Mall Fight RP: (CLOSED) (FINISHED)

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There is just clanking and sobbing. My voice is audible behind it. I turn speaker off. "Well he's not here right now, I'm waiting for my next torture session. Come rescue me soon please."

"Okay. How do we get to wherever you are from here?"

"Um. The emergency flare would be too dangerous. I'll activate the tracking device built into the walkie-talkies."
I do so.

"I meant give us some directions, but that works too."
I head back to the MallMobile.

"What better directions than a Geiger counter style noise that gets louder and louder as you approach? It plays dubstep. Oh shit Salt!"

"Meh. Nobody else seems to be around. I'll just come on my own."
I get in the MallMobile and drive towards the castle.

"Well that's romantic."

"Uh... sure."

"Jokes Tril, gotta lighten the mood in this subterranean torture cave."

"Yeah... anyway, any idea when the torturer will be back?"

I'm kind of just still frolicking around the place, with Janet noising shit up because there's someone who can hear a tree fall down in the forest, so it definitely makes a sound.

At least, if a huge chunk of the forest didn't burn down.

Something about Vietnam.

I approach Tox frolicking and decide not to stop.
"Where the fuck is this damn castle thing?"

Ask for directions at the nearest gas stop or something.

There are no gas stops on this planet, numbnuts.

He gets my point, though, he should just ask directions in the next town he comes upon; it's not like people are going to freak out over the fact that the technology he uses is way ahead of theirs.

I continue driving towards the castle.

"You just missed him you turd. It's gonna be at least a couple days now."

"Well, that's good."
I keep driving.

"i'm debating launching the distress flair, but that would level the castle, and I would like to get my title out of this."

"Don't bother. Just wait for me to get there."
I continue to drive around.
"Whenever that fucking happens! Seriously, how far is this castle?"

Remember, Trilby; licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.

"lots of lovely jewelry shove it up lovely chocolate starfish lovely lovely lovely jingle jangle jewelry"

"Well that seeems lime a pointlessly non-sensical statement." I say, having been riding unannounced in the back of Trilby's car the entire time.

I swerve and hit a tree because two people just suddenly revealed their presence in what I believed to have been an empty car.
"holy shit what the fuck how do people keep getting into my car without me noticing"

IT WAS HIS HAT, MR. KRABS!

I hold up my character sheet. "100 in sneak man, comes in handy."

Martintox:
He gets my point, though, he should just ask directions in the next town he comes upon; it's not like people are going to freak out over the fact that the technology he uses is way ahead of theirs.

They'll be too busy being eaten by necromancers to care.

TrilbyWill:
I continue to drive around.
"Whenever that fucking happens! Seriously, how far is this castle?"

For Paddy it was half a day's jog from his castle to the Mall. In full armor.

How is it taking you this long?

The hood of the car opens and I pop up.
"Because I removed the majority of the engine so I could sit in it!"

...Isn't the MallMobile a huge van? Why the hell would you need to remove the engine so you can get on it? Isn't there like 6,000 seats left or something?

I continue driving and see the castle.
"Hooray."
I park and get out.
"Okay, let's rescue Paddy so he can get his title and we can all piss off to fuck shit up on some other planet."

"Alright then." I say, before pulling out my grenade launcher and blowing a hole in the wall of the castle. "Let's go."

"I was thinking maybe we try to talk to the guys who own the castle, but blowing their shit up works too."
I climb through the hole.

"I heard that. Please be more subtle."

I begin setting some more explosives. "Sorry what was that Paddy?"

I facepalm.
"Oh god is this what it feels like to be you, Knife?"

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