Mall Fight RP: (CLOSED) (FINISHED)

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I respawn after burning to death horribly.
"Waait, If you're a ghost then how did Salt kill you" I say, flipping through my Big Book of Excorsisms.
"Hmmm...Huge Bitch...Huge Bitch...aaah there it is.

I finally collapse with innumerable bullet holes riddling my corpse. I respawn and snatch the lollipop from Sigma, which I break over Nega Sigma's head.

I fight the urge to make a sex joke.

I fail.

"Not the first time my staff has made someone cry."

I vomit.

"I'm just a random guy some wizards sent over here to deliver this staff."

I sure hope this doesn't turn out to be like the opening to Final Fantasy 4.

"Now all I need is several tonnes of sugar, a small chicken and a dead disabled homeless pers-"
The lollipop breaks over my head.
".............................................................."
".............................................................."
".............................................................."
"..........................................................Thejuju."

image

I am incinerated by the Rainbow Explosion.
I respawn, the multicolored lights still flashing in the sky.
"...Uuuuuh NSC, you ok?"

image

"I hate all of you."

"God fucking dammit, Sigmas."

":D"

"I am not having anything to do with this candy-coated fucking nightmare."

"AAaaawww dahhn't be loik daht Salte me olde matey"

"For the love of god, no. I am not doing this. I am not succumbing to this crap."

"This is not going to end well for anyone. At all."
I think for a few seconds.
"But it would be majorly inconsistent with everything we've ever done to let that bother us."

"It's still going to bother me given how fucking stupid this looks."

"AH!"
I respawn.
"Pink? Not my colour, but it'll do."

"I'm not going to lie, there are worse status quos to attain, but this is still pretty fucking low."

"I dunno Salt, I think you're new look suits you." Knife says with a grin.

"Gee, maybe if this sugar coated fuckery gave my my eyesight back, I could give a proper opinion."

"Hah, now that would be a mirical." Knife says, before looking at me. "So, rocking the robo-leg now are we?"
"Yea, I guess."
"Fair enough, not that I can mind you emulating me a little, it's a little strange, but I don't mind."
"I, wait, what?"
"With the leg." Knife says, pulling up the cuff of is jeans to reveal his own robotic leg.
"I...um, god DAMN it Trilby!" I yell, furiously hopping on one leg as I unscrew the robotic prosthetic before throwning it in Trilby's directions before storming off.
"Fuck, what's got his knickers in a twist?" Knife asks, watching me hop to a distant store.

"Other Knife, should I be glad that I can't see this rainbow-filled, seizure-fest hell?"

I fall over due to being hit in the face by a metal leg.
"Y'know, Knifes, you two seem to have a really bad habit of losing limbs. You should really do something about that."

"Eh, it happens. Besides, if I had an actual hand could I do this?" Knife says, snapping his metallic fingers and causing a flame to appear above his thumb. "And Salt it's not that bad, as long as you avoid looking up or at Nega Sigma."

"Sis, how many times a day do you regret the company you decide to keep? Experiences such as this heighten that feeling tenfold. Maybe twentyfold."

"Show off."
I point Knife's leg at Knife, then fire the in-built shotgun.

"Make that thirty."

Paddy the Second:
"I'm just a random guy some wizards sent over here to deliver this staff."

I sure hope this doesn't turn out to be like the opening to Final Fantasy 4.

Not necessarily.

"I see..."

More townsfolk arrive and crowd around, trying to console the girl. The man leads you away, trying to give her space.

"We sent one of our men to speak with the warlocks. Her husband. The staff was an offering of peace. If they have returned it, then they will come to our town by dawn."

Saltarius:
"Sis, how many times a day do you regret the company you decide to keep? Experiences such as this heighten that feeling tenfold. Maybe twentyfold."

Saltarius:
"Make that thirty."

"Why must you hurt me in this way?"

"Welp. Fear not good sir, for I am a mall fighter, famed across the galaxies for my heroism, when it goes right, and I will protect your town!" I wish the others were here.

I float past Salt, throwing rainbow sprinkles at his face.
"Caem ooon, cher oop ye groupmeh bastayrd"

"Salt, I'm armed. With a leg." I warn. "So, don't-"
I stop talking when I hear Nega Sig's presumably Scottish, definitely bad, accent.
"What's with the accent?"

"Ay for sure, 'tis the accent of my forefathers, young laddie"

"Gee, smooth Salt." Knife says, before bleeding out, respawning and snatching the leg from Trilby. "Don't do that, ok?" He says, bonking him on the head before comparing it to his current prothstetic.

"Because the subtle irony of this trickster shit making me depressed cuts deeper than any sword."

"Hey, I made that leg. And Knife gave it back, so that makes it mine, probably." I yell, rubbing my head.

I begin idly carving a stake by the corner.

"Trilby. Read up to the RW. You know what I mean. I'm not sure how to recover from the trauma."

"Eh whatever, it's to small anyway." Knife says, throwing the leg back. "Good craftmanship though, I'll give you that."

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