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"Shit. It's working. Well that's good." I start pushing the door towards the orange light and hum a tune.

Are you... Are you seriously pushing that?

At this rate it will take you four hundred years just to move that thing an inch.

I set some grenades underneath the door and use them to propel it forwards.

The bundle detonates, harmlessly kicking up a cloud of dirt and shrapnel.

You are hit with a harmless cloud of dirt and shrapnel. Should probably get on that before infection kicks in.

"I don't have any exposed skin!" I flip a bird to the narration and run towards the orange light.

Well, sorry...

You know you should watch where you're going. Running in the dark isn't a smart idea.

I tap the gasmask lenses. "Night vision shithead!" I begin to worry about the voice I'm hearing before disregarding it.

"Fine, I'll spar with you."
I reach for my sword, then stop.
"When you say spar... you do mean that literally, don't you?"

All I'm saying is you never know when you're going to trip on somethi-

You trip on a rock.

I successfully complete a forward roll with the momentum and end up back on my feet. I continue more carefully.

"What else would I mean?"

I draw my sword and stab Salt in the leg.

I press the barrel of my revolver to Trilby's wrist and fire, then shove him away and remove the blade from my leg.

Once Salt has removed the sword from his leg, I kick the pommel, driving the blade into Salt again. Then, I pick up my hand and throw it at Salt's face.

I brush Trilby's severed hand off, then remove the blade once more, stabbing Trilby in the knee with it.

"No one else wants in? Sis? Ran?"

"I'm sitting this one out."

"I'm going to see what Knife's up to."

I draw my revolver and shoot Salt in the face.

I respawn and put Trilby into a chokehold.

"Tell Knife I said hi."

I grab Salt's face and start crushing it.

"Will do."

"Am I there yet?"


The star hovers above the horizon, illuminating your surroundings. You have been making your way down a cliffside for hours, and from the look of it it will be hours more before you reach the ground.

Hey, there's a door down there.

"Heh, descending." I lie down and begin to roll towards the ground.

I tie Trilby's shoelaces together and start interrogating New Paddy.

I make a campfire, and start cooking some British bacon.

You roll down the side of the cliff, falling thousands of feet before hitting the ground.


You respawn on the cliff.

Now what?

I respawn. "Shit." I walk sensibly down the cliff until I reach the ground.

You dredge on, passing the door on the way down. The day passes before you reach the sea.


That's not a good sign.

I clap my hands together. "Ohohoho. Adventure beckons." I say, to no one in particular.

I slap New Paddy, my hand leaving a red mark on his grinning cardboard face.
"You think this is fucking funny? You think this is a game, you smug piece of cardboard?"
I tilt a lamp towards his face.
"Now I'm going to ask one more time. What have you done with the bodies?"

"Sigma, you want boiled egg?"

The star sets on the horizon.


That's the edge of the forest. Maybe it would be wise to set camp for the night, unless you want to travel into the woods.

"What would I camp with?" I walk into the forest.

I glance over my shoulder.
"Yeah, thanks. You have any toast over there?"
I turn back to New Paddy.
"Alright, Wise Guy, we'll play it your way. You tell us where you hid the Falcon Malteaser, and we won't hand you over to Gary and his Lads. Sound like a deal?"
New Paddy says nothing, just stares at me with two-dimensional cardboard eyes.
My eye twitches.

"Yeah I got toast-Wait, did you say the Falcon Malteaser?"

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