve a knife from the body of Doctor Com. The Naut grins. Weapons.

I charge at Saltarius, who slashes back at me, but I jump back and deliver a rising space-booted kick to his jaw.

I barely manage to choke out a truce, partially grabled by the blood rising in my jaw. "If we work together, we can stop him. If we don't play this game, he can't screw with us. If we destroy his mall, we can escape." I extend my hand in a sign of peace.

"Wanna see his world burn?"

Doctor Com re-spawns.
"Hey! I can't go on cleaning up the mall without transport!"
He runs around the mall until he finds the gold cart. He throws his knife into salts head, which punctures easily. It also pieces Naut's skull, just as easily. It flies through them, then procedes to pirces the tire of the Golf Cart.

After replacing the burst tire, he fixes the cart, and drives to a camping shop. He attaches fishing hooks to the outside of the cart. He drives to the clouds of gasses, and transports it to another universe. He closes the portal, and gets to work fixing up the food court.


I respawn in what appears to be the charred ruins of the car dealership. This Janitor bastard has been interfering with my plans for too long. The only way to beat him was to trap the janitor.

I started to light a match in the closest storage closet in order to light the gasoline I siphoned from the trucks. I snuck away as the Janitor reappeared to 'clean' my mess. Just as he entered, I locked the door behind him, lit it on fire, and for good measure, rammed his golf cart into the door.

Doctor Com calmly cuts through the door. He walks away in slow mo as everything behinds him blows up. After the explosion subsides, he walks back into the closet, and re-built the room. He looked at his ruined golf-car, and shrugged. He found a segway shop, and grabbed a segway. He attached two of his homemade mini-cannon guns to the sides, and found some knives, and attached them to the end of the segway. He tied some belts to the rear, and some vacumes to the sides. He begins driving around. He Re-entered the exploded dealership, and got to work making it like new a gain. After about an hour, he exits, the shop re-built.

He walks around, and goes to a robotics dealership.

I walk up to Sal.

"What's up?" (Me)

I walk out of the explosion, practically looking like a dead ringer for Two-Face, seeing Draven attempt to speak to me. I extend my hand in a peace offering, hopefully not being assassinated before I can explain myself.

"The G-Man doesn't like it when we don't fight. And he especially hates it when we blow up his shit. Whaddya say we do a bit of both, and end this?"

"Wanna see his world burn?"

I shake my head from behind the helmet.

"Look buddy, you're not the first to try and-" Suddenly Saltarius was dead and before I could register it, I found myself respawning in laundry mat.


What the hell was that all about? I look around, noticing a lot of loose change lying around and a few broken washing machine parts. I quickly assemble an automatic weapon that fires coins and makeshift saw.

"That'll have to do." I quickly run out and try to meet up with the Saltarius, currently speaking to someone else.

"As I was saying before we were so rudely interrupted; buddy, you're not the first to try and beat the system. You're just gonna find yourself respawning a lot. The mall is infinite and ever growing. Though, I'll admit I want to see how you plan on ending this game."

Doctor Com drives on the segway to Sal.
"You know, I don't think this is G-man's mall. G-mans mall is three thousands universes down the road."

"G-Man? What? I just went to sleep and got my sword stolen. I have no idea what is going on." (Me)

Double post.

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