"I'm pretty sure that a person that said girl feels attracted to is the one who 'gets' them."
"My point is, I am not doing what you want me to do."
"See? You don't get her! At least wear the clothes."
I funk my way over.
"You gotta be smoooooooooooooooth."
I melt into a puddle.
"I don't trust you, or your shitty clothes."
"You don't even know what they look like."
My face peers up from the puddle.
"Trust the Douchebaggery Salt. It's the only waaaay."
"Wait...You don't...You don't trust me?"
I punch Salt in the face.
"I'm so telling Sis about you and Paddy again."
Knife walks back over just in time to see Zombie give Salt the clothing and some (shit awful) advice. "Fucking hell Zombie piss off, go take some time out to acually grow that pea sized chunk of muscle you call a brain." He says as he shoos him away.
"Look Salt don't listen to him ok, he's just putting you on. You don't need this," Knife grabs the chav clothes and chucks them in a nearby store. "Look your fine as you are, just be confident, rock up to Sister with some flowers and say 'Sister, would like to go see a movie?' Ok?"
"Everybody kind of knows, dude."
"Thank you Knife, for finally showing me that someone here kept their sanity."
I reform and pat Zombie on the shoulder.
"Hes got his COOOOL NEW FRIIEENDS now."
I pull Knife aside.
"Roll with it dude. I have an overarching plan."
I walk away with Sigma.
"Let's go fill that office Sis was in with smoothies."
"Right well...probably should get some then."
I grab my Blender and a long plastic tube. I attache the tube to the vent in Sisters office and the other end to the blender.
"Bring the fruit yo."
I grab several different fruits. Mangoes, oranges, bananas, some more mangoes, and much more, amazing and tasty fruit.
"This can't possibly have any negative consequences."
"Mate I never lost it. Now go find some flowers man, I'll catch up." Knife says with a grin that dissappears as he faces Zombie. "Mate, just go ok. I couldn't care less about whatever 'Overarching plan' bullshit you have if I tried but where's the logic in...this?"
"Well...I mean it's not like I can judge flower quality Knife."
"Pffffff that's impossible"
I throw all the fruit in, along with a table, several passing Bulgarians and some hellfire for good measure.
"This smoothie is looking delicious."
I eat a spare mango while waiting.
I float up to Salt and Knife.
"What are you foolish mortals babbling about?"
"Aaaaw yea, delish as hell yo."
I slice in some turmeric, attach the lid and switch it onto full power.
Somewhere deep beneath our feet, a cosmic power rumbles.
I ignore the corn god.
"I mean roses are kind of stereotypical. I remember carnations actually looked pretty nice. And they don't have that whole thorn removal bullshit going on."
I poke the Knife human with my baseball bat.
There is silence for a few moments.
450,000 litres of demon-infused smoothie pours into the office Sis is in. The tube cracks, and the smoothie spryas out all over Salt and knife.
My tulpa punches Sig and Zombie in the dick.
"Cricket's better." Knife says to the Corn God, before him and Salt are covered in smoothie. "Well, this was unexpected."
"And these flowers are fucking ruined. Let's find another store. So uh...carnations or roses?"
"I suggest orchids. Orchids are great."
The tube gets a blockage and explodes. Smoothie goes everywhere.