Mall Fight RP: (CLOSED) (FINISHED)

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I set fire to the carving and throw it at Tox.

The carving comes to life in mid-air.
"I'm a real boOHGODIT BUUUUURNS WHY WAS I BORN INTO SUCH SUFFERING!"
The carving hits Tox and explodes.

I respawn and bludgeon Sigma and Zombie to death with the Bloody Mary (as far as I remember, it's named that way), an umbrella with barbed wire on it.

I respawn, and reverse-pickpocket a grenade into Tox's inventory.

My skull explodes into candy as soon as Bloody Mary touches it.
I respawn.
"Woops, I left Pinata on. Gimme a sec..."
I root around in the circuit boards and deactivate Pinata.

The grenade explodes, killing-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA it doesn't work, that bug was fixed on version 4.7.

I explode on principle anyway and respawn.

"FUCK! CHRIST MY SKIN OH GOD MY FLESH BURNS HOLY HELL FUCK YOU WHOEVER POURED THAT"

Paddy the Second:
"Ok. Everyone hide in places that aren't super obvious and are not the church, I have a terrible plan."

"Everyone's already skipped town."

My hands find their way to my neck, snapping it and letting me respawn on the bench.

"Hello again."

"Hey. You uh...wanna get some ice cream?"

"God, I thought you would never ask."

You go to the ice cream shoppe. There is no one in the store, and the frozen treats are all locked up.

There is a small speaker on the counter with two small buttons below the amplifier. The one on the left is red, while the one on right is labeled "push to talk".

"Uh...the fuck do I do?"

I move my hands over the counter, trying to find a service bell.

I throw a molotov mocktail in through the Ice Cream Shoppe window.

I put out the fire with a bucket of water. I then dump a bucket of scalding water over Salt. Again.

Saltarius:
"Uh...the fuck do I do?"

I move my hands over the counter, trying to find a service bell.

"Salt."

"Salt, the button is right there."

"Salt..."

"Salt, stop."

You proceed to burn in a horrific fashion.

I decide to give up on the toaster and install a bunch of small flamethrowers all down my arm, and a plasma cutter in my index finger.
Which, I suppose, works as a toaster. Sort of.

I respawn and slam the goddamn button.

"Right. Sorry. Sight iss-the fuck is that smoke smell coming from."

I fill the Ice Cream Shoppe from floor to ceiling with oiled-up homosexual midgets.

Saltarius:
I respawn and slam the goddamn button.

You break the goddamn button.

Hello. How can I help you today?

Oh, this will be good.

Sigma Castell:
I fill the Ice Cream Shoppe from floor to ceiling with oiled-up homosexual midgets.

You fail to realize the midgets are really giant gummy bears, and that the store was already filled with gummy bears to begin with.

"PUT OUT THE FIRE AND ALSO SHERBET I GUESS WHILE YOU'RE AT IT."

"HOLD ON, GUYS, I'M COMIIIIIIING!"

I burst into the Ice Cream Shoppe and start bludgeoning the shit out of the gummy bears.

I shoot Salt in the back of the neck.

I bend down to tie my shoe, dodging the bullet incidentally.

I dive through the ice cream store window and tackle Sigma.

"Oh. Hey Knife. Why'd you decide to drop by?"

"Oh hai again, Knife, how's your sex l-" I notice that Knife posted multiple hours ago

"Shit, he might be offline, Salt."

"Oh. Well...what brings you here Tox?"

"I don't know. I read the previous posts and I thought I'd start killing shit."

"...In the Ice Cream Shoppe."

"Yeah, you got a problem with that?"

I gesture to where I'm fairly certain Sister is and back to me.

You gesture in the wrong direction, but whatever, them's the breaks.

One scoop or two?

I sit up, rubbing my head. "Augh, the things I do to help you." I mutter.

"One."

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