Mall Fight RP: (CLOSED) (FINISHED)

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"This relationship is clearly out to a wonderful *cough* start."

I leap to my feet and clap my hands. "Right, tell me everything I need to know about these warlocks."

I wake up and wonder where everyone is.
"Yo where is everyone."

I get up and walk over to the railing.

"Up here."

I look up.
"Sweet."
I grab a nearby grappling hook and scoot up to the others.

"So...yeah, lost that match pretty hard."

"Or did you?"

"Nah, he lost pretty spectacticaly." Knife says, walking over to the others.

"But maybe, in some weird sense, he won. Somehow-SNEAK ATTACK!" I shoot Salt in the stomach.
[OOC: Captcha - Zombie Attack. How fitting.]

I collapse and lie on the floor.

"...I think my stomach acid is leaking onto my organs."

I poke Salt's insides.
"Yep. In my not-at-all professional opinion, I can say with certainty that your stomach acid is leaking out. As a definite non-doctor, I have to tell you that that is bad. I would recommend a bullet to the face, administered twice daily from some form of firearm, for the next two weeks."

"Trilby. In my professional opinion, you can go suck a fat one."

"I would, but Knife won't let me."
I shoot Salt in the face.
"There. You're fixed."

I respawn and shoot Trilby in the eyes with my paintball gun.

"Non-lethal, but I hardly give a fuck."

I wipe the paint off my welding goggles.
"Sorry for not letting you die a slow, painful death."

"I prefer that someone else do it over you."

"Nobody else did, though."

"Even then I prefer it to you doing it."

"Well, sorry."
I shoot Salt in the stomach again.
"There. Now it's like I never helped you."
I walk off.

"Note to self. Leave Trilby on next planet we go to."

"You of all people should know how well staying on a planet when the Mall leaves ends." I point out.

"I was secretly hoping the matrix would take priority and forget about you."

"And you wonder why I'm not trying very hard to not be a dick to you."

"Just because you're trying not to be a dick doesn't mean I have to be nice to you."

"Yeah, but if you're not nice to me, then what motivation do I have not to be a dick? Do unto others, or some shit like that."

"If you truly cared about becoming a better person, you wouldn't let it get to you. But this cycle of logic is just becoming recursive."

I get my stomach acid into a plastic cup and pour it on Trilby's face.

"Well, maybe I'm just not as thick-skinned as you."

I'm too far away for the acid to hit.

"Not being a bitch helps."

"See, it's comments like that that make me want to hurt you, both physically and emotionally."

"Your face made me want to do the same. But now that I'm blind, your horrid personality and general traits do the job much better."

"Christ will you two put a sock in it! It's like listening to an old married couple and I should know." Knife cuts in, interrupting Salt and Trilby's argument.

I superglue Knifes mouth closed and turn to Trilby and Salt.
"Oh no, please continue."
I eat some more popcorn and put on my 4D-specs.

"Yeah guys, you should really stop-SNEAK ATTACK!" I shoot Salt and Trilby in the stomach.

Paddy the Second:
I leap to my feet and clap my hands. "Right, tell me everything I need to know about these warlocks."

"They like to burn down our houses and take our women and children. Hence the fleeing women and children."

Well, gee. I could have told you that.

MinimanZombie:
"Yeah guys, you should really stop-SNEAK ATTACK!" I shoot Salt and Trilby in the stomach.

Sister shoots you in the crotch with a paintball.

I collapse, clutching my stomach, then shoot myself in the head.
I respawn.
"Why, Zombie."

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