Mall Fight RP: (CLOSED) (FINISHED)

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I get off the plane and scooch over to Salt.
"Don't you understand Salt? You went insane five years ago. At the moment, you're in a Mental Asylum, hallucinating about some Mall flying through space. So what does it matter if you go a little bit ore crazyyyyyyyyyyy"
My head splits open into a watermelon.

"..THEN I'LL JUST CLOSE MY EYES!"

Paddy the Second:
"But why?"

"Because... that's what we do?"

"When was the last time you met a good warlock?"

Saltarius:
"..THEN I'LL JUST CLOSE MY EYES!"

Meanwhile...

"And since when are there cops in The Mall?" I ask.

"It's a big place, they could've been hiding anywhere." Knife replies.

Knife crashes the Dodge Monaco through the front of the JC Penney's and into the group. "Well, we're here."

"Hello."

"Hi."

"G'day RaN, Sister." Knife says, changing back into his normal attire behind a conveniently censoring bush.
"Sis, RaN." I say, nodding to the two as I step out of the car and lean on the hood.

I turn to look at the Knifes.
"Wait, I thought you were here this whole time."

"Trilby, as much as you must miss me, we've been gone a little while." Knife says, shrugging on his normal jacket and emerging from behind the bush.

"Yea, it's only been what, 30, 40 minutes tops?" I add.

"So don't you want to break out of the mold? Be better than any other warlock that came before you?"

I grin at Salt, my eyes flashing rainbow colors.

I look at the two Knifes. "Well, shit, there were drugs in that lemonade."

Paddy the Second:
"So don't you want to break out of the mold? Be better than any other warlock that came before you?"

"... No?"

"Why mess with a good thing, lad?"

"Well now's your chance to make history! To be remembered forever by all those who come after you!"

"Huh. Guess I just didn't notice you leave." I shrug.

I slide along the ground and disperse into several rivers of ice cream.

"Sigma, please stop doing that."

The rivers of ice cream begin bubbling and spitting. A grotesque form beings to rise from the now-sizzling river. Slowly, Baby Mitt Romney raises his head.
image

"Tox, nothing can stop Sigma when he starts breaking the fabric of reality."
I punt Romney.

"I'm Canadian, I don't even give a shit about American politics."

Baby Mitt Romney explodes in a cloud of tiny, winged Trilbys, who immediately start flying around Tox's head.

I bludgeon the tiny winged hats, because this shit ain't TF2.

"Jesus fuck somebody detox me. Oh Christ. GODDAMIT NOW I APPRECIATE BEING BLIND EVEN MORE SOMEBODY MAKE THIS LSD INDUCED NIGHTMARE STOP!"

I dump the rest of the lemonade down Salts throat.

I drown in the spiked lemonade, respawning in an abandoned pet store.

"Oh sweet, sweet blackness, you have returned."

I fill the pet store with hallucinogenic gasses.

"NO FUCK THIS I AM NOT DOING THAT AGAIN."

I run through the window, slitting my throat with one of the glass shards.

The Trilby-flies converge into a massive swarm, and with a blinding flash, turn into a morbidly obese Sister with a veritable forest of armpit hair and...things...growing in the flabby rolls of her stomach.

I walk by Salt, who's having the worst trip of his life, stopping to look for a moment and walking away soon afterwards.

I respawn piggybacking on Tox.

"Just take me away from them."

"...Salt, many people have piggybacked on me. And by "many", I mean Waffles! And many people will probably continue to piggyback on me. But not today." I drop Salt on the ground.

"DUDE, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, JUST GET ME AWAY FROM THESE ASSHOLES FOR LIKE TWO HOURS. I CAN HANDLE ISOLATION."

I give Salt a glass of lemonade.
"Here, have some apple juice."

"No drinks."

"Where do you expect me to take you?! Disneyworld?"

"Y'know what? Fuck it."

I crawl into the ventilation shaft and close the grate behind me.

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