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I look behind me. Row upon row of pools stretch out beyond the horizon, separated by low brick walls. In the distance, figures move and swim in the heat haze.
"Defiantly not The Mall, although I was there a few minutes ago, but its not The Mall The Mall, it's a different mall."

"Okay... why don't you kill yourself and respawn back here? But, could you pick up some Scuba gear first? We're gonna need it..."

"I don't have any weapons. And there's some guy giving me odd looks. Although he doesn't have a face. Wait wh-"
The phone line goes dead. For a moment. Then it starts, quiet at first, then louder, whispering through dimensions and out of the receiver.

"Uh...Un momento guys, gotta clear something up."

I walk out into the greater Mall.

"Sis? You out there? Can we talk?"

"Over here Salt!" I yell, waving him over before realising he can't see.

"Sis? You out there? Can we talk?"

"She's sleeping, man."

i sit down and lights a cigar up

I leave the sub-basements and see Woon.
"Dude, why are you trying to light that Twix?"

"Just uh...tell her it was for the best."

"no i haven't shut up"

"You're getting chocolate everywhere! Aw man your clothes are all ruined now. You know chocolate is a devil to get out."

"S- Sigma? Hello? Fucking balls."
I paddle the television over to Zombie and Woon.
"Sigma's done something ridiculously stupid. Luckily, he has yet to crash any form of air- and/or space-craft. So... that's probably good."

i grab tins of paint from the department store and throw it all over zombie "it's sigma if he doesn't drop airplanes on someone every hour he'll drop one on himself or his little head will explode i think"

"Aw, now you've gone and ruined my clothes!"
I beat Woon to death with a crowbar.
"Also, it's Sigma. He'll do his thing, he'll be fine, and we'll be fine."

i respawn then beat the crap of zombie with the metal baseball bat and then i shove it down his throat "well you turned my cigar into a chocolate bar, what do you think i'd do?!"

It would appear the baseball bat is actually a kit kat.
"Ooh, yum. Thanks! Also, I'm not magically changing these items, you're just picking up the wrong things!"
I walk off while eating it.

"ooh piss off before i drop a house on you and then shove an ion cannon blast up your ass and it's not you it's the another you"

"Dropping a house on me? Why that's impossible! For one, we're in a mall with no houses! Unless you mean a toy play house, but that wouldn't really hurt would it? And shoving an ion cannon blast up my ass? Well, I'd had to sit on the thing first, and I very well won't do that. And lets not even begin to ponder where you would get such a thing."

"Of course, Woon. Another Zombie. One who is able to warp reality. And where is this Zombie? Over here?"
I open a janitor's closet.
I peer into an air vent.
"Clearly, this other Zombie is a master of stealth."

"already have one actually and i got a friend who's a higher up in the black market and i'll leave at that" i turn to trilby fourth wall breaking powers active!!! "no he's there silly" i point outside RP galaxy, into reality andpull zombie the one behind the computer in to the mall

"What black market? I do not see any black markets. In fact, we have little to no contact to anyone outside the mall. Even the internet is all just archives which are regularly updated."

Also Woon smashes his hand against a wall while trying to grab the 'real' Zombie.

I watch Woon point at a shop, then drag someone out.
"Woon, that's a mannequin."
I turn to Zombie.
"Well, we do go down onto planets sometimes. And I suppose we could contact people outside the mall, if we had anyone TO contact."

"ah screw this firing ion cannon" i teleport out for the minute via portal
and it erases the last argument of the past hour

"Woon you just ran into a hedge. And we can still see you. And there is still no ion cannon."
I turn back to Trilby.
"I suppose but while we're in the mall, in space, we can't really contact that many people. And yeah, who'd believe us?"

"Probably lots of people would believe us. Malls and respawns seem fairly common out here. And we do get a pretty good connection. I mean, we called Sister from space a few times."

"fine i'll stop for now and i think i got some old contacts who have seen alot and have had interesting life so far they'd believe us" pulling out a Nokia phone and dials few numbers

I grab the phone and smash it onto the floor.
"Also I always thought we could phone Sister because of her being linked to the mall."

"Well, that makes about as much sense as the rest of this shit. But Artie called the UN, so unless they're connected to the Mall, I think we'll be able to call whomever we want."

"dude it's a Nokia this shit is indestructible, you could launch this at the earth and it would turn into a planet X and smash into the planet

"Objection! This is in fact, a newer model, and is not the famous 'indestructible' model. Also for the last time, Ion cannons are OP."
I go back to Trilby.
"They are a massive organization I guess, so it's likely they know about the mall. If the time ever comes up though, we'll find out."

"Well, the Invictus police know about Malls, so I'd assume the UN does as well. Though, I think it would be bad for them if they were in any way connected to us, so it's likely they just have space-phones. Let's test this."
I pull out my phone and dial the number for a takeaway on Anhur.

"Anhur takeaway."
"Uh... do you deliver to the Bekenstein area?"
"Okay then... uh..."
I proceed to place an order for a large amount of food, then hang up.
"So... space phones seem to be a thing."

"Counter-Objection!!!! this is actually the older and indestructible model


and i didn't say anything about an ion cannon so give it a rest" i turn to trilby "hope you ordered french fries i strangely like french fries"

"I guess you were right Trilby. And Woon, I just wanted to point out the stupidity of the ion cannon, and how OP it is. I just wanted to tell you to never mention it again, or use it."
I grab the phone, go onto the roof of the Mall, and throw it into the dark void that is space.

the phone then crashes into a random planet and destroys it completely "fine i won't mention it or use it again"

I watch as Woon's phone burns up as it falls to Bekenstein, due to phones from the early 2000s not being designed for atmospheric reentry.

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