Salt accidentally mistakes me for the pizza man, as we do in fact look very similar.
"SALT! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO HIM! You didn't even give him a tip."
I sip my hot chocolate.
"Can you at least give me my teapot back?" I ask.
I hand Trilby the teapot. Then I proceed to break Zombie's mug over his head.
I quietly sneak into one of the cupboards and wait for the scene to unfold itself.
"MY HOT COCOA! Now you've done it. NOW YOU'VE REALLY DONE IT!" I lightly push Salts left shoulder.
"You wanna go 'bruv'? Huh?"
I punch Zombie into the wall.
"I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOUR SHIT."
"Salt, we can't hear the film!"
"YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE HEARING ANYTHING IF YOU KEEP THIS SHIT UP!"
"Salt, didn't you know? You can be arrested for giving deaf threats!"
I tear off Zombie's left arm and smack him across the face with it.
"Salt, I think you should leave. You're not being very pleasant." I say. "And you keep breaking peoples' things."
I shoot Zombie in the foot.
"My arm! I need that! Man you are really angry today. Say, why don't we sit down and watch the film?"
"And the fuck are you still doing here Trilby?" I say as I casually club Zombie with his arm.
"Ow. Ow. Ow. Man it's a miracle I'm still standing from the blood loss."
I cauterize my wound with the tea.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow."
"Not being an absolute shithead, unlike you." I reply, sipping some more tea.
The patrons of the apartment, distracted from a double-feature of The Incredibles, finally breaks their attention. "Alright," I say, getting up from the couch, "That's enough, Zombie." I literally kick him out of the apartment, "AND STAY OUT!
"NOT HIM, FUCKING THIS LITTLE SHIT HERE." I say as I continue to club Zombie.
"Salt!" Diamond exclaims loudly, "That's enough!"
Wavering lines of colors flash in front of me, tendrils of neon pink and blue. Orange lightening sparks and kicks in the corner of my eye. A blue-white blur spreads across my vision, a chemical burn in reality. At tables and bartops, half-real nightmares drown their sorrows. A human-shaped amalgamation of broken dolls, dead porcelain eyes staring in all directions. Beings of pure thought flicker and whisp in shadow filled corners. Th walls seem to flex and breath, the steel panels twisting impossible angles around each other. I move as if in a dream, my legs dragging through the air as if it were liquid. My thoughts and memories spill out into the warped air around me. Faces flash by the woodwork, scenes from long ago appear in bursts of static on the vid-screen, then fade away as if they were never there. I walk unnoticed-to these creatures of hopes and fears, I am but a thought, gone in the wind.
"...Sorry." I say, dropping the arm.
After cauterizing my new wound, I re-enter the apartment and sit on the end of the sofa.
"So, the Incredibles huh? Good film."
Without warning, Diamond hugs Salt, "I forgive you."
In the background, Casey and I fake-vomit while stabbing Zombie several times.
"...Right, well. Not sure what comes next. Anything you guys want? You guys being not Zombie."
I respawn above the apartment, by the hole I made earlier.
"Guys, stop being so mean! I have Shrek 2!"
I offer Waffles some tea to make up for the chaos Salt and Zombie caused.
After an eternity, and yet no time at all, I reach the other side of the bar. I notice pictures on the wall beside me-a man in a gas mask. A blind woman. A shopping center. Well, the bar is called The Mall, after all. I turn away, and rest against the metal panels for a second. A hand brushes my shoulder, and a waord whispers in my ear. I turn and see I am leaning against
I hear a dinging sound inside the cabinet I'm hidden in and see a message in front of me:
Your Sneak skill has increasted to 12!
"Shit shit shit shit shit!"
I quickly turn off the in-game announcements. Thankfully, because of the bullshit going on with the others, no one hears me.
I drink Tribly's tea, "We're fine, I think, Salt."
"I'm fine." Diamond says, carefully watching Tribly for any funny business.
"I'm cool." Casey says, poking Geromy with a pencil. The cat barely puts up a fight.
I kill myself and respawn in a wardrobe inside the aparment.
"What the fuck-IS THIS A SKELETON!?"
"We chill." I state, slouching into an odd position on the couch.
"I'm more down for like...doing stuff."
I fall out of the cupboard.
"GET AWAY FROM ME MR SKELETON!"