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"Not an issue. Because I will."

Fulfilling my obligations as a Leo, I draw hate-filled art of Salt and Tox.

"Alright, then." I shoot Salt in the head, killing him.


I run like fuck.

I respawn in front of Tox and break his neck.

I respawn close by. "Hey, that was a revengekill! Unfair!" I throw wood at Salt as punishment.

I shrug off the wood and proceed to break Tox's neck again.

I respawn again. "That's still not fair!" I shove Salt into a nearby fire, immolating him and somehow melting him.

I respawn by Tox, remove my shades and simply stare at him.

I look at the shades. "Hey, are those Ray-Bans? Good choice, man!"

"I couldn't be damned to care."

I place the glasses over Tox's eyes and shove him into the fire.

I jump out of the fire because shades don't blind people and into a nearby fountain.

I walk over to the fountain and slam Tox against the centerpiece of it before holding his head under.

I open the console and type in the command "explode", causing me to commit suicide through self-detonation, catching Salt in the splash damage. I respawn on the balcony of an italian restaurant.

I bring myself up to the surface, minor burns scars fresh on my body. I decide to ease up and start setting pit traps.

I load up on breadsticks and pasta with bolognese before camping out on the second floor, making myself a barricade of tables.

"Tox. I found some nerdy, obscure thing that was popular before you were born."

"Come on, Salt, I'm not even that big of a nostalgiafag! There are people even worse than me who cherish old shows that suck like hell just because they used to watch it and like it as a kid! Take the people who still like Mighty Max!"

"I found the Half-Life 3 beta."

"Pff, Half-Life 3? The beta? It's not like people care about it anymore, everyone knows it's going to be released at least this century!"

"Oh shit, look at this fully loaded bondage kit."

"I'll go look for one another time!"

"Tox, there's a thing here."

"...Is it Ricochet 2?"

"It's actually Ricochet 3: Ricochet Harder."

"...I don't trust you, bring it in front of the balcony!"

"I don't know where that is because I am blind Tox so you must come down here."

"..." I facepalm before throwing a fuckton of breadsticks out the balcony.

I walk away but lay the actual and totally real Ricochet 3: Ricochet Harder disc on the trap.

I crawl over to the balcony, observing the surroundings using Little Alice. After careful inspection, I jump off the balcony in an extravagantly outrageous manner, with the screams and the dramatic camera shots and everything. I land onto the bread sticks and go further on.

After maybe five minutes, I find the copy of Ricochet 3 laying on a trap.

The camera grows slightly darker as to set a mysteeeeeeeeeeeeerious atmosphere while I approach my hand over to it, slowly but carefully, while holding a bag that weights the same as a normal game copy. After moments of deliberation, I quickly switched the two objects over, making the trap unactivated.

I slowly get up and back away.

I pounce from the shadows, stabbing Tox repeatedly.


"AKLSHILWUEBLWBBGLWARGVOAIWHGOIAWRHBGAEBFWveilfiwalvefilawvielfwaile" I fire wildly around, hitting Salt in the ear and one of his legs before kicking the dust and respawning on the third floor of the area, on a corridor visible from the bottom.

"And in all this I forgot how fun killing people was."

"Same thing here!" I throw an empty dish at Salt. "Have a gift! It's a Somalian meal!"

I stare at where I'm fairly certain Tox is, and walk back to Sister.

"Alright, I've got another idea."

"...Come on, Salt, it wasn't that bad a joke! At least, not as bad as that one with the Muslim and the-" I get kicked before I can piss off another culture. I re-join the server and spawn in the same location.

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