Mall Fight RP: (CLOSED) (FINISHED)

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Saltarius:
"Uh...the fuck do I do?"

I move my hands over the counter, trying to find a service bell.

"Salt."

"Salt, the button is right there."

"Salt..."

"Salt, stop."

You proceed to burn in a horrific fashion.

I decide to give up on the toaster and install a bunch of small flamethrowers all down my arm, and a plasma cutter in my index finger.
Which, I suppose, works as a toaster. Sort of.

I respawn and slam the goddamn button.

"Right. Sorry. Sight iss-the fuck is that smoke smell coming from."

I fill the Ice Cream Shoppe from floor to ceiling with oiled-up homosexual midgets.

Saltarius:
I respawn and slam the goddamn button.

You break the goddamn button.

Hello. How can I help you today?

Oh, this will be good.

Sigma Castell:
I fill the Ice Cream Shoppe from floor to ceiling with oiled-up homosexual midgets.

You fail to realize the midgets are really giant gummy bears, and that the store was already filled with gummy bears to begin with.

"PUT OUT THE FIRE AND ALSO SHERBET I GUESS WHILE YOU'RE AT IT."

"HOLD ON, GUYS, I'M COMIIIIIIING!"

I burst into the Ice Cream Shoppe and start bludgeoning the shit out of the gummy bears.

I shoot Salt in the back of the neck.

I bend down to tie my shoe, dodging the bullet incidentally.

I dive through the ice cream store window and tackle Sigma.

"Oh. Hey Knife. Why'd you decide to drop by?"

"Oh hai again, Knife, how's your sex l-" I notice that Knife posted multiple hours ago

"Shit, he might be offline, Salt."

"Oh. Well...what brings you here Tox?"

"I don't know. I read the previous posts and I thought I'd start killing shit."

"...In the Ice Cream Shoppe."

"Yeah, you got a problem with that?"

I gesture to where I'm fairly certain Sister is and back to me.

You gesture in the wrong direction, but whatever, them's the breaks.

One scoop or two?

I sit up, rubbing my head. "Augh, the things I do to help you." I mutter.

"One."

"THEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

I eat ice cream, because I might as well.

"Still dude, not exactly the best time."

Paddy the Second:
"THEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"Telling you we should get the Hell out of here before-"

Bells ringing from miles away, towards the mountains where you made your descent. The sky changes to dusk, though the sun still shines brightly above you. The air is warm, though you consider it only an annoyance.

image
(noirlac)

"SO LONG GOOD LUCK BYE!"

The townsman runs off.

"OHMYFUCKINGGOD!" I leave a tulpa outside the door of the church and storm inside, barring the doors.

"HEY NARRATOR! GO FUCK YOURSELF!"

I flood the ice cream shoppe with boiling hot water.

Paddy the Second:
"HEY NARRATOR! GO FUCK YOURSELF!"

What? What did I do now?

MinimanZombie:
I flood the ice cream shoppe with boiling hot water.

Man, that's just fucked up.

"I'm used to it by now."

I head to the ice cream shoppe and start throwing paper aeroplanes at Salt's head.

"Why didn't you tell there was shit all to defend here before?"

The boiling water melts all the ice cream. "Dude, Zombie, that's just not cool, man."

Paddy the Second:
"Why didn't you tell there was shit all to defend here before?"

image
(noirlac)

It's two houses and a church along a river. You had to see this coming.

"Well, this date's going fan-fucking-tastic."

I lie on the floor. My tulpa stands outside the church tapping his feet.

I pat Salt on the back.
"All things considering, it probably could have gone worse for everyone involved. So... yeah."

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