Mall Fight RP: (CLOSED) (FINISHED)

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My tulpa is a blinding mass of clashing colours and deafening noise. "I guess dream forms don't handle this well."

"Sigma, is a fear of weddings rational?"

"If you've ever gone within five miles of a ASOIAF book, then yes."

I point to the braille copy of A Storm of Swords next to me.

A single tear tracks down my cheek.
"Salt why you do this. That scar had barely healed."
I set fire to a nearby Wedding and sit down to cry.

"I didn't...Robb, he...and then the Freys...Anyways I need you to do some...evaluating on something I picked up."

"..sniff..-sob-...what is it? -sob-"
I behead the groom as he runs past, trailing fire form his head.

"Given a certain holiday coming up I sort of decided to...acquire a card for somebody. I just need you for quality assurance. The guy who sold it to me said it'd work fine."

I hand Sigma the card.

image

I take the card and look at it.
"-sniff- Ummm don't you think she might be a bit weirded out by the Stalker thing?"
NSC slaps me.
I stab NSC in the face.

"...W-Wait, what the fuck does that card actually say?"

I make myself an Angel Wing and Children smoothie.
"Uuuh it says 'Stalker is such a strong word.' Then inside it says 'I prefer Valentine.'"

"Well, scrap that idea. Scrap the notion altogether, I'll just read more of this depressing novel instead."

"Nah don't give up hope. Write one in braille."

"...One second."

"Hey uh...Sis. By any chance can you read braille?"

I hold up a large spike made out of Anti-ghost metal.
"We could stab her eyes out. Then she'd have to learn braille."

"Sig, dude, not at all helping."

Paddy the Second:
"Welp. Fear not good sir, for I am a mall fighter, famed across the galaxies for my heroism, when it goes right, and I will protect your town!" I wish the others were here.

"I'll believe that when I see it."

Saltarius:
"Hey uh...Sis. By any chance can you read braille?"

"People actually use braille?"

"I'm considering if I should be offended."

"Sig, the plan's shot."

"Plan B"
I stab Sister in the eyes with the Anti-Ghost spikes.

"OH, THAT REALLY HELPED!"

I turn to Salt, still holding the spikes in Sisters eyes.
"Well now she's blind. So she'll have to learn braille."

"Sigma, for fuck's sake, who did you think would thereotically teach her? I'm blind too, dumbass!"

"Hey there buddy, keep that sass mouth up and I'll leave you to the warlocks."

"...Blind People Magic?"

"It doesn't exist Sigma. You have completely destroyed an already hopeless plan further."

Paddy the Second:
"Hey there buddy, keep that sass mouth up and I'll leave you to the warlocks."

"I'm not your buddy, guy."

"Blind people magic... What is wrong with you?"

I tear the spikes out of Sisters eyes, and drop them on the floor.
"All my life...I believed a lie..."

"So uh...sorry about the uh...eye thing."

"Oh. That's no big deal."

She grabs a spike and jams it in her skull.

Sister respawns, perfectly fine.

"Of course. So anwyays, Sis...should I be concerned about that cloying scent of alcohol coming from the office?"

"What cloying scent of alcohol?"

I shoot Sister in the eyes again.

"You sort of came out smelling like a a bar exploded."

"That's it, warlocks for everyone!" I turn to leave.

"Actually that was me." Knife says. "Though to be fair it didn't explode, it just got shaken up a bit by this dropkick from the Dark Brotherhood."

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