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I give Ran a hair cut as as well.

"No means no! And if I wanted it cut, I'd have someone I trust such as Diamond do it."

"Thanks," I say before turning to Salt.

"You should really get your haircut man. I know it's hard to take care of yourself being blind, but seriously. Run a comb through it."

"Salt, don't be such an uptight bastard about this. Trilby, Knife, Tox, and now Ran have all have haircuts and they like them."

"We want you to be confident. If you don't care for the way you look, you'll make a terrible first impression at..."

We haven't set a course.

"Wherever the fuck we're going, look, I'm gonna go check on something. Just uh... Bye."

I leave in a hurry.

"Besides, Waffles cut it before I went out on that first date with Sist-that date. Which wasn't too long ago."

I grab Salt by the shoulders regardless of any factors.
"Your hair, is fucking atrocious."

"Christ. Just do it already then if you won't shut the fuck up about it."

I give Salt the most amazingly beautiful hair cut ever.

"Yeah. Whatever. Thanks."

I walk back to the pool and slowly climb in.

"Fuckin' shits."

I come upon Salt, where I am absolutely bamboozled by his/her sumptuous haircut. "Holy shit, Salt, what sort of god-like barbershop gave you that?"

i fall asleep

I toss Woon into the water, face-down.

"damnit" i say as i fall into the water, i then get out and tosses trilby, head first

"No, of course, can‛t get a half hour of peace."

I swim to the other side, then get out and shoot a crossbow bolt into Woon's foot, inexplicably pinning it to the ground.

I give Salt half of an Hour of Peace, a special French cheese of my own creation.

i pull it out and i throw it back "hey trilby catch!!"

"Tox, go do what you normally do and fuck yourself."

I catch the bolt, load it into my crossbow and shoot Woon in the other foot.

"damnit" i pull the arrow out of my foot and i pull out my gun and shoot trilby in both of his feet

"Hey, no fair!"
I pour a load of petrol into the swimming pool, then hobble over to Woon, lighting a small rag as I go. Once I reach Woon, I tackle him into the petrol, which ignites.

i bring trilby down with me by grabbing him in a headlock so if we hit the bottom trilby's head would hit it first

"Hey narrator am I there yet?"

"I don't see how I'd manage to do that."

Paddy the Second:
"Hey narrator am I there yet?"


Oh yes, that's right.


A day's trip takes you back to the base of the mountain.

Now what?

"FFFFFUUUUUCCCKKKK!!!!!!" I punch a tree. "Where in hell do these goddamn warlocks live?"

I make my best to resurrect the thread through putting a toaster in the pool and walking away.

I jam a pencil into both of Tox's eyes.

One pencil for both eyes? Shit, man.

Zombie: +250 XP BONUS

I scream in pain, pull out the pencil and start stabbing Zombie repeatedly into the pool before stumbling outside of the pool area with no idea where I am.

I fall into the pool, forget how to swim, and drown. I then respawn near Tox.
"Psst. Psst Tox. Over here..."

"I'm blind, you ableist piece of shit!" I start crawling in the general direction; when I suddenly feel a leg, I start going in the opposite direction.

I watch Tox feel the severed leg of questionable origins, and then turn in my direction.

And then I just shoot him.

I start bleeding like all hell. I go to my left as fast as I can before I can die of a hemorrhage.

I push him over with my foot.
"Tox seriously just die. You'll get better."

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