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"Oh yeah apart from that stuff I guess." I hold out my hand to the nearest villager. "You're welcome. Sorry about your church."

I grab Sister by the shoulders.
"Sister. Can you hear me?"

Text begins scrolling across my eyes.
I stab Tox in the throat, then cut his chest open with a quick slice and stand up.
"Why does that keep happening to me?"

"Zombie." I say, putting a hand on his shoulder, "Let's just let her get her head togeather, yea?"

I respawn. "Hey, man, that's not cool! Seriously, it's fucking hot in here, don't you think?"

"someone call technical support tell em trilby seeing computer text"

"Not really. But, if you're that hot..."
I splash liquid nitrogen on Woon's head, which I then snap off and hand to Tox.
"This should cool you down."

My tulpa searches through the mall for Salt.
By which I mean he teleports straight to Salt, you think my dreamforms have all day to fuck around?

Paddy the Second:
"You're welcome. Sorry about your church."

"Oh, don't worry about it. These attacks happen all the time. We'll have another one up by Thursday."

"...Uh, kind of showing up at a bad time dude."

"Eh, alright. See ya Sister."
I walk off in the direction of the apartments.

"Well will they stop now I've killed the warlocks?"

"Oh, sorry, should I come back later?" My tulpa backs away, feeling behind him for the door.

"No, it's cool. We could uh...catch up I guess. Considering....ahem. Y'know."

I start ascending to whichever floor Salt is at.

"Yeah I've just been doing some bullshit in a church crypt for what feels like a month so I don't. What'd I miss?"


I gesture to myself and Diamond.

I find Salt and the Tulpa.
"Oh hey guys, man imagine stumbling onto you two here!"

"Wait who is this?" I ask about Diamond. "Oh god is this a date? Oh christ I'm sorry." My tulpa leaps for the door and falls through it.

"Wh-No, dude it's cool you can...fuck."

The tulpa sticks his head back through the door. "Yeah so I'm an idiot and I've never met you before." I say to Diamond. "Would someone please explain what's going on?"

"Man, I stumbled across you two at an awkward time too! Oh my, how unlucky!"

"...Where to begin?"

"About the time I left to do my quest maybe?"

"Well Paddy, Diamond be stealing your man! And you."
I turn to Diamond.
"Diamond, this guy, Paddy, he's been stealing your man preemptively!"

"Let's see...nothing....sort of was in relationship with Sister, but not really...the whole...gender ordeal...met we are."

"...Not a man, asshole."

"Yo dude, I be using it as a term to refer to you as a human being in general! I don't mean to refer to you as a male, but I can totes see the confusion yo!"
I slam a chili dog into Salts face.

"Congrats and then condolences for Sister, also I've been stealing nobody from no one, also Zombie." I slap Zombie. "Respect Salt's pronouns. Which are? Also hi Diamond nice to meet you I slept with Salt a couple times a while back. Also Salt I thought what we had was special!"

"...Brother, you broke us up like twice. I took the hint."

"When did I break us up? Also Brother?"

"Just a term. And let's see...the time you blabbed, the second time we banged...pretty much every instance."

"Oh snap. You see Diamond, this is why you should go on a date with someone with a lot less baggage and drama surrounding them! Like Sigma, or maybe Trilby."

"I never said I wanted us to stop."

"Hey, Zombie. Get the fuck out."

"Sorry dude. Not happening. Also, just regular feminine pros."

"I think Diamond and Sigma would make a wonderful couple though!"

I shove Zombie out the window and shut it.


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