Mall Fight RP: (CLOSED) (FINISHED)

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"..."

"There was no zipping."

"..."

"Are you or were you jacking off to me and Sister playing paintball?"

"..."

"Neither."

"..."

"How can I be sure?"

"Because I'm not real so how could I masturbate?!"

"HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW IF YOU WANT TO MENTALLY PROJECT A WANG?"

"I don't like looking at cocks dude! They're all gross and weird looking!"

"I'm still really uncomfortable with this situation. What if you write really fucking creepy friendfiction about this?"

"My friendfiction is of the highest quality!"

"SO YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU ARE LITERALLY WRITING A FUCKING FRIENDFICTION DURING OUR FIRST DATE."

"..."

"No."

"..."

"Is that a 'no' no or a 'yes' no?"

"..."

"It's not not a no no."

"..."

"Why Paddy."

"..."

"..."

"..."

My tulpa disperses.

I walk out of the bathroom, visibly shaken.

"Yeah, ok, you win."

I remain on the ground at the base of the church tower.

"We're off to a good start at least."

Sister belts you one in the gut her t-shirt cannon. You crumple to the ground, gasping for breath.

"Ha ha ha ha ha!"

You must have saw that coming.

"Yeah okay...you *cough* win. We get it."

"You should have seen the look on your face!"

Paddy the Second:
I remain on the ground at the base of the church tower.

"We're off to a good start at least."

Now what?

"This relationship is clearly out to a wonderful *cough* start."

I leap to my feet and clap my hands. "Right, tell me everything I need to know about these warlocks."

I wake up and wonder where everyone is.
"Yo where is everyone."

I get up and walk over to the railing.

"Up here."

I look up.
"Sweet."
I grab a nearby grappling hook and scoot up to the others.

"So...yeah, lost that match pretty hard."

"Or did you?"

"Nah, he lost pretty spectacticaly." Knife says, walking over to the others.

"But maybe, in some weird sense, he won. Somehow-SNEAK ATTACK!" I shoot Salt in the stomach.
[OOC: Captcha - Zombie Attack. How fitting.]

I collapse and lie on the floor.

"...I think my stomach acid is leaking onto my organs."

I poke Salt's insides.
"Yep. In my not-at-all professional opinion, I can say with certainty that your stomach acid is leaking out. As a definite non-doctor, I have to tell you that that is bad. I would recommend a bullet to the face, administered twice daily from some form of firearm, for the next two weeks."

"Trilby. In my professional opinion, you can go suck a fat one."

"I would, but Knife won't let me."
I shoot Salt in the face.
"There. You're fixed."

I respawn and shoot Trilby in the eyes with my paintball gun.

"Non-lethal, but I hardly give a fuck."

I wipe the paint off my welding goggles.
"Sorry for not letting you die a slow, painful death."

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