Pages PREV 1 . . . 609 610 611 612 613 614 615 616 617 . . . 886 NEXT

I adjust the dials again, hoping to reverse the effects. "Probably shouldn't have turned it up that high." I mutter before continuing inland.

"Dude Knife...what if of us is secretly an incubus or something?"

"I..what?" I cock my head to the side. "Salt did you get into Paddy's stash?"

I walk back over to Knife and Salt, now two-armed once more.
"What're you talking about now?" I ask.

"Whether or not someone among us is an incubus. Succubi are out of the running by default."

"Why would you think that?"

"I'unno. Just...what if?"

"Yes Salt, YOU are the incubus. You cannot trick us into thinking otherwise."

"Considering that I have had sex with Paddy multiple times and he still has his soul, no."

"Paddy is probably lacking in the soul department."

"Listen, I doubt you honestly want to risk testing this yourself. So there is one less suspect on the succubus/incubus list."

My tulpa slaps Zombie in the face and holds up a (definitely not stolen) iphone, playing a video of me. "I heard that!"

"Salt, I think you've gone a bit stir crazy. Then again, who hasn't?"

"THERE'S A PRESENT DANGER AND YOU'RE IGNORING IT! Paddy, who among us is the most likely to be an incubus and or succubus?"

"How is there a present danger? There's only one woman here, who nobody apart from you has tried to have sex with, and the only people who have had sex with other men are you, Salt, and Paddy." I remind Salt.

"Sex with her isn't my priority, despite how many of you primally perceive my past advances."

I superglue a pair of unbelievably shitty horns to Salts forehead.
"I agree with Trilby. Besides, everyone knows Demons arn't real."

"Pretty sure you've summoned smoothie demons or some bullshit at some point. And get that shit off me."

I poke the shitty horns on Salt's head. "Yea nah they're superglued on." I say, "Congratulations Salt, your the new incubus."

Somewhere, a jukebox starts playing.

"It's not like I was having intercourse with anyone either way."

"Well this shocking revelation has lasted a whole of a 10 minutes. Let's-"
A rainbow appears, and so does a leprechaun.
"Hello there! Can I interest you folks in some gold?"

"Is it possible to trip when you can't see?"

My tulpa greets the leprechaun. "GIMME SOME FUCKIN' GOLD!"

The leprechaun pulls out a cleaver and slams it into the tulpas face.

"BACK TO HELL YE DEMON! Ahem. Like I said, I can easily give you folks the gold you desire. You just need to do one little thing for me. You in?"

"If it involves sex or the like I'm out."

My tulpa collapses to the floor dripping blood. "Hang on I'm made of thoughts." It disappears and the cleaver clatters to the floor.

"Oh don't worry about that lad! Nothing weird. I just need you to *COUGH* walk up a mountain and drop a box containing an ancient deadly artifact into a pit of lava *COUGH* and then return here!"

"I want to be Aragorn."

"U wot m8 do you even Zumba?"

I sneak up behind the leprechaun and tackle him.

The leprechaun uses it's magical abilities to travel via the rainbow. It drops behind Trilby.
"And who are you lad?"

"He's Sam. In the LOTR sense."

I begin to wonder how someone can travel by rainbow when there's no rain, but I remember we're in the Mall, where precisely jack shit makes sense.
"Me? Nobody you should worry about. I was just leaving, actually."
I start to walk off.

I stick some clouds to Trilby's eyes, giving him cloud-vision.

"Wh- what's happening? Why is everything foggy!? OH GOD!"
I panic and start throwing Molotovs everywhere.

 Pages PREV 1 . . . 609 610 611 612 613 614 615 616 617 . . . 886 NEXT

Reply to Thread

This thread is locked